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dog is god spelled backwards. or vice versa. and what is the difference? there IS one…..

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the rope broke on this one of the hammock swings,  the one that is "Emrie's"   her preferred  and the other one,   Brinley's preferred….it broke mid swing and she crashed and skidded.   fortunately it was a soft swing,  not one of her Big ones where she kicks off from the big branch      But anyway,  it got a new strap  and i thought ok and got in,  mid day heat for a nap and it was just so so Fine,   never quite still,  always a soft almost imperceptible swing  and BREEZE   and  SHADE   

this is looking up

and the      dog     rests almost under it.  her Ball between her feet.    Incase   i wake up.

dog

i talk to Alyssia,  just kind of mindlessly about her,   her here,  what it is,  and how it feels  and is it possible and how it feels and what it is and at the end of the day yesterday i heard mySelf say

i just didn't want to love that way again

 

i just didn't want to love that way again

there was almost relief  with the GAP of losing Tay.    that that kind of love was over.    some kind of relief.   even tho it was a huge chasm of empitness   ????????????????

but

here's this dog.   her eyes.

 

 

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13 responses to “dog is god spelled backwards. or vice versa. and what is the difference? there IS one…..”

  1. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Related – Unrelated…
    when I see your big trees and swings, I am reminded of a swing my ex put up for our children when they were a few years older than Emrie. Problem is, he tied it tightly around a very thick branch on a very large pine. Years later, long after he’d moved out…the branch fell in the middle of the night on the roof above the bed I slept in. I did not wake up and only found it when I went to call the dog, Ruby. I think that branch had been choked off. Symbolic somehow.

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  2. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Oh, and I like the view looking up 🙂

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  3. maria Avatar
    maria

    ONe in All …. big smile

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  4. jude Avatar
    jude

    loss is part of real love. and so love is the biggest thing we give. we need that kind of love, the real love. I happy that there is dog. again.

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  5. Liz A Avatar
    Liz A

    I remember hammocks … when we were kids, swinging them as far as we could … and then, as an adult, never able to settle into the gentle rhythm, my mind buzzing with the endless to-do list of a working parent/homeowner … I think I could now, settle in and let the lists go
    how endlessly tall your trees are …

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  6. Deb Avatar
    Deb

    Someone wrote (so perfectly) that Grief is Love with no where to go. You honored Grief. Now Love pants over a raggedy ball, asking not much. Offering everything.

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  7. Peggy McG Avatar
    Peggy McG

    Never the same, but a comfort none the less.. same goes for the man in my life… ha.. ps he enjoys me updating him of your life.

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  8. Joanne in Maine Avatar
    Joanne in Maine

    When my second dog died..I said no more …but now years later, I regret that. I would have a companion now ……someone to care for and walk……at midnight before bed. Keep the dog.

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  9. Faith Avatar
    Faith

    I think it’s not the love, but the grief of loss, knowing that we mostly outlive our dogs, that you don’t want again, won’t have if you don’t love that way again. Perhaps the sense of relief was from just her last days and the pain of knowing you were going to lose her.
    I’m always telling my son that love is not something that just happens. It is an action verb and we decide we will or won’t love someone. But the landscape of that love is not necessarily what we decide. It’s determined by the unique mixture of the personalities of the lover and loved. You WON’T love THAT way again because Minnow is not Tay.
    Give in to the eyes.

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  10. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Grace, dearest, please help me to understand what you mean.

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  11. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    the intensity, then the gap? the relief?
    it is as if the connection with the DOG is somehow the playing ground for the connection with all life. the Dog and i, sharing our lives and without words, Dogs, just FeltSense, only FeltSense and my response can only be FeltSenseNoLanguage
    and so….no ability to uhhhhh, distance. All is Immediate.
    this is some of it. let me think. But
    to you, Laura
    how i love you for asking this

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  12. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Sometimes, we have a once-in-a-lifetime connection to a person or an animal–like a spirit-or soulmate. The end of which is the very worst kind of grief. Everything after that can seem watered down, or more work. All we can do is to try to remain open to what another can give that we can give back, and vice versa. We might get lucky and have ‘it’ twice. But, to have something is good.
    xoxo

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  13. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    I saw Godspell when I was a teen. By that time, I knew that I was an atheist.
    The music was incredible. To be enjoyed by even me!🤣

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