woke this morning to go read what i wrote last night. I was not clear. I was not clear because i was still trying to say things without actually saying them. That's not going to work. The urge to just let things go…as in stop showing up here, taking a break or actually quitting blogging remained. I read again what i wrote. what i meant was: to not be honest with what i write here would be the betrayal. that lack of honesty would betray this Hill, Emrie, Jenny, Alyssia, the Forest that holds us. Would betray my own sense of what i am, who i choose to be. If i continue here, i need to drop any filter. i need to just say what appears to me in this time to be true. If these pictures and words remain floating in a cyberspace when Emrie is a young woman, if there IS a way to access them, i want her to know who i was, what i saw during this time of the Planet. This time of this Earth. this is what i will not betray. So i am asking myself, would it be better to just become quiet in the World. Just let the living of the day be the day. have no need to be witness with words that are clumsy. To be constantly clear would take more time, thought, effort than i have. so…i don't know.
So it's Cloth again. Thinking these things, i saw these two scraps from yesterday. I thought…make something pretty, grace. It wasn't much Light yet but i invisibly basted them together.
i love how Cloth talks to me. I let them talk this way.
then i covered up the Land of the Rough Gods with the pretty thing. Felt how that felt. They can be NEXT to eachother, both are Real to me, but Next to. I made another cup of tea and read the News, the Google News. I went to NPR Morning Edition to get that different energy that's always there and it's Friday, Story Corps. Today it is two mailcarriers interviewing each other. I had to just sit after that….looking at these Cloths, moving that pretty one back on, then off and next to. I remembered how on Google News they told us that there has been a 79% dive in Clothing Sales, a record plunge. Read how the stimulus checks from Donald are not being used to stimulate, rather people are saving that money or using it to pay down debt. How things are being viewed through the lense of Economy. Economy for WHO? Do you remember that old concept of the Haves and the Have Nots? how we used to talk about it that way?…to make it palatable i guess? and well, here i am again. Still in the same place as yesterday. What to do.
so i fed Every One and walked down to the B Garden…see how it's going for the Hydrangea. While i was sitting next to Her, i thought about how just before all this shit hit the fan, we had been talking a lot about how the Forest works. How trees care for Each Other, sharing, healing. How it's the Example of Community. The brilliance of All for one, one for ALL. I'm having a hard time with things, the beaches and nail salons, the need to Open. The need for things to go back to how they were. Those people gathering in bars to celebrate their freedom. This is the time i live in. How do i do that with honor? I don't want this blog to be a bummer for people, make things worse for them. But i cannot seem to find the middle ground between that and what feels to me to be …….uhhhhhhh, what?……feels to me to be uhhhhhh….don't know a word. So i guess i'll think some more. Come back, read this later. Maybe try again.
windthread 
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