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cricket hospice

normally, it's pretty predictable around here, anymore.  but now and then, stuff gets shaken up.  like the last few days.  and we all have to         ~respond~      as it comes.  but we get lucky with small moments when we can just catch our breaths.  like this:001

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when it's just us,  the crickets (who remain participants in the spontaneous hospice program provided by this house with lots of cracks of entry as the temps drop) ,  just cruise at will here and there.  by this time, they commonly have only one leg left, one or no antennae.  somehow no one gets stepped on.  and in the gaps of unordinary days, there are these moments to rest by the warmth of the fire.   this is a gap like that.  and i am finding self fingering and over and over placing, changing and placing these 4 scraps of cloth which feels to me like a dream the Cloth itself is having, and i am just in it…Their dream.

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i go back and forth with this and just mindless stitching on this:

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on New Year's day, i began trying to quit smoking*.  made some significant progress, though i guess i actually would have to say i failed, because i didn't  totally  Quit…and then ……………… just a bunch of unexpected things began to happen and this morning i feel like an image in the viewfinder with  a ground glass focus mechanism of a 35mm SLR camera…just  "that much" out of focus and which ever way you turn it, ever so carefully, it's still just "that much" off…..    AND just let me say that anyone who sometimes has thoughts about not having had children….don't  devote too much time being wistfull.  it's is ok.  children, no matter how old, no matter how old the mother, require great flexibility of the Heart.  can sometimes make one of your antenna  fall off.         so ….* i had determined NOT to say anything about that here but i'm not one for withholding….

 

 

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43 responses to “cricket hospice”

  1. handstories Avatar
    handstories

    oh, grace, amen, yes, and beautiful, and that image of an antenna falling off (i’m duct taping one of mine on today). “crickets” crawling in crevices…they do. and you keep doing whatever gets you through.
    love.

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  2. deanna7trees Avatar
    deanna7trees

    Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
    Winston Churchill
    sending love. you’ve got the enthusiasm.

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  3. nance Avatar
    nance

    keep going… that would be your advice to me! so i give it to you! sending love which is the most important thing.

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  4. Suzanna Avatar
    Suzanna

    Yes, this is a perfect description of how it is sometimes, and I send love and words like Hang in There, but mostly love.

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  5. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Yes Grace, children encourage us to stretch to keep our antenna (legs too) on. Sometimes I feel like silly putty…if I get pulled suddenly, parts just crack, break off. But stretched slowly and I fair much better. Keep on truckin’ – you can do what you want/need to.
    My guy quit (using the patch) after 35 years of smoking. He never would have even tried if it were not for me and my asthma. Lots of will power needed, I guess.

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  6. Jacky Avatar
    Jacky

    Children…you dont know the bond, their direct line to your heart and whole being until you have them. You love, you laugh, you cry, you think you cant take anymore without something giving, something breaking. But like those incredible cockroaches, we manage to keep going (but sometimes such a struggle).
    Stay strong and stay Grace and good luck with the quitting.
    Jacky xox
    loooove those happy little doggies.

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  7. Jeannie Avatar
    Jeannie

    My heart is with you. Change of any kind is difficult and I applaud you for keeping perspective. I hope your limbs and antenae stay attatched and that this too shall pass. xo

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  8. Valerianna Avatar
    Valerianna

    Being here today put wind in my sails. Thanks. For a simple moment with a pile of dogs and a cricket in front of the fire, and for the image of your antennae falling off, love that! I think great art dreams through us – when we learn how to step aside and let it!

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  9. KaiteM. Avatar
    KaiteM.

    hold on to those breath catching moments, little moments of Now. soon the moment will pass and you can let go of the breath and breathe normally.

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  10. Deb G Avatar
    Deb G

    Sending you a hug Grace… I just love those moments when they all curl up together (three on the bed right now). I especially love it when they bark in their sleep and their tails wag. No wistfulness here…

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  11. jude Avatar
    jude

    does the cricket have a name?

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  12. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    i think maybe mia. not sure. her voice is small.

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  13. helen salo Avatar
    helen salo

    Grace, Quiting smoking is not easy! I quit in 1997 after smoking for almost 30 years. Don’t know how or why, I always say it was divine intervention because I then went to work at a health food store and he never would have hired a smoker. Not to discourage, but I still on an impulse, crave one, but have never succombed to the urge. But it is the hardest addictive drug on this earth (I believe) So all one can do is just keep trying no matter if it takes a while. Even if the only motivation is the cost. ha!( man have they ever sky rocketed!) Also, I chose to have no children and I have not one regret. I’ve seen too many heartaches and anxiety attacks no matter if one was the best parent or the worst there is no guarantee to any of it.

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  14. velma Avatar
    velma

    you are absolutely spot on about children.
    and quitting smoking? horribly hard. try to replace it with something good.
    crickets may eat your cloth, did you know?

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  15. Michelle Avatar
    Michelle

    Hi Grace (still in Massachusetts woods but travel back to NYC later today) I read this yesterday and was so touched by the dear dogs in that moment of quiet, and the legless or antennae-less cricket–but lost the internet connection before I could respond–I love the thought of being in the dream the fabrics are having–that we are all in someone else’s dream all the time, and they in ours–like I am in your dream right now and you were in mine when I read your words late last night. I thought about quitting this year too–but must admit it never got past the thought–I will perhaps struggle with it when I get home to the apartment–here, there is an outdoor space to roam, and I only smoke out doors–Home, I have no friends left (but one I seldom see) who smoke, and the mayor has made the streets safe from smokers, the parks too, so I always feel fugitive, and envy those who have escaped the addiction. We shall see–and I send you love and admiration for your efforts whatever they reap.

