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how it is for me

days go into days and then go into days.  I think about things.  But no more., when, suddenly,  something happens.

 

DSCN5080f

went into town and got 4 more of these.  The books.  The books  are in them.  So when i unload them There,  they will be ok.  There are 7.

the Plan,  the original Plan is that there will be a communal building.  Which will house stuff that needs housing.  Will be a communal kitchen.    i am going on this original plan.  I have veered off sometimes to a storage shed behind my hut.  But really,  i think not.  I think there would be this communal place.   The books need to be kept dry and chew free.  So in these they are.  Maybe they will remain this way.  I'll know how to find any one of them…will label the container.  ie:  ones with Mary O,  Rilke.  Ones with Arundati  Roy,  ones with how to grow raspberries.  When i need something,  i'll know how to find it.  

OR maybe they will become some kind of Library.  I like this.  Like this a LOT.  a Library.

 

F

the Books of Knowledge.  From my life forever as i know it.  Lands and People.  NOT in a box.  they need to breathe because they are old

 

and all the cloth on those utility shelves in the bedroom is now in similar containers,  half this size.  There are 6 of them.  I need more.?  maybe?  Still all the cloth in the baskets.  How to do this?

What else is all the kitchen stuff.  How do i pack that?

The art stuff i think will be easy enough.

All the Outside Stuff…the tools,  the rakes,  shovels, wheel barrows,  and then all the sticks,  the rocks,  it's really hard for me to imagine how this might present when loading a Uhaul.

There is no date.  Like nothing on a calendar when it will HAPPEN,  but it will happen and i need to be ready.

there's all the baskets full of cloth that i don't know how to do and i need access to for this last Cloth that i'll work on

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so i am packing Stuff.  but also i am packing my Self.  Ok.

and about Agency,  which remains a Presence,  a strong and fierce presence….

i don't know which one of them said it,  in the last days there were so many,  but one said

"this is for Syria".

and i think.  re Agency

if you live in a place where there is nothing but war

Iraq,  Syria, Sudan

if you live in a world where the sociological psychological concept of Agency is non existent, is really inconceivable,

and then

There are countries  that give lip service to Agency and you might live in one but the reality of your life may not really include Agency, not really, not ever

what if you were born where there is blood in the streets?  always  blood in the streets?

I used to believe that as an American citizen i had voice.  That it was my inalienable  right,  my birthright and i am seeing now that this is no  longer true

 

 

 

 

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20 responses to “how it is for me”

  1. Wendy@ Late StartStudio Avatar
    Wendy@ Late StartStudio

    Moving . . . I don’t want to do it again. I do want to make sure that I only have what I need though so I am getting rid of excess. How many of some things do I need? Why do I like variety? Why am I keeping this reminder of a life I left behind and have no desire to return to? It’s not easy.
    We all have a voice but it depends on it being listened to and the listeners taking action. And your American voice, my New Aealand voice . . . I think more and more that borders don’t count for much, that we can be heard best when we raise our voices together. I think that’s when there will be enough volume to be heard. And maybe we will have to act ourselves. Oh . . . deep sigh.

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  2. grace Avatar
    grace

    oh, the deep sigh. it’s time for it, isn’t it. Time for it.
    we are in this all together. Us with our own worries about
    stuff, those who have blood in their streets
    we are all in it together. How do we do it?

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  3. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    Love is the answer, love for our beautiful planet and everything that lives here, from the smallest particle to the highest mountain top to the depths of the oceans, everything needs love and repair on our beautiful broken world, there is much work to do, the small minority who think they are running the world with greed will become redundant
    Imagine…
    what we imagine can be real
    change always comes from the edge not centre stage

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  4. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes, from the edge, i say
    no matter what you know, no matter what is said
    there is a slender thread of love that pulses
    if i could write a letter to the World, if i could, i would
    say
    Please
    please hesitate. Please. Please wait a moment. Please
    look for Something. Look in the blood streets. Maybe look at
    a child

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  5. joanne Avatar
    joanne

    I have been buying and packing containers like that since February. Packing, Writing labels, Stacking, Carrying up into the attic.
    I am having work done on my house–have had to empty the art and sewing room–had containers like yours but had to stop and think–how would I find the things I need–later.
    so had to be very thoughtful as things were packed. Paint with paint and if there was room-brushes and trays. Cloth. Sorted. Some left available so I could “make”
    during the work. Dust everywhere. Closets being emptied into the attic on long poles attached to the walls. Nothing much to Goodwill as I want to be “present” when
    deciding what I need and what can go. Too many decisions on the changes to the house. Do I want this or that. Here or there. Changes that will be permanent.
    Today-which way did I want the long rectangular tiles to face. Toward the front door or like the other floors-across the beams. Leading out or going across.
    A small, narrow path was left undone so we could walk to the bathroom and to our beds tonight. tomorrow that will be laid with tiles and we will walk on what was done today.
    That seems like a life lesson doesn’t it. To walk the path that was left undone. And then to walk on what was done before.
    For now-I will walk the path to my bed.

