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Time of Looks Within. Everything led to Here

20191202_141832

This

 


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This


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This.    These.   These are what i would grieve.  If they could not continue.   These are where my Love is.   

29 or so years ago,  i drove in that 1975 old Ford Econoline van,  drove,  back across this America,  from Oregon/Arizona back to Michigan  because my daughter had blithely created yet one more child and said…come.  I need you.  Help me.  I drove and saw the most amazing sunset EVER and drove more,  fearing,  because i had so little gas,  to a gas pump in nowhere and went in to pay.  Rosebud Reservation.  South Dakota.  There was silence there.  I used the bathroom.  Came back to the counter.  Silence.  I paid for the gas and the man said….what are you Doing?  i said,  going back.   He said…Time of Looks Within.  

I left and drove,  i know it was this time of year because everywhere i went,  deer were running.  Hunting season.

Time of Looks Within.

I have changed.   in this third Rain Season.  I have changed.  it's True.  Real.   

I arrived on December 11th.  A first Rain Season.  I was shocked and unable to understand anything.   Months passed and last year,  after that first long Fire Season i knew more.   

But this time….oh,   this time.   This Time i am sometimes delirious with the THING OF IT ALL here….today…the SMELL of it,  i could say scent, fragrance,  but it is SMELL.  SMELL of Rain soaking down,  IN,  SEEPING,  Seeping down IN  deep deep

DEEP

It kept raining.  Non stop.   and  instead of having feelings about that,  i found self peacefull,  wondering.   HOW do i do this?

and i remembered back and thought to imagine.  To Visualize mySelf and i did.   I couldn't go back there to that place at the B Garden.  It was pouring.,,,,so i Visualized what it might be,  if i could.   I saw myself walking up and over there…followed Self as witness and saw mySelf kneeling there.   From my pocket i took small pieces of paper.  a pen.  I wrote things on the paper,  i wrote my griefs and each i set into that bowl.    Rain would soak them.   And i saw that in time,  when it was Enough,  i would carry the bowl of griefs and pour them into the compost.  Give them to this Earth to eat.

 


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how this Hill rolls down to the creek/canal   which is beginning to GREEN.   Winter.  and it is beginning to GREEN.

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18 responses to “Time of Looks Within. Everything led to Here”

  1. Acey Avatar
    Acey

    The long fire season took you deeper into your written offerings here as well. i don’t mean the obvious experience of living in the campground so much as something just shifting in the tone of your words. It’s like you shifted automatically into a deeper way of expressing yourself. Little tics and mannerisms set aside and then, i realized, outright abandoned.
    Somewhere in this same time frame the feeling-tone and sharpened clarity of what came out of you, word-wise, changed as well. At least for me. I started sitting up and paying attention – literally sitting up straight and leaning forward to PAY ATTENTION because there you were telling it straight and true so powerfully. Feels important to locate the point because i want it for the telling of my own story (the Cali re-awakening so pivotal to everything else i myself would be moved to tell from there on into the now) but i feel there’s also a kind of group timeline as we all experience YOUR experience.
    this awareness is strongly highlighting an observation that many of us driven to communicate with words just switched ON right around that same time. I mean up and all through the levels of people who have their living with words for most of their lives, yes, but more significantly also moving all the way through within more ordinary levels of communicative experience and aspiration.
    It happened. I felt it so strongly at the time. And wondered how to learn more. Now it seems clear I should go and ask a beech tree.
    okay.
    love seeing the canal creek. The Cali trees you know but didn’t before you arrived.

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  2. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    I saw and listened to the man who wrote the book you just read. On PBS tonight. His book was the one for this month.and neighbor I never see cake to thank me for giving her dog the little flashing dog collar light after Riley’ was gone. We stood in the cold and cried. It was good as his death brought the street together some how and it’s good. Sleep well listening to the rain. I remember listening to the trains when I was first married. A good night sound

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  3. Debra A. Price Agrums Sposa Avatar
    Debra A. Price Agrums Sposa

    Such lovely pictures Grace, thank you for sharing! xoxox

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  4. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Thanks Joanne for mentioning Richard Powers. I thought those who come here might light to see the transcript of the interview that was on PBS last night:
    https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/the-overstory-author-richard-powers-answers-your-questions

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  5. Liz A Avatar
    Liz A

    Thank you for the link Marti … I just finished re-reading the Overstory and have no doubt I will be reading it again … one of my own questions was answered by reading the interview transcript: that the “facts” presented in the book are verifiable

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  6. Liz A Avatar
    Liz A

    how the earth, blessed with rain, re-creates itself over and over

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  7. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    loved reading this transcript & how Richards Powers’ research for his book moved him so much that he physically moved from the Silicon Valley to the Smokey Mountains to be with the old growth forest!

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  8. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    the smell of rain !

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  9. Acey Avatar
    Acey

    “I wanted to tell a story that brought people and non-humans back together into the same negotiating space.”
    Thanks so much for posting this link, Marti. The line above really struck me as a beautiful writerly challenge to set and achieve. But also I was struck by how powerfully the same message reverberates when “tell a story” is replaced by “live a life”.
    here we are back at living deliberately again. Can never tell if Thoreau would be at least partially mollified by his longevity or utterly appalled by it – juxtaposed as it is by the empty truth of how much more humanity has squandered his time.

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  10. joanne Avatar
    joanne

    Listening to the rain- not the trains- but we had both.

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  11. Beth Avatar
    Beth

    Thanks for the link Joanne and Marti. I’m a few chapters in and considering that word visceral that Powers used in the interview.
    Grace, your post has me thinking of the word thirst. The waiting and the slaking of that. I didn’t know much of the NM desert until you showed me. (The enchantment of spadefoot toads!) I don’t know much of the dry summer, threat of fire, season of rain and you are showing me. This is important connection work. Thank you. Love.

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  12. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    this Place has shifted me, Acted upon me
    soon i can show that small seasonal creek that
    runs like a white water river

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  13. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    THANK YOU for bringing that to us!
    and yes…your whole community there feels the
    emptiness of Riley. I can feel that.

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  14. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    YES!

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  15. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    maybe similar to your cabin Place i think

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  16. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    and it’s Science

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  17. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    yes..i think that any and all we can learn and know about
    our own Places is critical to share during this time

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  18. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    i think of your pond, the spring peepers, which
    here are Winter Peepers. They will begin soon.

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