windthread

battery Loooooooow     Words tomorrow    

familiar,  but this cycle of season….in profusion.    Everywhere.  Tree dwelling lichen.   Keeps pulling my attention.   I read.

Wiki         Lichen is a composite organism that arises from algae or cyanobacteria  living among filaments of multiple fungi species  in a mutualistic relationship.   There's way more but this sentence is enough for tonight.   and

makes purple dye

 

I hadn't wanted to go here.    but,  this,   it somehow could not be better.    Without going on,   there are odd neighbors along Carefree Way.   i've talked some about neighbor Dave who turned away when i was struggling with those pit bulls and their attack of Sunny Ray.   and there is Mike,  just down and across the road who is building a house but not living there yet and then there's the other ones.    It's these Other Ones.   Sometime in the early summer this Trump sign appeared.   Our hearts pounded.  WHAT???????    it's on the other side of the entrance off Old Olive,  the Rooster Swamp,  which tho across CareFree,  belongs to this piece of property.   At first we were going to just TAKE IT DOWN.   Our urge was to smash it to be honest.   But being who we are,  we looked and sure enough,  it was on the edge of the road..Old Olive…just off private land   and we also found out that even there,  it was not legal outside of some short time close to an election cycle and the local road people could remove it and i tried to find which local road people they were and got no where so we just got quiet within ourselves.   Many initial thoughts of putting up some sign of our own on the opposite side but that seemed ignorant.   I met a couple different people associated with those neighbors,  her niece  and her father as they were driving by and  waved them down….asking them about the sign and yes it is Julie's sign and  I was very clear about how disturbing it was to us and how actually,  not legal.   They listened.   Drove on.  And i can say,   in the beginning,  i drove all over this area and this is the ONLY political sign anywhere.   I suppose as we near the election there might be more?     We have few interactions with them….recently one over them taking  gravel from the pile Jenny bought and using it to fill the Rain damage of the common road …Julie's husband being actually there with a shovel when Jenny arrived in the morning…Jenny confronting him and him saying he didn't know it belonged to her

there's more to the story but i don't want to waste energy going there…is of no use    BUT i cannot say the great

JOY

seeing this this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   The Wind last night was beyond belief….Wild and Fierce and Frightening    but look….oh,  just look.     The Canopy over the picnic table down there at  A,  the Wall  Garden…perfectly In Tact.   and just down the Way….this.     JOY.   just    JOY.

 

 

 

 

 

i have watched this over and over.   Utube     The Last Repair Shop 2024       Oscar Nominated Documentary Short

Those first months i came here to this Hill,    there were Ferns mingling with the Poison Oak that prevailed.   It was such a joy to see them.   There are no ferns in the desert.   The forests of Michigan,  the state of my birth,  and particularly the Upper Peninsula  which is held by the Great Lakes is forests of Pine and Fern.   In short time,  the Goats ate both.   All that's left is these in the still closed off forest that used to be TenZen's and then Nogals.   Just these…but i find them here again,   this week.

a story.

trying once again to explain to Wendy,   Wendy Golden Levett,  she who so graciously offered and IS facilitating the  Therapy Group i wanted,            but really,   trying to explain it to my Self,    i hear self going on like a broken record but then say

in the past,  i would have tried to Fix it,   to come up with something different or new to fill the gap that i've created but i don't.  I don't.    I am resistant.    She catches that.   resistant.    Says…do you know what that is?,  the resistance?     No.   She: Depression.   and i think….NO!….that couldn't be it.   and i am  resistant to even the thought of resistance.   But i  trust her and so…went off to read days about depression,   the arch of it until i find Kazimierez Dobrowski  who spoke of Existential Depression…the disintegration of self,  the losing touch with life goals and values that were previously important and feeling detachment,  losing interest in previously enjoyed activities,   losing one's sense of self……         Me?    

and i think how i am lost.   How the only thing that has held my uhhhhh,   my  Urge has been Deb G.'s   Good Enough Quilt…how it helped me go find the Spirals,  the log cabin spirals that i am intending to make into the 3 blankets,   only her quilt    and i looked on the sidebar here at the Shop,  at what i'd made in the past,  and i did love them,  those Cloths,  DO love them,   but there is Zero urge to continue

something is just     Done.

Spirals.   Spiraling back.    Ferns.   Drifting.   Looking.   Drifting ,   the child at the creek,   and then the one of me that would continue in odd ways….but needing Persona to create a sense of Self in the world,  but then the undercurrent of the drift and i remembered  a couple days ago,   how every year i would save my vacation days from work for the two weeks camping at the mouth of the Hurricane River on  the shore of Lake Superior,  the greatest of the Great Lakes…the WILD one,  same as an Ocean,  those campsites of Pine and Fern of stretches of beach where i would go….on hands and knees,   finding stones and every evening for two weeks,  Every Evening,   sit and watch as the shore spiders spun their threads among the stiff grasses to hunt their food and by morning they would be GONE and by evening they would begin again,  over and over….such a simple stunning ACT of Life 

and i remembered then…..how the year of 1987,  August 16, 17   What they were calling the Harmonic Convergence…when something amazing was supposed to happen and i forgot,  what it was?   What was it that was supposed to happen?  Because it didn't…happen….but what was it and so i Googled   

