it was a uhhhhh, different
kind of day. Soft. Misty. a soft Sun breaking through and staying, but softly staying. i felt like i should work at B Garden, at least some, but i never went, instead i looked at things, thought about things, thought about my family that now, after T's Memorial at the edge of the Ocean begins to feel their ways toward the Next. How her absence is so active and taking everything that everyone has to learn how to live with it. Jeff, his all encompassing lostness, Jenny, his mother and his children's grandmother, giving huge chunks of her life to help. Alyssia, his sister, the children's Aunt, who has opened her home, her own life. Julian 12 who makes his way through all of it and all of them. and me, loving them. Watching them grope to find their ways.
so, that. But also more. I stitched down Crow. Now secure and sure amidst all the rest. the beak needing something but i was unable to see exactly what…so wait. the importance of a crow's beak.
when i'd pinned those Cloths, there was one more, the one that they were rolled in and today i knew why. It had these. Stitched renditions of the mark, the symbol that appeared on all the fiber figures i made, on all those hand torn story papers that accompanied them, the guardian angels, wish angels, that stood for what i referred to in all my making then of….Essential Beings. That's what i called us.
so i sat with these two. What does this image Mean? Essential…..Essence. the Essence of being. the truest, most indispensable quality . Seen only by sensing. The SomeThing that surrounds everything, animates Everything in a certain way Holds EveryThing….a Thing its self, but not known but only as it animates Other??????
so….an Energy? yes. I think so. I look at them, how Deb's Thread brings them to life. and i look at the ground cloth of the Reference Cloth how it is stark white. Why? Often i wish i'd chose differently, but at the time i had no idea what was going to happen. But now….though it is hard, it's right too.
and as i sat at the end of the day, wandering through all of this….a scent wafted up from …..me. my body. in the same shirt and sweatshirt and oversweatshirt that i have lived in for days….maybe that's off putting, but it's how i am. Sometimes i wear the same thing for days. No reason not to. alone on a Hill. Where everythingwearsitselfeveryday…… and it was just incredibly wonderful, was the scent of Horses! ….i smell like a horse! and i went back, to when i lived in Madrid New Mexico in a tiny cabin that was part of my pay for working at Tapestry Gallery where i sold my work and worked for Barbara packing and shipping. How also, part of my work too, was to ride with her. She had horses. Needed someone to ride with her. We saddled them and took off down the Galisteo . They were arabian. Spirited. Just ride she said. I did and was the gate person, the one to get down and open and close gates as we road through. At that time, i'd not ridden since i had my own horse at 19. Often i was afraid. but i rode. and as she said at the end of our time together, being a woman of few words, …..you never fell off. And today, that scent, how could it be ME?, but it was, that scent of heat from soft horse lips, flared nostrils, breathing, its softness, it's softness, the heat, the muscle of BODY of a horse…the Essence of horseness, was me. What to think?
windthread 
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