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this Now that is happening

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the first of this springs babies.  the doe mama is Onday.  the dark one is a buck.  the marked one a little doeling.  over the course of the next weeks, 3 more does will kid.  the one peeking through into the kidding pen is Amelia. 

on the same day that the kids were born,  my mother died.  she was going to be 96 this year.  my brother is holding me to my word to write the obituary.  i thought about it all day.  and am thinking about it now still.  i think we should be required to write out own obituaries, up dating them as time goes along, maybe every 5 years or so??? 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 

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52 responses to “this Now that is happening”

  1. Deb G Avatar
    Deb G

    96…so much life. Yes, I think we should write our own obituaries. The goats, oh they make me smile. If I had just a little more room, a little more time. Wishing you peace…

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  2. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    you would love the goats. we just sat in there for a
    couple hours watching, listening. they were only a day and a half old and they are bizzy trying out all these
    complex things, like ear scratching with a hind leg,
    jumping, spinning, folding legs to lay down. constant.
    and Onday observes All Of It, voicing her thoughts to
    them. The sounds a mother goat speaks to her children
    is amazing. a whole range of vocalizations, and very individual, doe to doe.

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  3. Valerianna Avatar
    Valerianna

    New life as one gives way… deep peace to you.
    I love goats. They usually say my name well, really!
    (well, at least they say the first part, vaaaaAAlerie, quite well)

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  4. Jill Avatar
    Jill

    how wonderful!

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  5. KaiteM. Avatar
    KaiteM.

    baby goats are just the very sweetest of little creatures. i hope your Mom died peacefully, how remarkable that the baby goats were born on the same day, a good omen. It’s hard to write an obit, maybe keep it simple and let people reflect on their own memories. k.

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  6. Patty M Avatar
    Patty M

    I will hold you in my heart today. The comings and sad goings. I’m
    so glad you have those furry kids to remind of life’s full circle.

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  7. Cristina Ortega Avatar
    Cristina Ortega

    grace,
    ninety six years can allow for so many wonderful
    memories and experiences. bless your mom’s heart.
    i was asked to write and read my very first eulogy
    this year for aunt laura (93 yrs. old) she wrote many
    stories of her life and gave them to her nieces.
    I used her writings and read the eulogy in her voice.
    may our n.m. sun keep you warm and our star filled
    night sky watch over you and your family…
    peace.

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  8. Wendy Avatar
    Wendy

    This is so moving Grace; all my warm wishes for all these families.

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  9. jude hill Avatar
    jude hill

    life and death is what we hold. i want to touch these beautiful animals.

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  10. Peggy Avatar
    Peggy

    Dear Grace, I wish you peace while you have these gateways, life and death, on the path before you, really the same though, aren’t they? Nonetheless, it’s a change for us and we still miss our mamas . . . probably always will.

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  11. Helen salo Avatar
    Helen salo

    I just LOVE baby goats! Well, all animals as babies seem so cute and precious.
    Writing the obituary may be a way for you to have closure to what ever relationship you and your mother had. Yes, 96 years is a long life.I myself would like someone else to write it, but let me read it before I go so I could see what impression I left.I just hope when I’m gone they tell the truth.

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  12. handstories Avatar
    handstories

    wishing you comfort and warmth from good memories with your mom.
    i like the idea of writing our own obituaries– who knows us better than ourselves? the best one i ever read included funny warm memories a son had of his mom…of camping, singing and describing her passions. good luck.

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  13. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    their sounds amaze me and also amazing is how the
    herd responds to a single member’s vocalizations…they
    are extremely aware of each other at all times.

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  14. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    and more to come.

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  15. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    a good omen, yes. i think so too. also, it was Mardi Gras.

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  16. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    thanks Patty…i think i do my “homework” and am pretty
    good with how things come and how things go.

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  17. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    that’s so so good about aunt laura’s stories. these are
    the things that “count” about a person

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  18. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    hey Wendy

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  19. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    it’s what’s inbetween that has me thinking right now
    and
    yes. holding a newborn goat is a very singular thing.
    holding a newborn goat as the mother goat breathes
    into your face is another. they are amazing beings to me

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  20. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    Peggy…well..i pretty much have missed a momma all my
    life. our relationship was not the usual, so what i
    think about now is just trying to see clearly what it was.
    and also wondering if it’s necessary to try, since i
    actually will never know.

