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drifting, looking

to Music Thursday with Alz. B and her son Bill who is back from his trip to the island in Maine.  and interesting,  someone in the Forum  of Jude's Considering Weave thought that the little weave looked like a Ukulele.   and at Music Thursday,  the ordinarily Banjo guy was playing instead,  a Ukulele.  and they sang Ukulele Lady,  which i have been singing in my head for a while now….so, ????

 

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these scraps showed up.  i like them here for some reason but will have to wait to find out.  And actually,  what i was thinking wasn't ukuleles  at all but rather coordinates.  and associated words that are on my rolodex,  like, ellipsoid, longitude, latitude, meridians.  Though they don't really apply at all to this,  they did in my mind and i love the words anyway.  And it IS about Place and

also Rain

however they go together in my head these days…..and the dreaming that is driving me a little crazy lately,  same old same old dreaming, but seeming to be "louder" and "faster" than usual.

 

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so,  i came home and made this.  It's Zuchini Pizza.   It's from a self published booklet of recipies a woman made in Ann Arbor, Michigan years and years ago and it has nothing to do with Pizza but that she said to call it that and maybe your kids would eat it.  All her recipes were for zuchinni.  Its one of my most loved comfort foods of summer.  

 

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i tried to get a pic of Onday's Knee Hairs….she's in the back here, her daughter Mercy in foreground.   This year she has grown these hairs?????  Like on her thighs and down to knees.  No one else has them…?????  Mercy is almost 2 and is getting redder and redder.  she was brown.

 

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and so we get to Tay.   Photographing her is similar to photographing the Goats…something is always in motion.   I spent a lot of time  trying to really SEE how it's going with Tay.  Today is the Third week here.   What IS it REALLY,  i tried to See,  to Understand.  How much of it is Her and how much of it is Me with my habituated preferences.   To be totally honest,  it's kind of a  uhhh, well,  kind of a nightmare for me….but a morningmare.  Mornings are my most loved time of day.  They are now,  HER.   So, what do i want to make of that?  and why?  and many many questions.  Once again, it's not what i would imagine self to be preoccupied with,  but then,  that almost seems just how it Goes for me.  Surprises.  Daughter asked me once…"Just how many times are you going to be surprised?"   Who knows.

 

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23 responses to “drifting, looking”

  1. beth Avatar
    beth

    Hello Grace. I’m kind of drifting looking too. Without many words. I have a recipe for zucchini pizza too. I wonder is it the same. grated zucchini, egg, sliced tomatoes, green pepper, olives, mozzarella and I can’t remember what else… layered.

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  2. grace Avatar
    grace

    similar, no olives, mushrooms.

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  3. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    Hey–I said the thread reminded me of a harp–but banjo is more like it. Love what the daughter said about being surprised…ha…it’s all about being surprised–change and changing. It’s a great quality, an openness sort of quality. I think I’ll be making a zucchini ‘pizza’ this weekend since I plan to go to the farmers market….and the cheese, well, that’s the ‘comfort’ part for me. Have a feeling Tay will surprise you one day too, and I think it will be one of those sort of ‘yipeeeeee’ surprises too. May be wishful thinking on my part. I know about the morning treasure time…hard to relinquish that.

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  4. grace Avatar
    grace

    it might be wishful thinking. this evening what a surprise! Evening being her Best time, tonight, she suddendly became very Fearful.
    to the point i needed to close the Winter Door to keep her from
    hiding in the house….
    so i sat outside with Chinche, just sitting, Tay sat pressed, like pressed to the door in total anxiety. all there was were sounds of
    the Hood. dogs barking, some people noises, but something caused
    alarm in her. Right now she’s pressed up in the corner against the
    bathtub. Not a good sign. There’s really nothing going on.

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  5. Judith of N. CA Avatar
    Judith of N. CA

    Tay’s fear: perhaps she’s hearing things you cannot…distant fireworks or the retort of a gun; did she have a run-in with something, a board that fell, a goat head butting through the fence, something that occurred while you were gone; does she bark or howl when you’re gone and a neighbor yelled at her ? Will she let you cuddle with her instead ? With her leash on, try walking her around the property and she if she reacts to any specific thing. Hopefully this will subside and you all get a good night’s sleep. Wishing you both well…love.

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  6. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    She knows something you don’t–wonder what–something triggered a bad memory (had experience with that in several cases) their hearing is acute (can be a positive thing), or maybe she picked up on the return of your ‘if-y’ your thoughts about her. They can’t talk so they are super sensitive in that more elemental way….I used to put Dr. Bache Rescue remedy in the water dishes. Hope she calms.

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  7. patricia Avatar
    patricia

    so interesting the way “tension” or something similar to that is created with the addition of the other blue scraps. originally all seemed so absolutely calm and harmonious–then out of the blue (ha) more blue, different blue, totally changed things. kinda like the addition of Tay to your life.