Harmonic Convergence   the worlds first synchronized global peace meditation coinciding with an exceptional alignment of Solar System,  marking celestial alignment of Sun, Moon and 6 planets as part of the Great Trine              and what is a trine?,  i wondered so i Googled Trine and read    a strong usable tension that may integrate between two different areas of your life, offer a turning point where an important decision needs to be made that involves opportunity at a cost.     put that in italics   opportunity at a cost      Traditionally a trine is extremely beneficial.  It indicates harmony, ease and what is natural.  A trine may invove inate talent or ability.   In transit an event may emerge from a current or past situation in a natural way.   Wikipedia  

in a natural way….twice

and i thought how reading this coincides with Susan Salzberg's  Real Happines Meditation Challenge of which today is day 3  and how so very SIMPLE her daily practices are….5 minutes.   5 minutes and me…how many years it's been…my erratic Buddhist Practice   because of my busy Persona   and how 

i want to Quit.   i want to Quit that Persona.   I want to go down to the Creek,   get that child  that was so fiercely,   fiercely what????   so fiercely herSELF….i want to go get her.  Let her get me.   Take her by the hand.   GIVE my hand to her,  and we will continue together now doing i have no idea what.    But it will belong to US.   Like those strands of web that belonged to the spiders,  every day.   Over and over.   I will take her/me to sit with these Ferns here.   and we will talk about the salamanders at the creek that saved my life.  Their soft moist  weightlessness in the palm of my/her hand.     Maybe nothing more than that     Who knows?   

I feel really really Good.

so…if you wonder.   This is what i took to the Gathering at the Well today.   It is different for each of us.   We sit in Witness to one another's lives and go deeply into ourSelves  to become more.   Just       to become more.   Alive.   Real.   and….yes,   Happy.   Like in Metta.   Like that.   

 

^{what are we SUPPOSED to do with days?    I'm not sure the meaning of this pic to me.   Was the day Emrie was home from school with a fever.  I've kept going back to look at it…..what is it that it's telling me?    I hung out with her.   Now and then we talked.   But for the most part,  this was how it was with her.   Self sufficient.  i looked off,   into the sky,   the  trees,  my own mind….self sufficient.     We were.}   

a moment…..break……… through the thick overcast         just a moment but is enough to hold,     i think ,    at 9:36 a.m.

and then……….somehow,   the WHOLE DAY   was     SUN

the weather app is almost 100%  always correct…..but today the forecast was RAIN    just    RAIN    but it  didn't happen!,   instead the SUN remained and was  this same GLOW all day.   Such a Gift     and i thought….what "should" i do with such a Glorious Day ?????          and  i thought….how strange a question…..what should I DO?    What about just being so GLAD?    

 

maybe about a 1/4 of the road up?   the Big Gate ,  Carefree Way,   is  behind  me?     A short time this morning before RAIN which might be an atmospheric river,  might not       Alyssia  brought Groceries…. on foot.  this afternoon.  in the Rain.    Will remain some days till we drive it.  On the right,  the black is the GeoGrid   .   No agreement about its use at this point.  Jenny remains determined,  Alyssia does not see its  worth ,  the expense and effort.    among groceries,  all new Indian Spices.   Broccoli.    I still don't know many things.  So  I'll just cook for a while.   Eat.     I really want broccoli.     Tomorrow…..Salzberg's  Happiness Challenge.    February l

 

hold the day.    Warm.   Glowing.   Full.             Thought to try again,   placing the Spirals ,  ie  pinning them "in place"  But there was a breeze and they would not be taught   No way around it;   either on a wall or a floor.          Am doing this when there was one of those moments when it's just suddenly  Electric.   He'd been turning to cut the curve in further and suddenly   

i see both of them standing at the side of the tractor,  standing but not standing,      pushing against it as it is tilting against them.  As it began to tilt he'd turned it off,       jumped out         and they are just standing there,  pushing against it as it is leaning sideways.   The Tension is palpable.  It's going to fall.  They are not big people  and standing there,  standing is not the word,  leaning ,    pushing against this huge piece of equipment to keep it upright     holding their breath    there was dead silence and then i yelled…..RUN,   just RUN    and Alyssia said how she does in the calm way she says anything,   GET IN IT and TURN IT ON.   He darts around and does and she says   TURN WHEELS STRAIGHT and GO…SLOW SLOW GO   STRAIGHT   STRAIGHT    and he does  and  it does not fall.   She is not crushed in front of her child's eyes.    and it was over.   He continued that curve,   she continued to rake.   I sat and stared,  my mouth hanging open.   We did not talk about it.   Haven't yet.   

 

 

 

she had a fever.  no school.   but….this for a few minutes.   kinda school.   a Front Loader with Box Scraper.      and then.   crushed rock.   Tomorrow again.     if it happens,   i will be able to go IN and OUT the road.   She watches her mother do these things.