windthread

looking in the storage tubs at B,   this time for the black Czech beads.   There was  the spool of Fine copper wire.  My grandfather's.   And this faded image.   Nisargadatta Maharaj.   on the inside of a backing  for what was actually in the frame for years.    An Indian guru of nondualism,  belonging to the Inchagiri Sampradaya ,  a lineage of teachers from the Navnath Sampradaya and Lingayat Shaivism.   How i have wandered.  often mindlessly.

There was a woman,  a psychic.   Cathy Florida who lived just outside of Ann Arbor.    I had gone to her a couple times for a reading.    You arrived at her home and following phone  instructions ,   let yourself in,  to her screened in front porch.   CARE full y.  There were MANY parakeets,  loose,   in and out of their birdcages,  maybe 20?   Maybe 30?   a lot….just flitting about among a room FULL of Elephants.   All kinds of Elephants ,  large small,  ceramic,  painted,  carved.   And you waited there until she was ready for you and would come to bring you in.   She would take a small clipping of your hair and place it in her bible then ask you to bow your head while she prayed.   You then told her why you had come.   There was some silence and then she just told you things.  I think back.   Those things are as useful today as they were then.   30 something years.   Truth is truth.   She taught meditation classes and i took those.  Her Guru,  here.   Nisargadatta Maharaj   His book,  one of them,   Alyssia and i call the Blue Book.    I AM THAT.    She gave us the mantra.   So Ham.    So with the in breath,  Ham with the out.   

I  Am

all these years,  all the iterations,   even through all the Buddhist Teachings,    So Ham.    Breathe.   So Ham.    When i am afraid.  So Ham.   When i am needing to move fast,  like for evacuation,   So Ham.   When Alyssia was laboring with Julian's birth,  So Ham.  Plane Flights,  So Ham.   Animals being born,  Animals dying.  So Ham.    Has never failed me.   I quiet.   i breathe.   and even tho i still don't "know" the I Am,   i quiet and rest in the I AM.   Every day,  on waking and sleeping.   So Ham.   

i found the copper butterfly…with beads….on the floor in the bathroom.  Washed it.   Now What?   Back to the Grass Person?,  or did she have other intentions?