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  8. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Held taut: cloth, life with Tay.
    Re the cloth: the strings/threads in the oval center of the cloth, taut but on both sides of the oval, broken rows of stitches…so yes, tension and that is a good word that Patricia uses to describe both cloth and the coming of Tay into your life.
    What is known is the comfort of the weave in the cloth, the soft harmonious colors. What is unknown is the dynamic of adding the other shades of blue strips at the top. When I look at this cloth now with the pinned additions, those bits of blue, especially the darker one perfectly tell of the storms that come literally and metaphorically, the “surprises”, the unexpected, the unknown…like the cacophony of sound and fury from thunder and lightning that sometimes is alleviated with the comfort of rain falling, other times, no rain, just the dry crackle in the air.
    Re Tay: What is known is that she is still a puppy, still adapting to her place with you. Tay, who likes the night but equally likes making her presence known during the sacred time of your day, the early morning. What is unknown is whether or not she will be able to fulfill her duty as guard dog. Frightened by something unknown last night, the unexpected surprise of this situation. Three weeks now living in this taut land, when do you cut yourself some slack? When do you know that it will work with Tay or not? I realize that the question that I just posed might sound harsh, I don’t mean it to, I just wonder about easing the taut, easing the tension…

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  9. Cynthia Avatar
    Cynthia

    i so love the way we all look the way we all see…when i opened this post and saw the new scraps i was away to water..far away water…waters i have been lucky enough to swim in , drift through and there is such a delight in hanging in water and looking down and watching the color change, the clarity… the distortion of self against the intenseness of the change beneath you..
    in the middle of a “green food challenge “..and zucchini has been a challenge this week…our most popular have been a lasagna ..where long peels of the veggie replace the pasta..we have gluten free kids…which yes increases the challenge..and cheese rolled and roasted..with an amazing yoghurt dill sauce..since our oldest chef is almost 12..lunches are are so interesting …waiting to see what will appear ..the children would be happy if we had more many more tomatoes and much less zucchini…
    and i do see the tensions and puzzles in the actual days and interactions….but the piece continues to be soft for me and water borne..from rain to ocean…and i am grateful for the joy of memory gentle day grace

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  10. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    love the way you revoice what Grace is saying herself. with every animal I’ve brought into my life there is always that ‘holding’ period. . .will it work or not? will i come to love them? we love them, of course, in a general sense. . .but that personal love that comes when you know they are really yours. . .and they know that you are theirs. . .we wait to see whether and how it transitions into that. and cloth. grace’s living cloth softens those edges. . . . .xx

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  11. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    hey (((Tay)))

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  12. Drucilla Pettibone Avatar
    Drucilla Pettibone

    i’ve got to say that Tay is so very very beautiful. which makes her a perfect match for you.

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  13. grace Avatar
    grace

    beauty is as beauty does tho, right?

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  14. Drucilla Pettibone Avatar
    Drucilla Pettibone

    i dunno. sure it’s all subjective. but the eyes, i think they transcend.

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  15. grace Avatar
    grace

    really, reply to Michelle…so we see. Something WAS going on…this now being the next day.
    i can give up a lot for stuff. We’ll see.

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  16. grace Avatar
    grace

    a window smashed. Ok. I took her out tonight, Friday.
    Took her outside the fence. by the smashed window car.
    Walked all around with her. If today’s GOODNESS holds,
    i will take her out and let her understand the world we
    live in. it will make more sense to her then.

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  17. grace Avatar
    grace

    i took them away today. there is no need for them in the
    cloth. the Cloth is just the Cloth and talks from itself.

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  18. grace Avatar
    grace

    well..none of us Knows at this point when the Release will be or how the Release will come. So we wait. we just go.
    and we Wait.
    Today, Friday, could be the release. or it could be just one day. there is now Tomorrow. we wait. She is now outside,
    Barking. Trying again to fulfill her place here. Which is
    more to me than Guardian of the Gate. I want her as a
    friend, to go off into the wildlands with. That’s a lot
    to ask. No human that i know wants to do that, or can.

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  19. grace Avatar
    grace

    i love that it’s soft and water borne, love this and love
    so much hearing anything at all from your world…..

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  20. grace Avatar
    grace

    she say hey mo

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  21. grace Avatar
    grace

    i am so hoping. so hoping they transcend. so hoping.
    but they are HER eyes. what does SHE need?

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  22. Drucilla Pettibone Avatar
    Drucilla Pettibone

    you are looking. really looking, and asking. you’re so far ahead in that alone! and you’ve had a lot of practice.
    i think my own personal nightmare (laika, wolf-dog at 3 1/2!) mostly needs play, but also love, and to please. and she does ❤

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  23. grace Avatar
    grace

    so many stories to live and tell…

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