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  16. Michelle Avatar
    Michelle

    What a fine sentiment Deanna–from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm–perfect.

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  17. Eva Ucgatwork Avatar
    Eva Ucgatwork

    Dear Grace,
    Tiny Mia made me laugh…I have two ladybirds around: while writing this, one is sitting (a bug’s way of sun-bathing perhaps) in the light of my lamp.
    I hope your troubles and problems will come to a good ending.
    I am sending lots of good wishes over the Atlantic …I told those wishes to knock gently on your door, say a polite “Hello” and make you laugh (I actually asked them to give you a nice and relaxing massage, but they said the couldn’t do that!)
    eva

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  18. Yvonne Avatar
    Yvonne

    ‘Flexibility of heart’ being a requirement of motherhood rings true for me. Yes, there is also the wonder and warmth, but also times of such pain because of the hugeness of our caring and love. Love to you.

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  19. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    now i understand the absence.. somewhat.
    i laughed out loud at your statement of not being wistful about not having children.
    i have also had so many days of heartache and worry and fear. kids can be so cruel without even knowing… just living their lives.
    i think mindless stitching is the best cure for getting thru these days.
    you have lots of love headed your way. hope you can take it in.

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  20. manya Avatar
    manya

    body, heart, mind, all one, no? flexible. yes. what else? how else? thinking of cypress trees- very flexible- they bend when they are young, saw one bent over double with snow once, straight as an arrow now. never seen a crooked one, or a broken one. and they all know where they are going. and always when i see a cypress with my imagination it is against a sparkling clear sky, making it deeper. sending love. and progress is good.

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  21. ali Avatar
    ali

    “flexibility of the heart” is such an apt, poignant phrase…my heart has certainly been flexing during the past few weeks, and this is a helpful new way to frame that movement. thank you.

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  22. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    Amen, and yes.
    have been looking at child love in last few days. and
    what it is for me is that it has no regulation valve.
    i can’t turn it down or up. it just flows. all it
    takes really, is their voice. but when they are here,
    it’s just this very total kind of love. oh sigh.

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  23. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    this is just Great. and then, there are different
    kinds of failure, and degrees of failed. it’s a good
    thing, really.

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  24. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    advice given/taken back and forth. and we do improve,
    incrementally as we go.

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  25. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    mostly love.

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  26. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    yes. LOTS of will power.

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  27. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    yes…the dogs have it made.

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  28. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    yup. it’s Sunday night and everything is still attached
    and actually, cheery in it’s own way.

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  29. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    thank you for saying it all had value to you. that
    is a good thing for me.

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  30. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    yes. and you know, i’m thinking about the goodness,
    the usefull ness of stuff getting shaken up sometimes.
    it’s really a good thing.

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  31. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    good then. it’s an equal and very viable choice.

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  32. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    i roll my own so it’s way less of a money issue and
    there are no additives etc. but that’s beside the point.
    i will continue and will be done with it. it’s just
    time.

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  33. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Here’s me…hair flying, jumping up and down…pom-poms in hand:
    Kick the habit
    Kick the habit
    Bye-bye smokes!
    GOooooo GRACE!!!
    (heehee he’s had football on all day!)

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  34. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    i have the ultimate replacement in the cloth making.
    it’s something more for me. am working to understand
    it.
    they don’t seem to…eat cloth. and it’s just
    seasonal anyway. this will all be over by the end of
    Jan. i bring them in on the firewood mostly.

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  35. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    you are back now. happy.
    yes…that cloth dreaming. it’s still going on.
    yes. pariah. no one here smokes.
    it has to do with Freedom for me. it limits things
    that are increasing in importance. i need to connect
    to buddhist teacher at some point soon and it is THE
    thing that will be an impediment to the teaching i hope
    to ask for.

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  36. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    yes…wishes can only do so much.
    things are settling back, are ok.
    and dear cricket Mia, saw her tooting along across
    living room rug this afternoon. so, she’s good too.

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  37. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    there’s nothing like it. nothing.

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  38. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    yes. am learning to receive and make good use of it…

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  39. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    a cypress tree. i like the image. will “hold” that
    close.
    and yes. progress IS good.

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  40. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    ali….Hello!…and thanks for coming here. yes.
    there is an expansion/contraction with deep concern
    and to not fight against either, just let it
    happen. then as many have said, it all falls back
    into its own balance
    again…thank you for coming. LIKE your blog and
    looking forward to learning more about your life…

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  41. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    SMILING…you look very cute with pompoms and flying
    hair!

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  42. velma Avatar
    velma

    that’s wonderful, grace. you do, indeed. the crickets, from what i’ve read, like to eat natural fibers.

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  43. liamm1320 Avatar
    liamm1320

    I’ve been hoping to find a nice hospice in Plymouth. I’ve never had to before, so I was wondering if you could lead me in the right direction? My friend suggested going here: http://www.nvna.org/services.html, is that a good idea?

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