i don't know exactly what to say. i was cut short last night with the immediate feelings…got a phone call from granddaughter who was at some airport with a long layover and she wanted to hear how it all went. then the conversation went on a long time with things she wanted to talk about. so…like over an hour?, maybe almost 2 hours? but when that was done, i'd lost the Thread and just went to sleep.
today, it is strange. maybe kind of feels like a waking dream. like everything is how it always is but there is something very different about everything too. Working away felt dream like. Since i am home, feeling dream like. and i keep coming back to look at this horse.
i can sit and stare at this photograph non stop. no thoughts, just looking at this photograph….
there were some that were much more beautiful. the buckskins, for instance. and the mule. i didn't mention the mule. but it's This One.
so i found my book from so long ago: Focusing by Eugene T. Gendlin, Ph.D. from way back in 1978. and i'll put some of the words here because it's close to what's going on, maybe.
"….an inner act. a perfectly natural one. ….but our language contains no words to describe it…
focusing. It is a process in which you make contact with a special kind of internal bodily awareness….a felt sense. A felt sense is usually not just there, it must form. You have to know how to let it form by attending inside your body. When it comes, it is at first unclear, fuzzy. By certain steps it can come into focus and also change. A felt sense is the body's sense of a particular situation. A felt sense is something that you do not at first recognize…it is vague and murky. It feels meaningful, but not known. It is a body-sense of meaning." so. Felt Sense.
what maybe it feels like is that there is something that i don't know anything at all about that is always there, always Has Been there, but i never saw it before. like a different "layer". and that i have been given a glimpse, or Felt Sense of this layer by going there yesterday. maybe too that what i think i know about things is only such a superficial thing. that each
"thing" is way more than i am able to see. like this horse.
and like what's going on there. how it seems like so Nothing Much on the surface, but what's going on there is way more than meets the eye. it's something that needs to meet the Heart.
this Woman is so Completely and DEEPly devoted to JUST GOING, softly, gently, and
effectively
with an Untenable situation. Wild Things. that were so long, able to be Wild. and can no longer be. We, human beings, seem to have moved beyond even any awareness of that option….letting Wild be Wild. understanding that it is an Intelligence so old and so beyond our own that can govern Wildness. Wilderness.
if you double click and look at her face
you can see such a softness there. an attentiveness. a waiting for the decision of a counterpart that is Equal.
it wasn't until late late last night that i realized that she was with me, as she is with them. After the other Visitors left, i asked if it would be ok to just wander through the pens. Yes. and she came with me. i was not expecting that. There was a lot of silence. a lot of just standing, looking. looking close but also a different kind of looking that took in the Whole of what is Going On There. a seeing of an Energy, kind of. we did not speak of that. as we paused here and there, she said the names of the horses…a whole batch are named after famous photographers….Ansel Adams, Stiegliz…
and a mare named mrs. Somebody.
and this horse….did she tell me his name? if she did, i don't remember.
how his nose had the mark of the SunSet, as did his chest…over his Heart. he needs eye medicine. but he will be fine. we stood there a long time. silently. the ThreeofUs. and then i said i needed to go home and feed the Goats. she nodded. but i realize she treated me just as she treated/treats Them. she waits for cues and then just goes with those cues. Just Goes. Ok. and i am so so so Beyond filled to the Brim with What?, i don't even know.
windthread 
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