so….it's not What is next , but rather my relationship to whatever it is. Which could be anything, everything.
the relationship. and this is why WAITing is the key. And Trust. Trust because i know i can, because there is So Much i know i can trust. I'll let it all rest here a while.
Wonder…as a verb, as a noun.
the key, maybe to the Fertile Void is WAIT. she says to wait. trust.
like i am teaching Minnow. before lunging through the door, the gate, ………… wait. i tell her. her whole self quivers…over time, she will be still and chill, and wait….then…go, trusting that there is always the Going.
and What if the Fertile Void could be where Wonder is valued for itself? does not Become….anything else….is just
wonder. ?????
copper pot at B Garden
Having reviewed. several times. the findings of the Meter of Desire, That Wonder stands., alone. To arriving at the question that insists on answer
What NEXT?, then
and finding no answer, standing there, no answer,
Wendy * offers the concept of
The Fertile Void .
i google
and the first two that come up…..
Jazminerussel.com : Navigating confusion, lostness and emptiness "The Fertile void is a concept used first in Gestalt therapy which was created by Fritz and Laura Perls, to describe a state of not knowing , a precursor to something new and generative and perhaps even the state of feeling simultaneously empty and full at the same time".
phoenixterapypractice.co.uk : "my understanding of the Fertile Void does not eqate to doing nothing. The notion of the Fertile Void seems to me less concerned with activity versus inactivity and more to do with Purpose and Awareness. The Fertile Void is the phase of the cycle of Gestalt formation and destruction where there are not 'Figures', nothing stands out as being of particular interest and no energy is being directed to Sensations or Awareness. So the Fertile Void is the natural consequence of Withdrawal after Completion. There is no unfinished or unresolved need that pulls my attention."
* Wendy Golden Levitt, facilitator of the Gathering at the Well
a pattypan squash, so many blossoms but just this one has gotten this far. smaller than a dime. tiny. but
beauty Full.
maybe i can't find words for it yet, that OF ….. being OF but this moves toward what it is to me….to be Of…..
this is "my" Goat, Mercy. She and I, SheI, Us, and all of them, but right now, Mercy. Maybe the drawing tries to say it
feeling at loose ends
go sit. Wait for lizard. They always come.
i look at FaceBook for specific things. My brother and his family in Minnesota post there a lot. My son's woman posts she and my granddaughter's doings in the wilds of Colorado. And then…there are often things that just present that i like and share. and things somehow appear repeatedly that i have no idea how they "found" me…. Victoria Erickson. she's a writer she says. her posts are typewritten, with a typewritter, the old kind with a ribbon, the letters appearing both light and dark….which in itself is appealing to me. She posts a lot of quotes as well as her own thoughts. And in the context of choosing words….she wrote this the other day. it's not a new thought, as in, original, it's been said many times and me, in my own mind have thought it…actually, the thought being why i decided to post every day on this blog, that there was Some Thing, every single day, that is Beauty Full or, at least….WORTH taking note of….taking moments WITH, some thing that matters. She said
"Have you heard about glimmers? They are the opposite of triggers. A glimmer is a tiny micro-moment of happiness, a sign of hope. Once you begin to look for them, they will start to appear everywhere."
micro-moment. micro-moment. her choice of word. glimmers. glimmers and micro-moment and they have stayed with me and have meaning. All it takes is a micro-moment….it's enough…..to hold us. Amidst it all. Just a micro-moment.
i pass the Aloe every day as i give water….give her water, not every day,
i take her for granted. Remember, i finally repotted Her maybe 2 months ago? and found all those children of hers, coiled in the pot? around her roots. all crowded together but so Alive. this Aloe, Alz. B's plant from her porch in Socorro NM…i took it when she died. Didn't ask. just took her. and because i did that, when i loaded the Uhaul to come here, i put her in. my thievery was at Cause. Today i squated next to Her…she is perfect. Not a single tiny blemish. Perfect. and now maybe almost 3 times as big as when i changed her pot. Others have witherd this season. She….flourished. we are now even more related.
began in the night. on through the morning till 2 in the afternoon. No real break to Feed Goats…just a little lessening that only partly worked….
i do not love Rain. OR, i DO love rain but not for my own life….but the life of Earth… and it's too soon…not ordinarily until October. But…just this one day and a preview…to soften it when it really comes. to remind of what needs to be done in the next month
enough. there could have been even more "knobs" but this, enough to make the point. All this, and upon review of the findings from the Meter, it's by far and away….Wonder. Imagine. all the rest, simply included in these two. Encompased by them. I am really good at Wonder and Imagine. Really good. I sit and think about this on this rainy day.
and i think about that thinning. remember something i'd found…."persona and Anima switch roles and merge in slow smooth ways" "…Persona, outer, assumed aspect of character Anima, the feminine associated with philosophy, soul, esp. irrational as distinguished from the rational mind? tried but could not find the attribution.
so. the question will be………. Now what, grace?
We call it the Blue Book I AM THAT Nisargadatta Maharaj first published in 1973 in english. All the years, i would say things, "according to the Blue Book…." the Blue Book is now on the Book Shelf at Alyssia's known as Emrie's Library. He spoke directly and simply. the ONE to me……Do Not Cause. then he continued on to show "us" how we are AT Cause of our own "suffering".
Veronika is back. She called Alyssia. She'd made a mistake. was hopefully impulsive but needing to come back. A drove last night 3 hours to meet her half way. 3 hours back. 6 hours on the road. Veronika is back. her and her two little boys. She'd been told that Minnow is here now. so she knew. consequences. At first i said just be clear. Minnow lives HERE now. But then….i think. What if Minnow LOVES her….like dogs Do and Can, so much more than homo sapiens
her response, Veronika's, to it all was….she would like to visit her sometimes.
and then
in the middle of the night, Jenny woke, realizing that Ginger is at the exact place where i have been diverting the run off RAIN…to bypass the Feed Shed there. and that tomorrow, there is 63% chance of RAIN for half a day……..it DOES NOT RAIN in August here….DOES NOT RAIN but it IS forcasted to RAIN…here….in August . tomorrow. Most likely, not the kind of rain that would "river" down the road, but still….there is Ginger and her mound……. and it would be a total nightmare
and so They came. dug a diversion channel, set in some 2×6's, 2×4's added more Earth to the mound and tamped it down. We said Love Love and they left.
Puppy is appearing. it goes well for the most part, not, for a little
about all this
it's swirling in the spiral of my mind in that thing about the Persona Thinning Out….Wendy speaking of this in the Gathering at the Well….i need to understand more….it being exemplified now, repeatedly, the perfect comparison of now and the 2015 blog posts How….if i really want to be a writer.
how if i really wanted to be a writer
i would take
Time
choose words that would shape the story, to be True, but also as easy as possible?, maybe? Beauty Full, maybe?, because in its realness, all IS? but i don't. Things are appearing here as Journal Entries.
'
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