the altar cloth that Jude Hill wove.. it's 3 1/2 X 4 inches. small. but big enough for a Goat's Eye Stone
so it's going to be a stormy day and there is work planned for this late afternoon or evening on the Buck Hut that Nogal has managed to almost demolish. There is so Much in my head, i need to get it down here and it feels like when we learned how to write a paper in middle school…making an outline.
Magnetizing. could be called transmigration of soul. I can't remember if i put this here before ever, but needs to be here now. Back in Michigan, my friend Nancy who i worked with would come over after work a lot and we would talk while i made dinner, then eat together. A LOT of talking. The conversations moved fast. On this particular evening at the dining room table, we are deep into some thing and kind of ignoring the kids. Jonathan is in his highchair pushed up to the table and Jenny is maybe just 3yrs in her booster seat. Nancy and i are talking and talking and then there is a pause. And in a strong voice, Jenny begins.
"I flew and i flew, momma. I flew and i flew through the dark to find you. I flew everywhere looking for you until i found you."
We stared at her. What? Nancy and i looked at each other….What? I looked at Jenny and said
What?
and she repeated herself.
i can remember that as clear as if it was yesterday. And it has been told many times since. Is a family heirloom moment. Sometimes over the years in our more crunchy times as mother and daughter, there would be nothing else for me to say but, well, you flew. And nothing more for her to say, but to look off into the distance.
And then there's the story that i Have put here, somewhere, about how when she was 16 and pregnant, and we were so unsure and she was in choir class at the alternative highschool and had gone on her lunch hour to the corner store and got a piece of Fleer Bubblegum, the kind with the fortune printed on the inside of the wrapper put it in her pocket and they were singing something that she loved and she had an urge to read the fortune and realized that what the urge was, was the baby moving for the first time. The fortune said:
you can have what you want if you really want to.
and she excused herself from class and went to the office to call home. I had been wanting her to abort. She said that she Knew. That she knew that she really wanted this baby. and the singing and the gum fortune sealed the deal. And there was that Felt Sense, in her and in me. And this is how Alyssia was "received".
So….how do i say it. There are threads between the three of us that vibrate. There have been times when we disengaged the threads to get space. But we have always put them back. And it seems that we have reached a certain point.
……………………………………………………ok….i will take a break here and go feed Goats….i need to think before i go on.
…………..ok, back.
We had a practice run at this some years ago, but it wasn't time. It seems now it's time. I am 70. Jenny is 45. Alyssia is 28. We are again, magnetizing things and receiving things, not so much in some deliberate way, but somehow just feeling like it's naturally occuring. What can we Create together? For ourselves and for the children that have since been born? What can we create in this time of humankind. What has that Felt Sense of Goodness. For us, for the Planet. We are three different women but we share the deepest core values by nature.
~.~
which leads here. When i began thinking about all this in earnest again, after the kids left, at first was the Huge Angst about Leaving this place. It hurt. This love runs deep. But i woke one night wondering if….What if i did go. What about the Toads and Lizards? That have come to the Water over the years and made their worlds. The worms. And i was given the thought: What if i were to install at least 2 sand point wells with solar pumps? One for each oasis, Front and Back? I asked Bill, Alz B's son and yes. i could. And yes. he would check them to keep everything in order. There was huge relief. Just that. But then, more. Travis has been doing things to get stuff ready for this winter…like fixing that window. New dog door is on the list. Buck Hut. He likes it here. a lot. So when he was here the other evening, i asked him. What would he think about living here if i did Go? And not only did he say he would like that, but that he would Love that. It would be a different place, he works on cars, so there would be cars in the Albatros instead of Goats, but he would run drip systems for the Plant People and he would honor the beings who live here. Of course, things can change. He's young. I think he's 31? But Maybe. Maybe it can happen. It's that Magnetic Field again. From the beginning with Alz B and then on through the days with the Old Cowboy and then all the ways he has been able to help me do things here in this last year. So…Maybe.
and we get now to the thing of that conversation with friend Sydney about EFT….how i loved those two words….
Even though………………………
how since, i love them more. They open out a whole vast space of possibility. They give the story that i have repeated over and over to myself…. space. The story about how i can never leave.
Even though my love for this Place is so Strong, it is possible that i can now love somePlace else, too.
What if?
windthread 
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