reaching some point this morning. i sat with the Carnelian.
i had told self yesterday that today for sure, i would begin a new Cloth. I would commit to at least looking through the 13 XLARGE bags for a scrap to Begin. At least. After all, this blog is about cloth making, right? and Journaling the life wherein cloth making occurs. Cloth making being the center. Should.
but it's not there right now. right now i am simply totally content staring across the vast expanse of the maybe 10 feet of this place i live to that vertical panel with the Temple of Sun and Sky, the Intelligence of the Universe, the triangle moon. I have no true urge to make.
so i reached the point of asking self why that might be? i am not sure how much of this is really what it is, but it's what i have and what it is
is that there is just so much that is weighing HEAVY …..this world that Humanity is hell bent on creating…and yes….there are many beautiful things but right now the balance feels so OFF. I feel like i need to just stand. and look at the heaviness and not feel any need to move to the SunnySide. Just feel it. Allow it. Not turn away. and if i can, write about that. On this Cloth blog. or this whatever it is place, the only option is to just quit entirely for however long, it's tempting, but also, i don't think it's the answer.
so i look. i read about 2 teenage girls leaving Ukraine, where their mother will stay, traveling alone, how they know the danger of that, but they go. i was brought to tears by serendipitously circling back to a long standing love of Homeboy Industries and then the UTube Richard Cabral Lo Maximo 2013 His brilliance and beauty and how this country of America would have WASTED him, can and does WASTE lives of such VALUE, and then so much about the experience of women now of child bearing age facing what they face. Remembering the two abortions of my own, one at 19 in an abandoned house in Detroit and another at 30 something…Planned Parenthood. And thinking again about Emrie's beginning, where there was CHOICE.
and i don't want to turn away from these things because i feel i need to put interesting and pretty things here.
i began to listen to today's episode of On Being. Sylvia Boorstein. Got as far as her talking about her childhood lamenting of unhappiness….her Grandmother's teaching…."Where is it written that you're supposed to be happy all the time?"
and i was getting dog food and Talkie's meal worms and wondering what i could do and
it said
draw something and that thought was relief. released something. the drawing doesn't need to be anything. Just marks on paper. and i exhaled.
windthread 
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