can you see Her? waiting…very still…upsidedown.
the day was a blink of the eye. As was today. it's nearing dusk. I wish i believed in god.
recent posts
about
Posted in Uncategorized
24 responses to “yesterday”
-
You do … just by another name.
LikeLike
-
Me, too. I’d like to have saints to pray to. I remember when I was 9 or 10, I checked a book out from the summer bookmobile a book about St. Francis of Assisi. I loved that story. When I was 16, I visited Assisi with my parents.
I wished I’d asked questions. My dad was Methodist, my mom not so much. But, back then children were to be seen, not heard. I could use a saint or two, but, alas… I think it’s just the times.LikeLike
-
Never baptized or sent to church. Whatever God I have- is what I feel inside myself.
LikeLike
-
what a beautiful young squash!
LikeLike
-
think i am creating mental complexity for myself but I wonder why you wish that? A wish to believe something that is NOT believed. This might seem odd or merely contrarian but I am actively struggling with the concept. I know I’ve heard people say this throughout my life but you saying it here on the screen and me revisiting it three times now is the first time I saw it as a Chinese puzzle of an assertion.
trying to think what I myself might wish to believe to see I can get a grasp but so far I either believe or don’t believe whatever. There’s nothing I’m finding where I wish I actually believed my belief’s flipside.
can you help me understand ????LikeLike
-
A convenient exit from reality, but at what cost?
LikeLike
-
i have a very tender and feelingly exposed underbelly
right now. it’s hard to find a way to make sense,
actually am not interested in making sense in any
outward terms…and cost…there’s no cost involved.
either way. stuff’s free and illusionaryLikeLike
-
they were difficult days, that Dry Lightning Thunder,
rolling rolling rolling like Transition during Birthing
andthe Mustard Yellow world with smoke and ash
and Jenny and i working mostly in silence because words
that might be said were not good words to say aloud
and didn’t need to be. I could feel her close to tears.
and this is just the BEGINNING of Fire Season.
and i’d used that word WILL the day before, it coming
from somewhere and when i think of the word Will, it’s
uses, always comes up the Will of God…as in…if its Gods Will….
You remember i was brought up in a Conservative Baptist
Church, of the Southern Baptist Convention. From my
days of being identified as Heathen in sunday school until i needed to leave home at 17 to escape the insistence
The guilt i was force fed even at a distance.
So…at rare times now, i have to realize that weakness
can still take me there, where it is just my faultiness
that prevents joy, my refusal. and prevents joy for
others on top of it all.
I sat there…thinking that i didn’t want to put those
words there…but then putting them there won out because
this IS a journal and it was. I wish i could. It would
make things simple, right? I could just say….it’s
god’s will and go off singing some hymn.
but i couldn’t when i was 4 years old, or ever,…believe.
I don’t “believe” much of anything. Just plants. Animals. Firmament. and what Love feels like as opposed to other things.LikeLike
-
it’s an Armenian Cucumber!!!!, you know, the foot long
slender ones? It was not confined or against anything
just free…and somehow Chose this form….i LOVE thisLikeLike
-
you are lucky.
LikeLike
-
…the god Thing….
LikeLike
-
a saint or two, yes.
LikeLike
-
But it’s not free. I feel like religion prevents us from successfully solving problems, and that would be preventing us from evolving. And that’s a big cost.
But I get it. I grew up believing.LikeLike
-
One of the things I am finding so frustrating right now when conversations veer to this, and I do not say this to offend anyone, just that I can’t go there because I wasn’t raised with religion; is the idea that all this will be okay because of God…whether it be God’s will or Heaven is the destination anyway and we will all die at some point. It’s not a reasoning that I can wrap my mind around. I can understand the comfort that some find in this though. There is so much right now, so much….
LikeLike
-
and then
there is the concept of god as
Creator
in native traditionsLikeLike
-
I’m glad you explained. And am sorry if my plea to have it make sense in my own brain increased your sense of underbelly/ tenderness. What you say here makes so much sense to me. I have been all over the place with belief/non-belief and also know many people who left home early specifically to liberate themselves from religion based family tyranny.
I don’t have much difficulty believing (or not believing) things but do I struggle continuously with whether it matters one way or the other what I believe. How much do my beliefs legitimately need to be fed. should they be fed if they cannot be self-sustaining. etc.LikeLike
-
Also feel the need to add that I have a few relatives up the road in NH that I have not spoken to in years because they are the pray the gay away type of religious and T has been activist level out as bi-sexual since 15. I don’t want them anywhere near my kid even though he’s now a grown man. Ever.
LikeLike
-
even more to the point – gaia as living goddess …
LikeLike
-
I love the idea of a big bang and that we all carry star dust. We are a part, not separate…. I think we carry responsibility because of that. We also have the right to be tired and rest, to need a hug or lean on someone. I have been exhausted so much recently. That’s what is so hard about COVID and where it might takes us, don’t touch/don’t be too close. Many of us have said we are so thankful for not having the smoke here this year (yet?), the last few years have been bad.
LikeLike
-
On the flipside just a bit I have grown to love a return to what I call eye language. People I know -at least some if them – are communicating more collective soul aka stardust by reaching into each others gazes. Think it’s an indication of peoples’ potential ability to let intimacy itself evolve and take forms that might otherwise read as outdated rather than timely and pivotal.
In a mask we’re all eyes. And thus inherently more inclined to re-vision.LikeLike
-
that is what we have to do , RE vision !
thank you all for your wordsLikeLike
-
Post reads like poetry and even tho not funny it made me laugh out loud. Thread fascinating. I would say more than wishing I believed in God, I wish I truly and well did not fear death. Belief in God gives some people that. Please stay safe. The world being on fire can’t exactly help with your outlook. I understand not wanting to verbalize updates here about the fires. We can find them elsewhere.
LikeLike
-
again and again
LikeLike
-
i don’t think i do…fear death…but you can’t know
for sure until it’s timeLikeLike
windthread 
Leave a comment