windthread

that community of mushrooms i mentioned.    i really want/need to find           a person          who i can take an example to.  That could tell me if they are edible or not?    All the identification sources i have do not leave me confident.    This would be just Great if they were….something to look forward to at the end of Rain Seasons.   And funny,   these pics make clear just how much the pine needles  are present..      before the planting,    augmenting the soil,   they need to be cleared   which is done by  raking through,  over and over with my fingers.   

Belen,   NM     this pic appeared today as a   Memory    no known reason    so i          accept    and   know it's   for   "some"  reason

Alyssia is maybe 8   so that would make Jeff  6     or maybe 9 and  7     They brought Petunias

I had just moved there,   from El Cerro Mission.   lived there maybe 3 months  before moving to Polvadera.         What's important tho is that    Everywhere     the first thing always was 

the Garden

here,   that birdbath arrangement.   that got moved to so many places.    and then the arranging of stones.         

Just like now,  the stones                              Birdbath got left behind.

 

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• it was a matinee.    Jenny,  Alyssia and i.     a small but very nice theater space.     10 women on the stage   the youngest graduating highschool this year             i am sitting here in the dark,  still thinking about it.    There's so many stories  our vaginas would tell

even with so little sun

haven't been there since sometime in January   and today…..warm   and 2 bees even      Brought some of the sludge up from that event at Jack's feed shed and unloaded in the new bed   that i imagine might be for leafy greens  

in last season's tomato bed….a thriving colony of mushrooms that i hope will finish their lives soon enough so i can add a significant amount of new soil         i'll wait                         and tonight i'll make the list of seedlings to order from Alyssia's friend Misty"s  new greenhouse            There is no              plan.     There is a hope of setting a drip system in place?   maybe    but no plan.   Will play it all by ear.    Plantain remains strong.

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• clearing space in front of the door of the feed shed at Jack Flash's Place  in preparation for the bales of grass hay coming tomorrow.   Knowing it would be       work.    The deluge of Rain this last week  upon all that has been coming steady for so long,   how i've fed all Goats hay down there frequently       and so a build up of  scrap hay and manure  becoming sludge.  Soggy.   so hoe it up and then rake,   uphill   and far enough to the side at the top.   Work.   and i took the Intention of the week two of the Meditation Challenge….the Body….Breath and the body   but it was un necessary because as soon as i began there was the just incredible FRAGRANCE of decomposing,  becoming  EARTH…..just absolutely Wonder Full,  the SMELL  as the SUN poured down      I'll load it on the small sled and take it to B Garden to finish off that new space i'd begun…for planting in the next month or so.   The beauty of Goat manure….it has no smell of it's own,   unlike horse or cow,  does not need aging before use….and              it's already happening       i think this is      Real Happiness.

squat

breathe

with

  

 gift from the Storm

and then     today      from nowhere,       maybe i'll start saying it this way again,   like i did for so long…..calling     IT    the Universe…..or maybe call    IT     The Mystery    ?     and my loved friend Raina and i used to call   IT     the god Thing

but…from there,        i am breathing,   mind wandering  and               the word    concept.    which went to   conceptual   and then,  non~conceptual and i google and there is          non~conceptual awareness      and    and on….to   Direct Non~conceptual Awareness and           on      typing that in      some  utube boxes  and i click          and who shows up?   Eckhart Tolle!   who i haven't thought of in maybe 20 years?       U tube       Direct Experience and the Deeper Nonconceptual Knowing

dear Him,   there he is,   talking about  what i've just called     the Other Dimension

so   i don't need to figure out "how to say it".    it's already there.   i can just go along     Experiencing     it.    and being amazed by the whole of everything,   how Everything is just there.   Waiting for us.

today,  ThunderStorms   forecast the whole day.    and there was some of that but mostly just rain.   But then…3:34 a bleat on the phone and      Red Alert!    Tornado  Warning    until 4:30       ???    We do not have tornadoes here.   or    have not had.    They advised   going to a secure shelter like a basement   (which few homes have in California)  or an inside room etc.   None of which i have here….so….what do i do?   for an hour?                          at the end of the Meditation Practice ,     …..there's always a one sentence  "inspiration".      today's   was                you can always find refuge in the breath             so i went.   for a bit  and looking down saw the pencil       and thought     you can always find refuge in the pencil             and i did.      the  color of the  real    sunlight that i talked about….   if i could have     looked at it      would not have been this,      would have been much softer,  vaguely   "yellow"   if a "color" at all    but for sake of a drawing    and because this was the only sun color on the table………….   . and it WAS refuge.    I am so deeply glad for that moment.     It will be with me forever.   

 

 

  This morning,   came through immediately.    Journal Entry

 

like another dimension.   like a breath,  a vibration,  so subtle,  an almost imperceptible     shimmer     rising up,  out,  of the tree,  branch,   rock,  plant,    even the plastic chairs….it's like they are talking to each other.

it began with Lichen which was simultaneous with Sharon Salzberg's       Real Happiness Meditation Challenge 

and has continued,  daily,  more and more   today being day 18.    Will try to give word to it,  beginning here and then continuing as i can?      Her meditations,  short   5 some minutes     that are building upon each other,  becoming strong.

At Jack Flash's gate:    where i begin the days,  every day feeding him then leaning on/into the gate and looking  over to the huge pine tree where those two lizards appeared each morning for months,  showing me lizard things and tho they have been gone now since  Fall,   each morning still,  i call out to them…….      Friends!   hello    Uno,  Dos!      I love you,   Thank you.        every morning still i say this         thinking they will return

and i listen to Jack chew his hay and look out off over the rim of this hill    at the trees along it's edge   up into the sky that extends far and far up and beyond          This has CHANGED.    because

with Salzberg's  teaching….i breathe.    i try to find myself Present.   in the breath.  in the moment.   JUST    the moment.   and  as i stood there the other day,   a grey,  heavy,  overcast day,      there suddenly was a sensation of my cheek bone,  my temple,  left cheek bone,  left temple of light and warmth and i FELT               SUN       SUNlight       touch me.     almost imperceptibly,  but clear….touch me     for real    i    felt it           and then only after it happened,   i realized that i didn't STAY with it…..      Mind took me over to his water tub that needed changing and i began the scenario about whether now or later in the day    and   i just

left       the touch of  the SUN

for those thoughts    and then had an understanding of how  i am used to experiencing things almost as like    Scenery…….   oh!.  beauty full trees        oh! sky     like uhhhhhh,   backdrops,    scenery        and suddenly being aware of  it's       Livingness

and since

as in this pic        the awareness of the Livingness of it all

this   "view"   out the window in the morning,   the roundness of the trunks of the Morning Tree,   the dragon bamboo wind chime,    the being out there,  an animal,   that i live with every day,   not just      goat     but          the beingness of him,   an added Dimension  

i want to remember just this point in time        because it's changing               I want to be AWARE    as it changes.   This is just trying….