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 Dee Mallon,  Pattern and Outrage  deemallon.wordpress.com.    ou thA post today entitled  The light it speaks.

"Even before we've tinkered with our clocks,  the light speaks of spring.  Soft and democratic,  it offers its glow wherever it falls, instilling a sense of hope."

…….soft and democratic, it offers its glow wherever it falls, instilling a sense of hope.

i could repeat that line many times here,  because i love it so much and it says so much of what i find so hard to say.

she asks:  Where does hope reside for you these days?  Is it something you have to work at?  If so, how do you do that?

What questions.  Direct and un adorned.   All day i have entertained these questions as Emrie and i spent the day.  Emrie,  the so totally NEW HUMAN BEING,  just here on this plane,  18 months.  Think of that.  Just here,  on planet Earth,  in human form for only one and a half years.  Think of it.

sit a little while, and think of it.  You were just recently born.  Showed up in a kind of funny as in odd family on a Hill in California.  Stuff goes on there.  But it's where you ARE and where you will begin to form yourSELF.  Where you will learn how to Live.  and then,  you spend days with an old woman,  who says she is your granma,  actually,  great granma,  who reads Dee's blog and wonders things.  Hangs out with you all day while you choose to play with these 5 things…the magnifying glass is plastic and from the Dollar Store.  The measuring spoon,  you bring back and forth,  like a Begging Bowl,  and she puts stuff in it.  small cubes of cheese,  chips of saltine crackers,  pieces of green pea snack crisps.  The stones are from the window sill next to where she sews and writes.  You are allowed to take them off that window sill and do things with them,  but have to put them back.  They are understood to be of importance by this requirement to put them back.

Hope.  

Hope.  I don't know.  I am not sure what to say.  I think it might help me to think about what it is i might Hope FOR.

This child will spend most of her life after i am gone.  Gone like dead.  I will be dead for most of Emrie's life.  

So this adds some weight to my thinking…Hope.  What do i hope for?   in terms of her…growing up,  graduating from school, being a viable and free female human being,  maybe having children,  living a life,  and if she's lucky, growing old.  Hope.  hope first is that there is a Planet that can Hold that living.  Beyond that…there's so much to hope for,  so much that is fragile in the moment,  so much that is close to overwhelming to think about,  so much i want to pass along to her,  so much i HOPE she will be willing to hear,  will Want to hear.  Everything, i guess is about Hope.  Hmmm.  Surprise, grace,  Everything seems to be about Hope……..

 

 

 


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more of the blade of grass

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23 responses to “thinking.”

  1. dee Avatar

    How closely tied to the lives of the next generations hope is. You’ve crystallized this for me tonight.

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  2. joanne Avatar
    joanne

    I have tried three times to write a fitting comment. I cannot. too emotional.

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  3. Mo Crow Avatar

    Love reading about your Hopes on The Hill

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  4. ² Avatar
    ²

    be i allowed to say …. be carefull with the magnifier and the sun , for fire
    litle Emrie

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  5. Anna Avatar

    But always remember that though eventually you might be gone from her sight every day, these days of now, will be a part of Emrie for ever. You are teaching her to BE with Love.

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  6. Laura R Avatar
    Laura R

    Oh, how I love your thought-writing. Your whole post is poetry.
    xo

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  7. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    I think about this a lot too.. this new great grandson I have. I wonder if he will remember me. How long I will be in his life? How his life will be. You have put into words that I think about wonder..
    Such a blessing to have these new little lives be part of our life.

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  8. Deb Avatar

    I’ve read, heard and experienced that children become an amalgam of the people who spend real time – real attention – with them in the first few years of their lives. An irrevocable connection, for better or worse. I think about this every time I am with Charlie.

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  9. Jackie Avatar
    Jackie

    Oh grace, I love how you observe life. Then you write it out so we can read. Truth simplified. No fluff.
    Love to you grace.

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  10. Vicky Davis Avatar

    I want to cry. The difference between your Emrie and my Griffyn, same age, about. And like Deb says, the adults in their lives make such an impact.
    There is much angst in Griff’s life. But there is wonder and light from her Aunt, who cares for her, so not all is lost with her. I still want to cry, though.

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  11. grace Forrest Avatar

    Vicky
    i think, reading your words, of Mary Oliver’s words…that
    there and hundreds (or some amount, i don’t remember exactly), of children (probably thousands, really, millions maybe)
    who experience “insufficient childhoods”.
    insufficient childhoods. She did. Mary Oliver.
    I did. me.
    but we go. Anyway.
    i’ll put Griffyn in my prayer basket and think of her each time i feel that great wave of such vulnerable LOVe for Emrie. Griffyn’s aunt, i put her in the basket too, you, i put there, those who are confused and insufficient, i put them also. All of us. In the prayer basket. Maybe if we all are in there together we can find a way

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  12. Hazel Avatar

    Grace, I read this beautiful post yesterday, thought about it much of today. It’s full of light. It brought to mind the very end of the movie “Shawshank Redemption” with Morgan Freeman’s deep rich voice saying all that he hopes for…and the joy and light that come in that last scene. Hope is what carried me through my “insufficient”…that there was another place & way to be. How you are with Emrie and your world will fill her.

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  13. grace Forrest Avatar

    that’s all it is for me…of Everything, All the Relations

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  14. grace Forrest Avatar

    emotions are cleansing

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  15. grace Forrest Avatar

    yes…and she will Carry On. That’s what its all about.

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  16. grace Forrest Avatar

    you are allowed ANYTHING…and yes…i once had an
    experience with that. I remember, always.

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  17. grace Forrest Avatar

    thank you Laura…thank you for reading

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  18. grace Forrest Avatar

    it’s interesting, to realize that finite time thing…

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  19. grace Forrest Avatar

    i love watching you and Charlie

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  20. grace Forrest Avatar

    Love back, Jackie…
    yes…keep it simple. simple is enough

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  21. grace Forrest Avatar

    i’ll have to go look at that scene..i don’t remember

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  22. Hazel Avatar

    What I remember, even more than the movie, is Janie describing the scene to me before I went to see it. She just glowed.

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