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  21. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    i think what i was thinking when i said that is that it
    seems to me to be a good thing to take stock of yourself,
    your life as it goes along. to wonder about how you
    are spending a lifetime. to be responsible, i think, i
    am meaning.

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  22. judy keathley Avatar
    judy keathley

    the goats make me crazy they are so precious. my grand daughters have two goats as pets –they are sooo entertaining –& touching —the girls —the goats…
    i think the loss of a parent is not simple. no matter what. i know from things you have written that your relationship with your mother was anything but simple. not being appreciated—not being SEEN–
    i’ve been told that SOMETIMES there can be an odd kind of grief connected to the loss of a parent who was never really there. that SOMETIMES theres this child part of us that no matter how old we are still has some faith, some hope , some belief that things will change & we will finally be recognized & appreciated for who we are from that person who birthed us. & then once they’re gone –that hope can feel forever dashed.
    i think you are unlikely to experience this because of the way you so mindfully live your life. so i’m not saying it to plant a weird seed or to say i think this is how it always goes. so why am i saying it?
    i’m not exactly sure . i guess its about being extra gentle with yourself right now.
    newly birthed beings. new or different commitment to your own daughter–& grand-daughter—- just seems like a rather large coming together of intense circumstances in your life right now. not that i think i’m saying anything that you don’t already know …..love…

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  23. Helen salo Avatar
    Helen salo

    Grace, reading Judy’s comment, the bottom line is (as bluntly as this sounds, but I just experienced this with my husband) “It is what it is, what it was” Don’t beat yourself up. Be happy with yourself and your own life and your present life with your children and the good you have produced out of whatever came before, and then move on.

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  24. judy keathley Avatar
    judy keathley

    fascinating —mother & child –& such individual relationships —blows my mind–

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  25. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    judy
    i really appreciate your words. i just hung up with my
    daughter when i read them and the conversation with her
    ended up with the thought that you
    just own up
    you just say
    this is what i can give
    this is what i can/could not give
    and not
    pretend.
    i have a lot of trouble with the pretending.
    anyone can be any way they are able….just
    own it.
    it’s the denial, the illusion that still is the issue
    that i deal with.
    all this is still ongoing. My brother’s adult kids are
    2 hours from his home in Minnesota. there is a LOT of
    family exchange/resolution in the works with the death
    of gramma.
    we are not plain people. we are a bunch of interesting
    individuals working through a lot of karma. and so it goes.
    so…yes. and i appreciate more than you can know your
    saying there is an “odd kind of grief”. because there
    is. and that’s the truth.
    MUCH love to you,

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  26. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    Helen…thank you too for your thoughts. but i don’t
    “beat myself up”. i hate that expression. sorry. but i
    do. it’s too easy.
    i AM happy with myself. am happy with my children. but
    still, there are these things that we try to make sense of.
    Making sense of things is not beating oneself up. think
    this is important distinction.
    so…my brother’s kids have made it through Michigan,
    through Wisconsin and are 2 hours out of Pinewood Minnesota. for them, for him, for dead gramma, i hope
    their time there goes for the good. that they just try
    to see what is true and what is true has as many different
    faces as the people who are looking.
    MUCH LOVE,

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  27. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    yup

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  28. Herm Avatar
    Herm

    sorry to hear about your mother’s passing, i’m sure you will miss her! — love the baby goats, wish i can touch them, and is Amelia their aunt?

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  29. manya Avatar
    manya

    I compose obituaries to my mum all the time, in my mind of course- maybe it is a way of imagining, preparing. I realised it doesn’t work..I’d be talking about myself.

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  30. manya Avatar
    manya

    I read this today, and for some reason it seems relevant
    “CELEBRATION OF THE MARRIAGE OF HEART AND MIND
    why does one write, if not to put one’s pieces together? From the moment we enter school or church, education chops us into pieces: it teaches us to divorce soul from body and mind from heart. The fishermen of the Colombian coast must be learned doctors of ethics and morality, for they invented the word sentipensante, feeling-thinking, to define language that speaks the truth.”
    from The Book of Embraces by Eduardo Galeano
    I wish the hug I’m sending was a real one

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  31. KaiteM. Avatar
    KaiteM.

    TypePad HTML Email
    Mum said it was a celebration for everyone, incl your
    Mom.

