windthread

 

 

and this one….again,  a one only scrap with the morning glories.   When i look at it from the distance of where i sit at the Everything Table,   for some reason i don't know,  it reminds me of   an image that would be in Architectural Digest,   whose photographs i used to love and save….   it reminds me of entering some Art Deco room..or  Hall.   a Hall.   Full of Design and Color with fountains and small pools with fish,  and it is also an atrium with butterflies

 

the Second…..   i   l o v e.     repeat  l o v e   over and over.    it began with just wanting to find  "light" pieces,  as in light color,  value,   but then it  very quickly became Its Self.   it's only 1~9   and i'll leave it that way for time being.     Just because.  the  9,   the tulips….there is only this scrap.    Back in the days of making fiber figures i often used upolstry cloth…this is from those days.     i was unaware i had it.

?????   these two paragraphs got turned around????   How did that happen?   

 

have reached the point where the Wall Cloth is Full.    I don't know what to do now.   Maybe double pin them up?   One over another?    That doesn't seem right,  but i don't know what else to do.     Am almost finished with enough for ONE quilt..which would be for Jenny but then…twice that for Alyssia's.    And i really want to wait until they are ALL made before i chose which ones go where.   I'll have to do that on Alyssia's livingroom floor i think.   i can't believe how happy this makes me.

Today     i drove to get Walnuts.   Got them.   3 grocery bags.

B Garden.   squat sitting arms wrapped around my knees  just looking.    a long time.  at nothing in particular.  i don't even know why i was doing that.   felt like a day dream.    A lot of weeds have grown,  weed grasses,     w e e d      the word for everything that lives here of its own accord.   As i've given water to   plants   i've  also given water to weeds.    Rocks and stones,   the pattern of shadows on them,   can they Feel the shadows?   What's it like here at night?   

there's only this much of this vintage red…actually,  2 more inches that can be used as a 1 or a 2.    But i don't want to cut it.  It's  3  1/2 inches.   so it will remain like this,  as is.    i don't think i'll add  strip 12.   Just this way.   

 

 

they startled me in First Sun…so  so Beauty FULL

i really tried to use incongruent pieces,  color and pattern….   just to see what it would be like and …..as it  IS,  as in ..Truth,    they just receive each other,     and it is Always Good.   Deb G's Knowing:   do not match.   Had she'd not said that,   i never would have known how this      IS.   

and how to me it relates directly to….the overlay,  the interplay of  LoveLifeForce.   Illustrates that.   How grief is a kind of love and love can be the embrace of grief while also Being grief.   Embrace like Emrie's hugs…complete   holding to,  no hurry,  holding,   breathing with.   

i went back,  which i rarely do,   and read the last several posts…..just to make sure it's   "honest".  It is.

so.   in the begining,   each end of day i would fold everything neatly.    Clean the table.     then after while,  it was just stacking on the basket.   this is how it is now.  how it will be till they're done.   

 

if  i were ever to buy a new piece of clothing,   it would be an   Ann Taylor.   Just because of the incredible workmanship.  workpersonship    This i am sure you can recognize,  came from Deb Lacativa.   It has been in SO many things over time….is a True Love.  Taking apart the placket,  an epic effort.   

and the pocket.   just SO fine….it will find its   Place.

the sense of Love~Life force    holds.

 

 

the words in the notebook came from this last one….or,   With      this last one         in the early early morning hour…     and the day has passed.   the Epiphany has faded,  hidden its Self in   a quietness,  now.   But it was THERE and so VIVID      How love is everything.    

how love   ,    lower case love,    everyday love

is Everything    is Alive in everything.    is love just    Life Force?       What do those two words mean….life force?    ???????   I'd thought how this last gathering of pieces couldn't be ok,   but they were….they were just so much OK    and there was an understanding      for moments.    then quieting.     i will wait for it now.   Trust ing that it will return.

the notebook refers to T's Ocean Day….i can't tell in this moment what i understood about that this morning…but it was so clear,  so incredibly clear…..They had all gone to  Santa Cruz,   to the Ocean there on T's Day….T's Day of her death,  Santa Cruz her favorite place,  the place where her ashes were let loose one year ago… T   32 yrs old,  Love of my grandson Jeff,  mother of Brinley      Just them and i have pics on my phone of them there,  that Ocean,  a couple small videos of the Ocean coming IN  upon them,   Jenny,   mother of Jeff,  Alyssia,  sister,  Julian and Emrie,  Brinley,  building sand structures with feather and stone   

how love is sometimes so sad,  but is 

love  somehow no different than the love that is  Joy

friend Bill back in N Mex had sent a box of fresh Green Chile a while ago.   Came Fed X.    a lot of it.   before i got to these,  they weren't as fresh so i have had them down here at B Garden,  drying.  for the seed.   Spent time at B,  not doing anything,  just being there.   The chilis took me to Liz's  trip to New Mexico…i'm not sure she's back?  or still there?   i looked at all her pics again (again again)  thought the words…..i love New Mexico….thought how i use that word a lot….love….as a verb…..so it started that way,  i love New Mexico….      What do i mean by that?   What exactly IS     i love New Mexico.    Yesterday i'd said  "how i can just Love as fully and as well as i can…."        i find it to be hard to stay with the question….what do i mean by that.    

so…Love.   it's maybe going to   (or maybe it was just today)  (don't know yet)  turn into some kind of life review of  People i have loved,  not loved,   Things and Places,   Experiences  and  Teachings,  specifics,  like Lizards.   Kinds of love    

and maybe it's part of the Earth Grief.   

