it was very evident how dry this Earth has been.  by mid day all the pools of standing water were gone.  just layers of sticky mud

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i cleaned for Old Cowboy today.  then visited Alz B and fed her lunch.  one of the other residents, Marilyn who used to be in the Alzheimer's Unit with B and got "voted off the island" too,  was doing something odd.  my guess was that she was having very low grade seizure activity…in an on going way.  all through lunch,  she was at the table across the way from us and i could watch her.  so after lunch,  i pulled up a chair to her wheel chair.  she only looked at me once, when i first appeared and said her name.  but then remained involved in the Internal activity.  i very lightly stroked her shoulders, her neck.  running my hand down the back of her head.  she liked that.  i can't tell you how exactly i knew, but she did and i knew.    and i asked one of the nurses when they passed and yes.  a very mild seizure activity.  Unless you are family or otherwise authorized  person, they cant give any information.  so i didn't ask.   But for whatever reason, i want to say it here.  Document.

Marilyn was having a difficult time today.  her body was doing things that she didn't understand and had no control over.  it was worrying her in some way, i'm not sure how.  All i know about Marilyn is that she lived alone  west of here.  she had dogs and horses.  she has never had a visitor that i have seen in a year.

then, i got more Goat pellets from the one feed store.  i'd left a whole new bag in the truck bed Monday and it swelled twice its size from the rain.  i'll see if the guy down the road might be able to feed it to his pig.  at the other feed store i got 2 bales of straw.

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managed to pop open that little fence gate with a hammer and a "wonder bar" (it swells tight with moisture) and unload while the Goats were preoccupied with their pellets.  spread it.  for this moment it will provide a barrier from the mud.  

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Jude's Magic was the only one that watched.

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Arctica knew i was doing something.  but she continued to work at the dead Russian Olive.  with horses, they call it "cribbing".  a kind of compulsive gnawing on whatever there is to gnaw on.  the Goats work away at this tree when there is some anxiety.  they also "crib" the back door.  sometimes during the night.

and then…there was maybe 4 very small raindrops 

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and here they came.  Surprised and interested to find the straw.  soon, they were all there.

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according to the National Weather Service, there is supposed to be more storm tonight.

When i was at the second feed store, there was a Navajo woman there.  she bought a wire "dog crate"  the medium size.  she said to the store guy, for their lambs.  so, being me,  at the counter, when she was paying, i asked her….do you worry about them?  the sheep?  when it's like this?  and she turned her head somewhat in my direction, but not entirely. ( never look into someone's face) and laughed that oh so singular soft Navajo laugh sound, and her head tilted sideways.  she didn't really answer me.  i know they raise sheep.  have for generations.  some are kept for wool.  the  little ones sold for whatever and that includes meat.  they understand things.  it is simply inside them.  it was simply inside her.  i know that when her ewes birth, she is there.  i know she watches over her herd like she is the Mother herself.  and i also know that they go so further than i know how in understanding How It Is.  her laugh was soft.  the turning of her head, kind.  she knew very well what this old hippy was asking.  she did not answer.  and that in itself is my answer.  

Find Out For Yourself.

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so.

now,  this day is ending and the Crickets have begun.  i saw today several very small lizards born last month probably.  THEY are in a world that is Perfect to them.  could not be more perfect.  and i put some black beans in the copper pot to sit tonight, catching Rain.  i look at this face and  try to see,  really,  like, Very Really,  how truly beautiful it is that Cloth Making tells me things.  How when i first drew that face and placed the Karma Hat on it…i had no idea.  i just DID it.  and how since, it has continued of its own accord.  and how as i go through my days i think of the "look" and try to make my own face like that….how it feels.  how it loosens things.  how it lets things Be.

 

 

 

 

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25 responses to “195”

  1. Valerianna Avatar

    There is a lot embedded in this post… lots… of pondering. I just tried to see if I could emulate this expression, but, no… not I. I wonder what my loosen things and let things Be face might look like, I’ll see if I can get that.

    Like

  2. grace Avatar
    grace

    i can do it. i can. for a single moment. right now.
    but i want it to Last.

    Like

  3. deb Avatar

    Whenever I read about the goats I always think about what they would do if the fences came down and they were left to their own instincts and devices. Do they live wild there? They strike me as serious survivors.
    There has been a steer wandering loose for months in a northern suburb of the ATL . Feeding, hiding, surviving.

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  4. grace Avatar
    grace

    deb…i love. LOVE this thought. What WOULD they do?
    i think they might stay close. i think they might wander off some but come back. come back. because of the
    love?

    Like

  5. linda Avatar

    a full day. i love the way the woman didn’t really look at you and yet she did. so interesting.
    the woman’s face is so peaceful. i can’t get that look tonight. you draw so beautifully..

