windthread

 

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   returning to post  of  3/4    Truth       add ons     

paraphrase from Sharon Salzberg's   Real Happiness     a 28 Day Program to Realize the Power of Meditation ,   the text  companion to this 28 Day Challenge   i just completed in February:

Mindfulness ~ focusing attention on the breath,  the present moment simply noticing any thought, emotion  or physical sensation that arises and letting it go.   Return to the breath,  the actual experience of the present moment.     Noticing what is "added on"  because of "habitual responses developed over a lifetime"  ….   projection to the future,  memory of past,  self judgement,   associative thinking.    To distinguish our direct experience,  which is Peaceful,  from the baggage of the Add Ons.  To let the Add Ons     go,   as they appear,  not letting them become a bread crumb trail into past,  the future,   the NoWhere.   

learning to Be Present.   Which in the case of all those add ons of 3/4,   was  peaceful,   warm from the camp heater,   dry Peaceful.   Yes.   i would need to go Feed.  Yes   there is RAIN.   Yes,  things have broken unexpectedly in the last few months.  Yes i love the desert.       And          i am Here.    And there is no where else i'd rather be.  period.     So……

this moment.   This singular present.     I am.      There is a great freedom in this.    I see things,  like the skin of a tree.   

and maybe the best way to talk about this is just examples as they come.   Here's one.

Standing at Jack's gate where i talk to those two lizards.    Sun has broken through and   is flowing down upon us.   I follow the breath.   down the hill onto   Old Olive   i can see the  tops of cars and trucks,  hear the intrusive sound of them….loud….fast…..add ons begin about our society,  its    loudness/fastness/mindlessness…..here it goes…….and i remember to stop,,,,let it go…..return to the breath   the warmth of the Sun,   the sound of Jack chewing his hay               and,  i see again  tops of the cars and trucks like my son's childhood matchbox toys    and   i thought

most likely,   there is Urgency and maybe Angst    inside those        and it occurred to me to say Metta     for them.   for all of us in this United States of America.                   and there came a peacefulness in     me.   a kindness.    i was able to go back     to   follow the breath.   feel the Sun    hear Jack chew.   I'm learning.

 

 

 

 

raking out  Jack's feed shed.     i stopped to sit and rest.    then      to follow  the Breath,  i thought,  for just a few minutes but i drifted off to sleep      and   Woke     probably just moments later,  i don't really know                  Sun was falling upon the  old great pine that is maybe 3 or so feet in front of me,    and  it was as if     it    ,  the Tree,   had somehow moved even closer   and  i saw Its bark…….Skin…..and really    SAW it……as in,    felt      it                  if you click to enlarge and then move up and down,  over       you might be able to feel the sense of the Beingness of this Tree    that is at least 100 years old   and  in these moments,   Alive

Storks bill.     there's    a    L O T     of it.     a Lot.

everything i said yesterday is           true.      but also,  so much more is also          true.      the thing of        Add Ons

i want to say things about that.   i think i was not clear and it's important that i try to be.    I wanted to do that tonight but it's not happening….                maybe tomorrow?     

 

i debated about this.    

but it's the truth of this day in early March,  2024.     The "plumbing" for the toilet,  which in travel trailers consists of tubes and valves etc.   has been leaking.   Bathroom floor is      damp      or    plain wet      so a while ago i put two  of those  door mat rugs  in there thinking it would keep the surface dry.    They are wet.    the kind that have the rubber bottoms and some sort of rugish substance on top.   There's a little stool at the sink and i tripped on it and it moved and   Lo and Behold       this being above.  There are actually two of it.  or two parts of it.     I put the stool back in place.   Over it.   Like it was.    I've known about this for a few days now.   Check on it now and then.   It grew but seems to be what it wants to be now.       HOW   did it happen?   a

spore?

how did a spore come in and locate  this spot?  What might its purpose be?              What's next?     Kill it?     

this  "winter" has been extremely difficult.    One thing after another.   The built in heater system wouldn't work and then about a month or so ago the hot water heater stopped working.    a leak in the roof over the back room   and the near constant RAIN preventing work outside in attempt to correct.   and we try to locate the man who we are told works on such things.      I keep saying       the Rain will stop soon.   It will dry up,  warm up.     But what's for sure is that in the months ahead we need to  fix things or find alternates before next Rain Season rolls around.    I have a list.    

and the Good        Working with Sharon Salzberg's  Practices…….i can watch it so clearly….the "add ons"   that roll in.   Any given    MOMENT,   the breath,   this ONE SINGLE MOMENT that is Now    breathing and the add ons begin….how this shouldn't be happening,  how it WAS in N. Mex   how helpless it feels    how much i HATE being wet and cold  how California shouldn't be this way   how over burdened Jenny and Alyssia already are with their own lives, how i am old and dependent on them  how how how how     and daily now.   it becomes easier and easier to just BE.   THIS moment   breath on through.   I am Safe.  I am happy.   I am healthy.   and in so many ways,  i live with Ease.    and Let it Go.      and all that comes with Gathering at the Well  i cannot really talk about.  But it is the aliveness of who we are as we move through this time of our lives  " finding Purpose and Release in Authentic Living "      words of Wendy Golden Leviett      

 

grandson Jeff had gotten  4 windchimes    at a yard sale…..hung them here at A.   

Continuing,   the days are nothing but sheets of Rain.   We are all uneasy.   I can remember this is there.   Look forward to seeing it again.  

 

want to remember how much i want to get actual photographs of many of the pics on the phone….so like this one,  i can find them tucked in the pages of books…..sit and      hold      the  image,   the memory,   in my hands.   it's such a different experience than seeing them on the screen.

how Blanket will travel as the Evacuation blanket.   Ties are Deb Lacativa.   the Tina quilt is strong,  can travel Open.       I  reread these words….think them,    they say a lot.   more.   than what they are.   How things carry past present and future all at the same time.   

good thing there was yesterday because this is today.  Very early.   The rest of the day was sky river,   on into  evening.  And good that i took a lot of pics of the Blanket.     When i look at them today,    it's very different.   i see possibilities.   and i see what i saw all along,   all the pieces of cloth i Love.   Today is  good.

and the "little sleep" gave the thought of what if……..what if there are two rows of 4 at the top and same at the bottom ,  looking at it vertically,    and in between  one row of 3….the center spiral of which would be a Metta Spiral???    Yesterday was day 28,  the last day of  Sharon Salzberg's  Real Happiness Meditation Challenge.   I will miss her very much….the Teaching,   the guided meditation first thing every morning and repeated  in the days.   It all remains available until May 31.  I intend to Begin Again on March 1,   tomorrow.   and maybe while i listen,   see what a Metta Spiral might be like?

the road in the pic above is Carefree Way.   that's the Plumcot tree,   just beginning to blossom.   

 

it occurred to me  out of the blue that      Maybe    the picnic table down at A  might be large enough to lay it out on and get it pinned.   Off i went and it was long enough,  but not wide enough,    BUT   it's very clean there…..earth all  with gravel and ground cover which this year is almost all stork's bill.    First i pinned them a little apart from one another,  how i imagined i wanted them……but   not.   So this way and i was missing one and probably two   but it was good enough to finally Begin.

but

i don't really             like     it.    I don't know why.    i LOVE each spiral individually so it doesn't make sense.   But i don't.   So,  now what.   and remember,  i have enough spirals made for 2 more this size….for Jenny and Alyssia……    eee….

it's supposed to RAIN now for the next 10 days,   why i was hoping this would work.   Maybe i'll just make the adjustments that are needed   and     go.    Begin.