windthread

i try to avoid drama.   here.   not talk about what might be.   Stick to what is.   

this morning,   Future Primitive podcast…interview with Stephen Jenkinson,  podcast Apr. 10.    TRY to listen.   It somehow pairs perfectly with the preceding podcast with John Todd on rethinking Everything.   Very different,  but perfectly paired for me.

i first "spent time" with Stephen Jenkinson during the Alz Betty,  Old Cowboy days.   Had his books.   that got left behind to the Socorro Public Library.   Die Wise.   his world,   Orphan Wisdom School.   there was something "old" in me that made him uhhhh,  uneasy to me.   Maybe it was the Theater.   But listening to the podcast this morning…that got set to rest.  it IS Theater,  and needs to be Theater.   We NEED Theater,  we NEED it.   so if you can,  go to Utube and type in Nights of Grief and Mystery Rough Gods World Tour 2020.   and if you can go further,  listen to the podcast.   

Scraps of cloth navigate themselves to the basket to my left somehow and the two above were waiting.

i picked them up,  listening to Joanna and him….stitched them together.  They are about Death.   How death is the giver.  There is something going on with all THIS,  THIS VIRUS,  an organic being,   that i can't quite see.   That i trust somehow in all it's fierceness,  its being the great equalizer.   There is a veil.  a veil and i can only see movement behind it….i want to see more.  Need to go there…behind it.

Drama here was Jack Flash.   Down at the Wall Garden yesterday was a SCREAM.   Walking up the road,  again,  twice,  that SCREAM.   Jack had gotten his right front hoof tangled in the deer fencing on the Chicken Palace side of his own cattle panel fence.   WHY????? didn't matter…he was trapped,  his leg askew.   I ran to get the cutters that are always at the ready on the Hay House for cutting cattle panel when Sunny Ray gets his head stuck.   I got there with them and he was so afraid and Sunny Ray hoped i was there to bring some kind of treat and pushed his way between the fence and Jack wrenching Jack's leg and i couldn't get the cutters positioned because of Sunny Ray's pushing and there was a final terrible scream and Jack ripped his leg out and stumbled off

He was putting weight on it at evening feed.  Miraculously.   But this morning, he was in the Calf Hutch…looking out.  I gave the hay and he didn't come,  didn't stand.  Didn't move.  Just looked.   The day went on.  I did not go back.  There was nothing i could do if things had gone Wrong.  Jenny comes tomorrow morning.   The two of us.   

but coming up late day from the evening feed down there,  not knowing what to expect,  after a day of imagining,  there he was.  Standing and moving and coming for the evening hay.

i look at myself.   that thing of uhhhhh,  needing everything to be ok.   How that really isn't real.     ………………..what comes next?,  what words….i don't know.   so,  i will stop.    

if you can….go listen to the podcast.