    Like

  6. Nanette Avatar
    Nanette

    Your cloth woman has Found Out For Herself

    Like

  7. jude Avatar

    just find out. right. my father was a bit like that. i remember he taught me not to whine, and i appreciate that, the look. the tilt. as he just kept doing whatever it was that he was doing. your rains are headed this way they say. the crickets were singing it last night. i went to bed early but listened all night to sounds. slept an hour or two and up early, hauling wood before it is all soaked. i’m not tired though, in a bad way.
    i love the pic of all the goats in that straw lined square space. and magic.

    Like

  8. patricia Avatar

    oh Grace. the serendipity of running in to the wise one. what she conveyed to you. the holding and letting go simultaneously. such a balancing act, this life.

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  9. beth Avatar

    It’s a knowing face, there on the cloth. Hope the straw gets you all through.

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  10. dee Avatar
    dee

    such a full post! full of you, your knowing, your goats, your encounters, your world!
    I woke to a story on NPR about how the sequestration cuts are hurting the Navajo communities, where suicide occurs at four times the national rate and where services will have to be curtailed … a woman who lost a brother to suicide now counsels at risk people (mostly teenagers) and quoted a shaman who had told her, “You have to have a taste of the bad to offer the good”.
    Not sure how it applies here, but being the same morning and all, how can it not? We had brutally hot temps in the Boston area yesterday.

    Like

  11. helen lee Avatar

    I love that some of the goats are peeing on this fresh, new straw. I used to enjoy so much watching the pleasure horses took in a nice, deep, new bed of straw…sometimes even rolling in it. I used to use much more straw than my father really wanted me to….my teenage perspective was to provide as much comfort as possible….his was, the cost of it all. I understand that now.
    I am very glad that Marilyn has you to care…touch is so so important.
    Her expression….isn’t it fascinating, that assuming that look, gives the FEELING of that look. I THINK I got the feeling for a little moment…I liked it :~)
    Glad you’re all ok over there.
    Love.

    Like

  12. grace Avatar
    grace

    OH…you noticed. yes. peeing in the fresh new straw…
    that Face would apply for this…..
    that’s Barbara and SnowBunny…marking. making sure
    everyone else knows.
    out here, how much i put doesn’t really matter. sooner or
    later their cloven hooves will mix it into the earth.
    when i first started putting straw in the Albatros, the
    giant shed, last fall, i did as you did. deep comfy like
    futon floor of straw. UNTIL the first time i needed to
    rake it out, load it all in the many trips with wheelbarrow to the compost. since then, i got a little
    more chintzy.
    and Marilyn. she is an interesting woman.
    i can only get what i think is that LOOK for short times,
    but i’m keeping on trying and yes. it DOES change things,
    even just the trying.
    we’re ok now, another cell is approaching…i can watch it
    on the weather radar map.
    LOVE to you….

    Like

  13. helen lee Avatar

    Ha! Yes…the mucking out! It was one of my jobs every morning before going to school…mucking out and feeding the horses. We only kept one stable as deep litter…the biggest one, where the young ones were first backed…invariably we were, (I was…my brother usually stuck like glue), bucked off, so it made for a softer landing :~))
    Beautiful Barbara and Snowbunny :~)))))))
    Hoping the next weather front will be kind. x

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  14. Minka Avatar

    Did you draw the hat or is it a printed textile? The goats look great and well lived.

    Like

  15. Robyn Ayaz Avatar
    Robyn Ayaz

    I love the faces you draw and the hat is perfect. The goats obviously loved the straw and the little shelter, makes me wonder about the goats out there in weather without such love, how lucky they have you. And for Marilyn who has such a caring person to just give a human touch, it is so important. Love.

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  16. grace Avatar
    grace

    really didn’t yet did…yes. it’s a Navajo thing.
    and it has great effect.

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  17. grace Avatar
    grace

    Nanette…thank you for coming by.
    i think she has found out at least some things….
    maybe how to um, regard
    what’s going on?

    Like

  18. grace Avatar
    grace

    i would have liked to know your father.
    wood. yes. my wood is soaked now. thanks for the
    reminder. i need to spread it out a little during this
    month. in October that begins again.
    i need to create a solid wall on that newest square
    space to fend off the winter Wind. Shelter. it’s strong
    on my mind.
    yes. Magic. she is interestingly individual.

    Like

  19. grace Avatar
    grace

    eeee. yes. balancing, trying.

    Like

  20. grace Avatar
    grace

    it’s ok for the time being. might need another layer,
    but it’s working

    Like

  21. grace Avatar
    grace

    thank you for the NPR…i went over and listened.
    and i think it is true. we have to have a taste, first
    hand, to be able to truly understand anything.

    Like

  22. grace Avatar
    grace

    the hat is a textile print that i overdyed in the Walnut.
    they are well fed, for sure.

    Like

  23. grace Avatar
    grace

    my constant concern has been/is, ongoing…..shelter.
    and i have through October to get it as right as i can
    for the Cold Days.

    Like

  24. mimmin Avatar
    mimmin

    love the effect of 4 drops and the expression ‘a little
    more chintzy’
    here sheep don’t bother about the rain, they just munch on unless it is very windy too. perhaps because it rains so much?

    Like

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