2023 The new little space heater . Over there ….directly in my line of vision from my spot at the Table. It's black and……
red
disruptive to the odd Aesthetics here but it works. Cuts the edge of the morning cold. Works on the small 1 lb propane cylinders .
i looked up at the corner shelf of stuff overhead and saw this cloth…Deb Lacativa damask
this makes me smile. Tell self…it's only for a few months.
back to that drawing…11~24…..when i wondered who would i draw now? How would the woman be different? What's after
Agency
Where is she? and today this little cloth surfaced and i thought….like this, maybe. An Awareness. Just PART OF. No longer any urge to be Singular, but the interest is in being PART OF. and integral.
i'll leave it again with no picture.
what i want to say here is difficult because i need to say it with so few words. But i also want to say it. So, i'll just try.
Yesterday when i arrived at Alyssia''s, Jenny was just outside there and said….How was your meeting?
but then immediately corrected to i know it's not a meeting, How was your Group? and i said something like, Intense and very Beauty Full and she was still "there", indicating, waiting if there was more, and i said my offering for the day was how i'd been thinking about Love. About Love as a verb. How i say Love Love and then more, I love you and what does that MEAN? to those i say it to and what does that mean really, to me? and she was still looking at me…..so i went on and said…..i used You as an example, saying something about how i have never figured out a way to love you, or, …….. express love that i think you are comfortable with, and at that point the kids burst upon the scene and we went on into the house
and i thought…uh~oh and then the day went on so Well. and there was less of ummmmm, the edgy humor that usually is present, and NO what we refer to as Sub Text to the exchanges and it was such a Good Good Day
and then……….today. They came to finish up the immediate things needing to be done in preparation for the Rain Season. Brought more bedding straw and put it in the Rain House. We talked it through and decided to bring the other calf hutch that was Sunny Ray's out and find a place for it in case there was a Goat needing shelter….OOna probably and she looked at the Thing that's going on with Oona's udder and butt hole which is a typical End Time thing occurring with old doe Goats. How do we want to deal with this and the conversation was Easy and Long and Slow and Gentle. She is pragmatic by nature but it was Easy and Long and Slow and Gentle and….when she called me to look at something, she called me MOM and not Graaaaace.
and this is what i want to say
if this were a perfect world in the way i might imagine it could be
there would be a World Wide Group Therapy. We would meet, ALL OF US, in our own little communities, but somehow also World Wide. on one day. every two weeks. When we would be our most authentic selves….no fear. trusting. and Wendy would facilitate. and just that. just that. could bring about change….where we all could become more easy and long and slow and gentle. and it would ripple out become many things. This i Wish today
no picture.
it went fast.
woke at 5 am for the Gathering at the Well. After which i left for Alyssia's for our DINNER….We COOKED and were just Who We Are. It was
a
very good day. home. in time to feed Goats. before dark. Enough. 2023
was looking for something i could not identify, just needed to look. and saw how many times i have repeated this figure, this Energy over years and maybe those words…claiming agency say it best. and i saw and Felt how i don't have the urge to continue. I wondered….who……would i draw now? how would the woman be different? There wasn't enough time to think about this today and not tomorrow either. But i look forward to asking the question again and see what the answer might be. There are just some few days left of 77.
today was pie day. Apple. It's interesting, no electricity. which ordinarily doesn't matter much at all because you are used to it. but then…when you are making a lattice top for a PIE , for the Saturday Dinner, and you need to see…..
but it's all ok and just……ok. Pie gets done.
April. according to both the Calendar and the archives here. i discovered the healing of the thing i have going on with my toes….which has become a painful winter season challenge to both body and Spirit. For a couple months ? I think? i used the leaves twice a day as poultice and the toes healed completely. Became again, just regular old toes and i quit. Not noting in either place when that was. Went on a while using the herbal salve from the woman i found in Paradise, but though it has everything else, no plantain. And Gum Weed oil. at her suggestion, and then quit that. All has been well until out of the blue…the other day….it all was THERE again. I remembered seeing those green green very healthy plants down by the creek….i think i said something about that here??? They are mature. Not the spring plants of B Garden i'd used and i wondered how they might be for learning to make my own salve but never went forward with that. So on the way back from town today, these leaves. Will try them as poultice again. There's a ton of info on YouTube about making the salve. Time to learn. Like some other things. Time to learn.
for no reason. There's a couple zip locks in the big basket on the other bench…very small scraps…..
it felt good to touch them.
looking out into the Doe Forest the words come into the mind….the play of light.
i think, Notice the play of light.
and if you Notice the play of light, do you just notice? and go on with whatever?, or do you stay. Noticing. a
while
and how long might that while be? and what if it , off and on, fills a day? or two? or three, or?
Stuff can take time. How much do we want to give it?, are Willing to give? and then, it "starts up"…mind asks…Why? What's it FOR, noticing the play of light? there's no answer. so what if you just do it. see what happens
