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103 evening

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taken with the Flash

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what someone might see when they drive up the road

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a cradle moon

a while ago, i said something about how i read in some buddhist publication about how Thoughts are mental constructs.   how…and now i forget, but how feelings then arise?????  Feelings.  Thoughts.  i have many tonight.  i go around, these days of a certain kind of urgency to get stuff Ok for when the babies are born and they will NEED ……………..Time.   they will need uhhh focus.  Knowing this from experience.  how Cinderella and Sunny Ray are.  loving, trusting, wanting…compared to Just Going, the last born last summer and when i was just worn out and in the Oh Well mode.  she still is skittish.  she tries, but it's still a thing of not quite.  

and i continued today.  it was 103 degrees.  i hauled a bale of bedding straw in to the doe pen and across, over to the Guinnea hen palace where it was often the case that the birthing would begin. trying to avoid a birth in the sand that becomes mud with the amniotic fluid (sp) and it's just plain Hot.  so.  that done and They all inspected it.  peed on it.  some, shit as Snowbunny, the Matriarch.

and i have had Thoughts and Feelings all day.  Lots.  have been working with the idea of Stamina, as i go about here, knowing in a certain way it is some kind of wierd Garden of Eden, really.  anything could happen here if someone wanted it to.  and thinking back to a couple of years ago when i was ready to let it all go, when i was ready to Defer to the Daughter, to the "Next", and how

here i am now,  looking it all, including myself in the face………………..

 

 

 

 

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19 responses to “103 evening”

  1. linda Avatar
    linda

    it is amazing how we get to where we are. like jude’s mother, asking how she got there. i know it is day to day and we don’t plan it, just go with it. here you are and it takes so much to be there and keep going. i am sure you would like to sit down some days and just be. stamina is what i have now too. just the stamina to keep going till my job is done. it takes pacing.
    you are a good mother to all those babies that will need you.
    thinking about you tonight..

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  2. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    My usual waking to find the computer still on–rising to shut it down, I peek at blogs–see your homestead and it’s glowing lamps at night under the cradle moon–read your words, and am reminded of a poem I read early Tuesday morning…..Simply add S to all the he’s:
    Love
    by Czeslaw Milosz
    Love means to learn to look at yourself
    The way one looks at distant things
    For you are only one thing among many.
    And whoever sees that way heals his heart,
    Without knowing it, from various ills
    A bird and a tree say to him: Friend.
    Then he wants to use himself and things
    So that they stand in the glow of ripeness.
    It doesn’t matter whether he knows what he serves:
    Who serves best doesn’t always understand.

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  3. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    thank you for sharing as you wait for the sound of the birthing Bleat!

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  4. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Who knows when and if the Next will come but the pull of the land, the pull of this piece of Eden, the pull of this long loved place, each blade of feather grass, each bit of dirt, each growing thing, each goat thing, each crow sighting, each spayed toad welcoming, each morning greeting this sky, each evening putting the day to rest, the pull of the heart’s landscape is everything.

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  5. beth Avatar
    beth

    The temperatures seem to be matching the number of days…
    Stamina is a struggle for me. A few days ago “keep” crept into the just going-ness for me. Just Keep Going. I can feel the waiting here in you.

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  6. Dee Avatar
    Dee

    I noticed that, too, Beth. Grace, your surprise at where you find yourself is like a cool cloth. Don’t know why.

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  7. kat Avatar
    kat

    These last photos show an island of peace to me. (Despite the heat. It’s bad enough in SF, can’t imagine how you cope.)

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  8. LaceLady Avatar
    LaceLady

    I love the “light in your window” ~ my favourite time of day, dusk. So welcoming. Silent, peaceful, a satisfying reward at day’s end ~ no more stamina and none required.

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  9. judy martin Avatar
    judy martin

    Dear Grace
    Your stamina, your gumption, your sisu is to be admired. Keep on keeping on.
    xx

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  10. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    i am loving learning the concept of stamina. and today
    i understood too that it means rest. after SOME days
    of such just going in over 100 degrees, i woke this morning to knowing that i needed to do cloth. knowing that this
    was part of it all that would allow the endurance to continue in a good and usefull way.
    and what i am liking is that it is constant. because it
    is the underlying Agreement with self, with life.
    gone, seemingly(?), is the sense of things being Fragmented
    which caused so much comotion, which drained energy.
    this is so great. i am so grateFull.
    the thought of you thinking of me at night is very pleasing….

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  11. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    you can see already how much i love this poem. oh how
    much i love his words. they are IT for me. and how
    you can find these things…!!!, amazing. and i would
    have gone probably my whole life without having read
    his words…without him reiterating that something that
    i “knew”, but could not say….
    THANK YOU AND THANK YOU AND LOVE LOVE LOVE,

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  12. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    oh…i am so tuned in. waiting. waiting. waiting.
    and now…it seems we are gone through the over 100 degree
    days and that is very good. i am ready. my bucket of
    nose cleaning water is by the front door. the soft cloths
    are torn to size and stacked. the utility light and
    extension cords poised for in case it’s night. the straw
    is fluffed. the loop leash hanging where i know.
    ready. to hear that distinct and sharp alert.

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  13. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    yes. who knows. and that is what i would so much want
    to truly and fully come to peace about.
    it IS now. and now is very very good. and i know HOW
    to do now and learn and learn and learn.

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  14. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    i know what you are saying, but what i am finding is that
    if i take heed of that “keep” and keep on keeping on, the
    feeling of that strengthens the understand of Just Going.
    and maybe it just becomes second nature over time?????
    yes. lots of waiting in me.

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  15. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    well…i was “supposed” to be gone.

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  16. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    when things are not of the Waiting mode i don’t mind the
    heat. and that’s a lot to do with finally now having a
    life that can accomodate what is needed. ie: not have
    Away Work every day. the AW i do have can be adjusted.
    it’s is an incredible blessing.

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  17. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    oh…that’s IT!!!!…”none required”.
    (unless about Goat kidding.)

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  18. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    Judy…thank you. sisu. i think there is similar
    consciousness maybe in Czech culture????

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  19. Minka Avatar
    Minka

    Love this set of photos. I’m waiting for the kids now too…and learning more….nose cloths? To clean off the brand new noses?

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