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  32. stitchinglife2 Avatar
    stitchinglife2

    The circle of life… thinking of you.

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  33. Peggy Avatar
    Peggy

    Just a thought, Grace — whatever your relationship was, it’s part of the good woman you are now and the connection you have with your own daughter. And, that may be all you need to know. xoxo

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  34. Suzanna Avatar
    Suzanna

    Grace I am thinking of you with all this happening at once. It is a very lot.

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  35. handstories Avatar
    handstories

    grace,
    just read Judy’s comment. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize the nature of your relationship with your mother. why I assume the rest of the world is all comfort, fuzzy and warm, I don’t know. my parents also don’t know how to know me, see me…i spent many years feeling broken. not sure whether to wish them gone, or hold onto the wish for magic that would repair it all. Please scratch my earlier comment.
    I wish you peace and understanding, which your thoughtful words sound like you already have. thinking of you.

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  36. helen salo Avatar
    helen salo

    yes, “making sense of things” much better phrasing and I never thought about the phrase “beating ones self up” so thank you for letting me think about it and I believe it will now be banished from my sayings. Good thought provoking Grace! Thank you. like I said before, this blog is like a good self help session. 🙂

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  37. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    Kaite..i really like your mom.

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  38. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    Peggy…that’s what i usually think. and really, what i
    DO think, but then in this moment i find myself second
    guessing some things.

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  39. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    complex, isn’t it.

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  40. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    Herm…no…not really an aunt, biologically, but all
    the does are like aunts to each others kids. Amelia
    is a really beautiful little young doe.

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  41. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    sentipensante
    such a beautiful word
    thank you, manya
    your hug IS a real one

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  42. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    Karen…thank you so much. for keeping on coming by
    here and the thoughts xoxo

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  43. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    it feels like a lot, yes. and then add my heartache for
    Lybia and now Japan…yes. a lot. maybe i am supposed
    to just surrender to all of it, i’m thinking. see what
    i come out the other side with?

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  44. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    Cindy…thank you for your revision, it made me smile
    that you did it. i think i am looking for Peace.
    and what i am thinking too, is that understanding may
    just mean that i need to apply all this to myself and
    how i am in relationship with others. my mother’s work
    was my mother’s work.
    xoxo, thank you

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  45. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    helen..thanks for being ok about my saying that. after
    i hit post, i thought it might be hurtful, and i did not
    mean it that way at all. so, thank you. time is making
    us able to actually say things to eachother in this
    cloth world…and that is a good good thing. xoxo to you

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  46. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    peggy…i answered here, but it didn’t “take” i think?
    anyway…this is how i usually think of it…exactly as
    you say, but sometimes, i second guess it all….

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  47. handstories Avatar
    handstories

    yes and thank you.

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  48. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    rereading what i wrote … i think that’s how it goes
    in these kinds of exchanges, mother/daughter
    you always feel the need to go back and check…see if
    you somehow “misunderstood”…isn’t that odd????
    no need to answer…but your response brought that thought
    to the fore. more x’s and o’s.

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  49. handstories Avatar
    handstories

    oh, i’m still here, still thinking. it is all so odd. mothers…having one, being one. those closest to you, involved in your every day…not necessarily able to speak your language and bringing such unsure insecure feelings. realizing what a huge load it’s been trying to understand my mom, an impossible load, because it’s not my story/work as you said. AND that it’s just as crazy to expect her to understand mine. another thank you for this revelation. i’ll stop now. but a long slow squeeze to you.

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  50. Martine Avatar
    Martine

    the birth of those little ones on this day must have been soothing for you………..
    XXXm

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  51. deanna7trees Avatar
    deanna7trees

    a bit late, i know, but i completely missed this post. i read the post about your brother reading your mom’s letters to you but there was no indication in that post that she had died and you said she had been living with him for 4 years. i’m so sorry. you are a brave and wonderful person grace. someone who is not afraid to be herself. i understand about not having a great relationship with your mom. as much as she might not have agreed with your way of life, i bet inside she was proud of you. my mom would only admit to others what she would not admit to me. sending my love and good thoughts to you even though it’s a bit late.

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  52. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    deanna…it’s ok…thank you for your thoughts.
    and it remains that i think even more now, that our
    insides and outsides need to match.

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