Everything. Everything right now revolves around, hinges upon sense. The sense of smell. The sense of taste.
because there is none.
it's day three. NO sense of smell NO sense of taste and the great gray blah bland emptiness of that. Why eat?
I realize fully how much a sensualist i am. How like a cardboard being i am with Out. It is interesting to look at this. See it for what it is. I'd known it, but not so clearly as now, i guess because i have time. Time with no taste, no smell.
On the window shelf altar behind where i sit here are two boxes of incense. Dhoop Cones that Lace Lady sent quite long ago. Satta Sai Baba Nag Champa, SattaSai Baba Sandalwood. Emrie loves them. They are called the "Smellers". Every time she's here, she at some point, points to them, her eyebrows going up? Uh, she says…meaning, yes? and i say the smellers? she nods and i say ok and she picks up the boxes, puts them to her nose. Inhales. Puts them to my nose, watches me inhale. We smell together. Smell. the first, most basic of the 5 senses. the most primitive and critical. I think of Dana's new baby. How when we first hold them, our faces bend into them, taking in their scent. Breathing them in.
for 3 days i've been hungry pretty much all the time. I've eaten toast. Two bowls of ramen noodles. Twice a scrambled egg. For all it's worth i could have been eating shredded cardboard. No taste. No smell. At the grocery yesterday, i got chicken wings because of faith and hope. Carrots. ginger root, cilantro and celery. and then onions and garlic. That much so far in the pot and i don't know from here..i have cabbage, broccoli and collard leaves, parsley, from the wall garden…????? Why not? But i don't know because I CANNOT SMELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT SMELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
so i think about it all, how much i love food. it's all simple food here, cooked on the stove or raw, but how important it is to me to Eat food that i crave. Worth thinking about.
I have a Son who is a chef. I love cooking with him. and i love that he smiles, when we cook together, because he will say what does it need and i lean over and smell and take a guess. How he nods. Yes. That is the way to know. Lean over and smell.
windthread 
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