 

 

the bottom 4.  the last 4 made.  Bottom right,  finished today.   and during that time,   Zinnia spoke.   Not like the SunFlowers,  but just in a Full Given Thought…..   I don't know how else to say it.   A Full Given Thought.     About how they were and are wildflowers,  ancient in their beginnings,  changing and changing on and on and into our seed packets today,  but they are

wildflowers

and always WILL BE.   They said….

and then there was things about how i can Go.   How i can just Go,   how i can just Love as fully and as well as i can,  looking for all the forms that can take

 

Zinnia   a genus of plants of the tribe Heliantheae within the family Asteraceae.   They are native to scrub and dry grassland in an area stretching from the Southwestern United States to South America,  with a centre of diversity in Mexico.  Wikipedia

Everywhere i have lived.   Everywhere since i left a childhood to live as a young adult,   whether in a flower pot or a patch of earth,   i have planted Zinnias.      Zinnias mean….I live here.     Here…..I am.     Back in the day i got the seed packet from the

dime store

then,  anywhere.    a drug store,  grocery store,   hardware,  feed store,  Walmart,   anywhere.   Everywhere has Zinnia Seeds.

this year they came in the mail as a gift   a packet    and i planted them behind the Black Eyed Susans then  found them to be lost among those Black Eyed Susans and the myriad weed grasses.   OR  maybe even the seeds were eaten?     But in the last month,  as the Susans have completed their cycle and dried,   there…..small and then stronger  green plants and now…after all has been said and done,  all through  the  100 degrees days,    they RISE.   and

BLOOM

their Glorious forms,  their blatant  or subtle colours

and all the Questions and Concerns i 

entertain

are answered by them.    We ARE   they say.     We ARE,   like you Are.    Same.  We are.

 

the little Wall Cloth  and the bigger one pulled together.   There was no more Vertical space so i  pinned horizontally and was startled by the Change.   I can't  "word" the change,  but it's good.   So, now….5 across.  Two more rows…10 but then two of the above i have claimed,  so  12.  Half way there.  It's all i want to do.  

i did the "little sleep"   thing and woke from that…20 minutes…confused.  The dream in those 20 minutes had been intense but unremembered except for the uneasiness.  I was unsure what part of the day it was….7:45 am….   First wake up was at 5:30 a.  Was on call today in case it took Alyssia longer at a Dr. appt.  in Sacremento and i would go pick up Emrie from school.   Today was the Verdict of  Parkland.  Was the  Jan. 6 Committee.    I would watch as much of both as i could.  

in the midst of all that was Trust Time.    which brought to mind Nancy's words   Pomegranate Trail  that had stayed with me these last days…"May you embrace the overwhelm"       i thought about the Grief and found self wondering  what could be a counter balance as i  embrace that overwhelm….and  just

love

came up.   love,  like the Biggest kind,  love of humanity,  love of this planet,  this solar system,  this Universe,  Eons of time,  all the multitudes of life forms that share this Earth,  all the phenomena,    ALL That i Know and then ALL THAT i know i don't know but Trust is There.     So…i am going to just Rest in this for a while.   Go back to  reading  Entangled Life.   Which is where the drawing at the top is from.

 

this took a while.   i kept wanting to do it but tried not to but ended up doing it….. 9   10   and 11  are all from the same piece of  cloth.     

it tells  a  cloth story  about  belief.   about  loss of belief,  or   loss of  a chosen innocence of belief.  of coming face to face with that.    Realizing it has been a long time coming,   has been a process of some years,  really.  30 or 40.    And never wanting to give words to it.  Feeling it was enough.      In Catherine's good comment she gives words about Impermanence,  the ground of Buddhist Teachings.   and then  Nancy  writes about a word   i'd not known,   Venmod,  a swedish word:  "pensive melancholy,  tender sadness (negative) calm feeling that something emotionally (positive) significant is over and never will be back."   Wiktionary .    How  these are the story in this quilt block….it's hard to say,  to find words that can convey my sense of things….but ….,  well,  in other times of the past,  long ago,  a Lot,     i would have felt that  Making Things had some power….

making things can have power

i am not able to say much else about this at this moment,  it's too much,   but  what is different maybe i want to Try to say….?  i'll try…….what's different is that  any  "power"  is in the 

sensing.   in the degree of which there is open ness to Sensing …..ummmm,   the "prevailing winds".   Sensing what is All Alive and in Motion  of which you are part…part…a Kaleidoscope    and you are one of the glass shards   moving with and into changing forms       with all     to  form    a   Big  Picture  that then     changes.    What you   Make   helps you see this.

this is not     it.    it's a good try.     i'll need to keep trying.   

 

LATE.     Adden.           Peggy.  Think of You