20200314_210149

something…maybe a sound?,  maybe nothing,  but something woke me in the DarkRainNight,  i clicked on 3 flashlights when one would have been enough,  but i clicked on 3…….    Went to sit at the table after turning on the heat.  Put my socks on,  boots,  located the sweatshirt,  made sure i knew where the gloves were,  the Fat Max big spotlight flash.  Sat down to listen.  Like an animal.   Very Still.   Breathing light and high in the chest.    Nothing more and so for a while i just looked at the Altar that is shared with a 2  1/2 year old person.   Thought about that.  Sharing an Altar with a two and one half year old person.   The Luck of it.    and how she innately understands about Altar,  about  things we keep there.   She has her toy basket and all that,  that gets spread all over and sometimes not put back…left when it's time to go home.   She has her pencils and papers stuff on the table that gets moved around sometimes falls on the floor.   But ….her stuff on her side of the Altar,   stuff she likes of mine on my side,  stuff on my side that she does not touch and does not wish to.   The stuff on the Altar….things with deep personal meaning and connection…representational and also alive in and of themSelves.   She understands the difference and works with that difference in her own 2 and 1/2 year old  mind/heart.   I think about this.   All the while,  listening, still……listening to the Dark,  the Wet Dark.

 


20200315_135828

can you see her?   Down in the bottom left,  just above the pin?   Reaching UP?   Barely there?

 


20200315_161926

Day 2 of all day Rain.   I spend time reading words my phone provides.  I  touch cloth.   I  continue to listen and watch out the window,  Goats,  i watch Caroline closely.   I make very slight marks on the Cloth with a #2 pencil.  Feed self.  Read more.  Write a letter of response to my friend in Magdalena New Mexico inside this craft paper card and then close it.   Begin to draw on the face of it.   That Eye,   a Plant.   Late in the afternoon  the Governor of California issues a call for all persons over 65 in the state of  California to Stay Home.   But what feels the most Intense is that all public schools in NYC are now Closed.  Indefinitely.  

 

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10 responses to “uneasy…edgy…..ears pricked”

  1. Deb G Avatar

    Love that you share an alter. 2 Year olds are good collectors. All K-12 in the state of Washington closed for 6 weeks, minimum. The university and community college/tech school here too. It’s very surreal and I have a hard time staying settled with anything. I’m trying hard to limit my news intake. Take care all…

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  2. Jan Rowan Avatar
    Jan Rowan

    I, too, love that you share your altar…..I find some interesting things on mine at times….and treasure what I find that comes from one of the kids…..I see some of my kids through the window but am at home by myself….they still have to be out in the world so are staying away from me….one is working with the county at the Disaster Operations Center so has been trying to keep me safe….I have been making prayer flags during this time…they seem to help my spirits and I hope spread some good energy….❤️

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  3. maria Avatar
    maria

    Here the same , we have to stay at home ,school’s and a lot of shop’s are cloced for 6 weeks . thank you corona for wath you become , low aeroplanes and trafic , we are on our selfs if we will , we had the change to think about this ,

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  4. jaime Avatar
    jaime

    I have no kids but do have three feral cats who have accepted living with me if I don’t touch them. They left me what is special to them on my alter. A cowhide stuffed rat that they love to kick and throw.
    Reality waxes and wanes throughout the day. Food pickups for the kids out of school. The senior center closed indefinitely. The thought of becoming ill and dying. Everytime I see cheeto head on tv I worry what he might do or say to worsen everything. So then I STOP and do something that gives me pleasure. I think about baby goats and goats milk. I look at pictures of spring wild flowers around here. I read. For some reason I cannot create. There is nothing in me that needs to be said.
    May we find ways to get through this with mercy and grace. Love.

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  5. Peggy McG Avatar
    Peggy McG

    A dark wet night harbors thoughts and sounds of uncertainty.. but our homes offer the familiarity of love and comfort. My Canadian friend is scurrying home across the boarder to ensure if he gets sick he will be in his own country where his health insurance is available. So my plans to travel leisurely up the California coast are put on hold as this pandemic slows peoples movements. Take care everyone and be safe in mind and body.

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  6. Michelle Slater Avatar

    To be with the ongoing unknown and not to forget the facts is a form of isolation and a fact of life currently visceral and absolute.

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  7. Michelle Slater Avatar

    To be with the ongoing unknown and not to forget the facts is a form of isolation and a fact of life currently visceral and absolute.

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  8. jude Avatar

    that’a what i feel like, barely there.

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  9. Liz A Avatar

    I am so glad you are with your generations of love … that Emrie is a part of your life … that you are a part of hers
    Each day now I watch for each Kindred Spirit to show up … “Like an animal. Very Still. Breathing light and high in the chest.”

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  10. Acey Avatar

    It is strange here. The hunkering I had assumed would be just more of same usual new england hunkering-as-lifestyle is comPLETEly different. Today I ordered myself potting soil from gardener’s supply warehouse. The very idea would have been preposterous even a month ago but when I thought of it last night and then got the order made today I wept with relief both times. Short bouts of this now and then nearly always in gratitude but sometimes from the spookiness of it all.
    My garden is alive and I am grateful for its guidance and guardrails.

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