i have this cloth of Jude's. her words for it when it was in her shop included these:
"a playing card sort of thing, maybe a hand you deal yourself".
so in this moment, it is in this Theater. the central strip remains in place to cover the seam.
jude's cloth is there only for the moment but i needed to see it there. it was/is a catalyst for a huge understanding that came with the thought: what if i had dealt that hand myself, to myself?
20 years ago, i was on "my way". i did not know a destination, but i was Going. then, a crossroad appeared and i hesitated, played a quick game of solitare and veered to the left. at first the new territory was beautiful and full of everything i wanted it to be. there was a magician and this world belonged to him. and slowly over time it became something quite different than in the beginning when it had fit perfectly into an illusion that i had yet to understand. it has been over for going on 6 years now. i had forgotten tho, so much. the spell was very strong and took a long time to even begin to wear off.
so the big question now is: Now What? and the understanding of the moment is that there IS no single and specific true answer. what is important is that i carry the question with me through each moment now, that i carry it Care-full y and Mind-full y. no time to waste anymore. not a tiny second.
these thing are important this morning:
a quote from HH the Dalai Lama: "Whatever is designated by delusion is to be acknowledged. Due to cultivating compassion while on the spiritual path, the fruition of full awakening is attained. Who attains awakening? That too, is to be established conventionally, without examination or analysis. In order to pacify the suffering of oneself and others, impure appearances that arise due to ignorance are not to be rejected."
Women Who Run With the Wolves Clarissa Pinkola~Estes
Laurie Anderson Big Science Let X=X on Utube
ShaSha Higby The Glass Jungle, White Ash on Water on Utube
windthread 
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