i woke this morning to an email from Patricia because she couldn't comment through typepad last night.  (and i couldn't either.  it's how it is someTimes)  but what she said is important.  Of All of Us, including me,  Patricia is the best Looker.  She double clicks and scans and looks Close.  She notices.  She takes Time.  

 

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she said:

"just spent time hanging out here..in these wonderful rooms full of amazing things.  remembering the first time i saw this book…sabine's notebook…how absolutely amazed i was…how i kept wondering "what IS this?"  so thrilled with it.

and now…i wonder about the suitcase on the chair and think perhaps it's storage?  and the fly swatter…a training tool?   and it goes on and on…the things that are woven into your life.  the hole in the indigo and the shirt on the chair.  the weaving on the wall over the couch…where he slept…what did it catch?  I'm so enamored with Alyssia yet find self wanting to know more about him.  and thinking that 2 days w/o using…how addicted could be be?

just all these things…noticing.  and holding you in my heart as we go through our days."

Patricia Spangler   followingthread.wordpress.com

and she slowed me.   slowed me sloooowed me.   I went back to this pic and looked through her eyes at what i live with.  Through her eyes and her Asking.  I LOVE her Asking.  

i think about slow.  think about Asking.  How i might go slower and Ask more.  Not just GO.  but be in the place of just going.

Sabine's notebook…Why DID i pull it from the shelf?,  hand it to Alyssia?  We never got to it,  but what might i have been thinking?  I think i was wanting her to see something of someone who has a mind beyond and beyond the Usual….as her's is,  and as sometimes she has concerns about.  Sabine's Notebook remains for me after all these years,  just a Mystery.   a Mystery.  Some things are.

the suitcase on the chair is Jeff's.  It's stuff he brought here that had  meaning to him,  that he was worried might be lost where he was keeping them.  Such a strange collection of stuff inside.  And added to it things he found at the Old Cowboy's the day he was there with Alyssia and i.  What he chose to add to his Own Stuff.  things like  Cuff Links,  a trout belt buckle.  Keys and some watches.

the hole in the indigo,  taken to be a Moon but then the cloth with a hole,  what it can become

the weaving on the Wall…Tay's Weaving…   What DID it catch?  They All slept under it…Jeff,  Ashley, the baby, Alyssia.  What is Caught in it and i realize that i need to do some work with this Catcher  that Tay made,  that i Want to.

the shirt on the chair….Fate's onesie with a monkey that got left behind

and two days.  Now it is going on six.   Things are not good but he is staying sober so he can watch out for the baby.  This is a question i asked myself,  and shared with Alyssia as i talk still constantly from California.  

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Morning….this clasp thing,  this catcher thing from Old Cowboy's

 

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going to Feed….passing the ROCKS…seeing how i need to learn this camera'

 

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truck with Grass Hay, covered by tarp last night because of maybe Rain,  but tarp blew sideways which was ok cause there wasn't rain

 

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unloaded and stacked.

 

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Beginning of Winter Camp,  2015

 

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first fire.

 

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13 responses to “Letting”

  1. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    Lovely to have all those details thanks to Patricia noticing and you adding the details. Wonderful details, especially what he shose to save from OC..and oh, I hope he holds on with his wanting to take care of himself for the baby. The story continues. Meanwhile, what comfort to see all that hay, and the start of Winter camp in your rich and simple homestead.

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  2. Nanette Avatar

    I never knew you had a big shed, what a great space. And I love your house.

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  3. Patriciaspangler47@gmail.com Avatar
    Patriciaspangler47@gmail.com

    Still blocked out of replying online. Let’s see if I can reply from my phone

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  4. Patriciaspangler47@gmail.com Avatar
    Patriciaspangler47@gmail.com

    Ok

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  5. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    So it begins, the wood coming in, first fire, mornings cold, the ritual of the cold time. I think of how Patricia sees deeply and how that seeing allows all of us to look closer and see a life lived fully. The words given here, the ones that speak of Jeffrey holding on because of the baby, are so very moving…

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  6. grace Avatar

    the noticing, yes, i had just been able to see “Room”…
    her noticing quieted me, letting me see what really was
    there.
    and yes, Jeff holding…a constant “prayer”

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  7. grace Avatar

    it’s time.
    am way behind with those last couple months of Old Cowboy.

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  8. grace Avatar

    the big shed…the thing i call the Albatros, it IS big
    it’s also where the doe Goats shelter at night, in the rain,
    OR in Snow.
    that nine bales of grass hay lasts pretty much a month, next
    to it the half ton bale of alfalfa…a month too. Amazing
    how much feed 17 Goats can consume and process….
    the pic of the house…i am trying to see if it is a true
    representation of the space….somehow it seems like it
    makes things Bigger? Will try to figure that out today…
    maybe because it holds more true to all detail…is interesting,
    very different than old camera

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  9. grace Avatar

    if he can….if he can.
    looking at things deeply and also understanding deeply, Alyssia
    and i talked yesterday how the mother is getting crazy, feeling like everyone is trying to take her baby away from her, making
    her feel crazy and there was a pause in the conversation when
    we both Saw that this IS true. All of us ARE trying to take
    the baby from her…we ARE. But not to KEEP, just to
    keep Safe
    until she can keep him Safe….
    and so it goes

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  10. beth Avatar

    I’ve been thinking a lot about the ease of the ordinary. And you certainly deserved a little ordinary after your journey with OCB. But then all we really have is the just going with what is in front of us. Sending love and compassion. I’m glad you and Alyssia have each other. And your openness… It continues to amaze me.

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  11. grace Avatar

    the bless~ed ordinary could come any minute. Maybe it has
    today?,
    i am glad we have eachother too. The Joys are even more
    Joyfull and the deep sorrows easier to bear.
    Openness…well, why not? It’s a journal here and my life
    is simply what it is. To not speak of parts of it would
    really be to not honor it. And we all have families that
    have hard sorrows or know someone who does…its all
    common to humanity. As i said to Julie threadingthedog.blogspot about her latest post,
    the telling of the hard things is a loving thing, each of us to the others…gives us a communal Strength and softens
    the sadness.
    Thank you for your love and compassion….

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  12. Nancy Avatar

    I really love Patricia’s noticing and wondering about the suitcase, especially in light of all the comings and goings recently. It seems quite symbolic in the aftermath of the room. As does the pair of gloves atop the table, in the silence of the room, now that all have traveled on. They tell such a story of how you live, doing all and any of the work that needs to be done. My heart goes out to all of you, each one of you. Tonight I think what a wacky system we have where he must stay strong for the baby, because he tested clean. I hope there are other avenues of help and support he can reach out to. Dear little Fate may he rest well in the love of some many trying hard to help him too.

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