windthread

this was stitched on first.   Because it references my beginnings…. with 

"I feel very strongly that there's an intelligence in the universe that wants to communicate with us and I think that it tries to find us in however we are most…that we can most find it"….Elizabeth Gilbert

references my beginnings as a child.  Toads.  Frogs.   

this cloth is from a bolt end i found at the Socorro NM walmart.   cotton from china.   i instantly saw it as toad eggs.

they are not this color,  of course,  but their forms are this so very specific and striking and what they ARE is also so very specific and striking.   

the eggs of the Spadefoot toad,  Couch's spadefoot of my other Place there in Polvadera New Mex    Where  monsoon season would bring the intense and excellent urge  to breed,  replenish the tribe.   They live under ground throughout the rest of the year.   If it's a "good" rain,  they RISE up and out and gather in ephemeral pools and "emit a short explosive bleating sound like a sheep or goat,  the primary purpose to attract mates"     Scientific American Tetrapod Zoology.org   and i love they said  "primary" and did not go further…but primary,  yes,  to breed.   But i'm thinking also as an exclamation of JOY to be above ground,  to feel the rainfall,  to feel the reverberation of Thunder in their bones,  the flash of electrical storms in their eyes.  All around me there,  this bleating call of Joy,  many,  20 40 50 maybe more,  all night,  non stop.

they can go years without reproducing but once adequate conditions are met,  they DO and it can take as little as one day for an egg to hatch and two weeks to fully complete its metamorphosis.  

the first time i saw them in the roadside puddles….dis belief…they're large eggs and then almost by magic become tadpoles of an iridescent copper on  deep green/earth brown with spotted dark patterns of design…so so Beauty Full   only once i was able to hold one in the palm of my hand…FEEEEEEL it's softness,  it's brilliant Creation of a self,  with those elegant back legs

almost always,  the pools didn't last long enough…not even 2 weeks.   Many years,  the toads didn't even rise.  But i did see and hear it happen…  and it remains for me ,  in me,  forever.   and as an anecdote,  they can travel at speeds up to 10 mph.   ? why?

TO CLARIFY….the on my own thing.   I was referring only to certain things,  like getting the plant seedlings,  now,  as opposed to maybe in a while?  or maybe even,  not?    Many things are being required now by all of Us here of this Hill.   and i can no longer, ummmm,  not take primary responsibility if i CAN…if i CAN being the key….and most certainly,  learning how to use the phone direction Lady is something that i don't WANT to do,  but i CAN do and i DID do.  And so.   Like that.  

for a lot of time,  i was on my own.  Since i've been here,  i've gotten  "spoiled".   Just say it and it appears.  Right now that's hard…there's too much.  So….i need to take up the On My Own as much as i am able,  to do my share.