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  6. vicky aka stichr Avatar
    vicky aka stichr

    use the cloths for kitchen packing. between plates. cast iron…you might want to cover with plastic wrap and shove under car seats.

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  7. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    I M conscious of blood in the streets around the world, of the blood that was spilled stealing this land mass we call home, ofthe blood lost just building this city, and the blood being let still here and everywhere in the perpetual struggle for dominance over survival. I sigh with everyone and for everything. Then I think of the poem I spoke when I was in a stage version of T. Williams play “Night of the Iguana” a hundred years ago:
    How Calmly Does the Olive Branch (Nonno’s Poem)
    How calmly does the olive branch
    Observe the sky begin to blanch
    Without a cry, without a prayer
    With no betrayal of despair
    Some time while light obscures the tree
    The zenith of its life will be
    Gone past forever
    And from thence
    A second history will commence
    A chronicle no longer gold
    A bargaining with mist and mold
    And finally the broken stem
    The plummeting to earth, and then
    An intercourse not well designed
    For beings of a golden kind
    Whose native green must arch above
    The earth’s obscene corrupting love
    And still the ripe fruit and the branch
    Observe the sky begin to blanch
    Without a cry, without a prayer
    With no betrayal of despair
    Oh courage! Could you not as well
    Select a second place to dwell
    Not only in that golden tree
    But in the frightened heart of me?

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  8. Peggy McG Avatar
    Peggy McG

    Packing. It is an art. Consistant size boxes stack best in the transport vehicle. But free boxes from the grocery and retail stores are not always consistant. One basket of cloth to a box then share any space around the basket with other light weight non breakables. It will all work out in the end. What doesnt fit becomes gifts to Travis and thrift stores! Always load the most important things first🐐

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  9. Martine Bos Avatar
    Martine Bos

    Cannot say it better than Mo did, she speaks right out of my heart.
    No countries, no borders, only one world and love keeps it together……..or not!

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  10. Valerianna Avatar
    Valerianna

    This says in reply to Grace, but to let you know that it is a reply to you, too, Mo! I’m in a group that meets once a month or so, we call ourselves the “edgegroup” because we live so at the edges of society. Artists, healers, activists, most of us fall under the almost hermit description, too. We share our stories, do ritual, give each other healing sessions… our conversations are often about, HOW DO WE DO THIS? Mostly, living on the edge was hard before, now, living on the edge feels like straddling an abyss and rocking back and forth between the world I’m dreaming and living in and the world that is some other dream, some nightmare that I still need to engage with. From the edge, we see the nightmare, from the edge, we are more connected with the trees, earth, stones, rivers, creatures. From the edges, we see possibility that those in the middle can’t see, or maybe because they don’t want to give up the middle, or their toys, they won’t see.
    Grace, what you wrote here is something. I want to share this with the world, so beautiful in the real sense of beauty.

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  11. grace Avatar
    grace

    am thinking we, i, we, need to let our vision blur far into
    the perpiphery…those edges….the periphery. To see us all,
    even those who suicide/ kill…like the one who said…”this is for Syria”, to see the pain that was even in his heart. To imagine
    what life led to that moment for him, who was born an infant
    no more and no less than any other.
    Thank you for telling of your edgegroup. Just knowing of it eases me. Thank you…love,

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  12. grace Avatar
    grace

    i love this glimpse into your heart/mind as you go about this Change,
    the small, narrow path left undone…..to walk on what was done today tomorrow…i love the mind movie this gives me
    a Beautiful image you give here. Thank You

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  13. grace Avatar
    grace

    i’ll use the sheets and towels, that kind of stuff for
    dishes. Great idea about the cast iron…under the seat….
    the cloth for things like framed wall things, bells, stuff that hangs from the ceilings

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  14. grace Avatar
    grace

    eee………….

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  15. grace Avatar
    grace

    Always load the most important things first. I think, YES!
    but…oh and eee…everything that’s left here could be the
    most important. rocks. sticks. That huge roll of copper wire
    in the Albatross. The Sun Oven. almost forgot the Sun Oven.
    it’s going to be SOME DAY, the loading of that truck.
    and yes….Travis. the thrift shop, the flea market. He
    doesn’t mind stuff at all. This is a godsend.

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  16. grace Avatar
    grace

    this is what we give to One Another…the One World
    Here/There being same
    I am so grateful for having found this to be so Real

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  17. Valerianna Avatar
    Valerianna

    Glad to know that story had something in it for you, Grace!

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  18. Wendy@ Late StartStudio Avatar
    Wendy@ Late StartStudio

    You’re right Mo . . . that’s how we do it.

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  19. Saskia Avatar
    Saskia

    You do have a voice, as far as I can tell
    We all do and we can choose what we say and perhaps more importantly what we do
    Moving and parking….not my hobby;-)

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  20. Saskia Avatar
    Saskia

    But you will manage

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