windthread

stuff glued to a piece of cardboard  20 or 30 years ago,  i don't even know.   if there were words for today they would be

i don't even know

here i am in California.   because of circumstance,  i need plantlets.   Last year and the 3 prior Jenny brought them,  some by some,  but this year…circumstance…….i'm on my own.  Which means many things,  on my own.   I don't think i have the  wherewithall   to try to put it here,  what that means….too many words.   

anyway,    Home Depot has supplied the starts  in years before.  Some did great.  Some,  the tomatoes,  not,  but ok enough.  I need a greenhouse thing.   or…be ok with ok enough.   and i see today it's up to me.     Hey grace…..

so i needed to get to Home Depot.   eeee.   streets here are wierd,  they wander and change names.    abruptly.   i have never been able to get any sense of direction…everything to me feels South.  But i thought,  ok   just go.  Go to somewhere in town you know.  and i chose the post office.  ok.  type in Home Depot on the phone….directions….and that'll do it.   It didn't.  I drove around for a while and got no where because the names of the streets have absolutely no meaning to me but then,  all of a sudden,   the phone lady started talking.

and she told me Everything and i got to Home Depot and i got plants,  not what i would have dreamed of but….plants.   Little pots of

plants.   dear them  

and this is day two ,  so Alyssia came at 5 oclock and we did Sunny Ray.   As best we could.   It didn't go well.  We were supposed to repack the wound.   it's a very different thing,  an anesthetized Goat and a Goat in pain   we brought all kinds of things…shredded carrots,  crunchy vegetable strips,  saltines,  even i tried Raisin i Bran cereal  all of which he thought were great but he kept really wanting alfalfa pellets which are not good for him,  but we gave them to him in order to get his leg   COVERED well enough…  we need a new plan.    She does the dressing.   I hang on to his horns,   backing him into the wall of the Curry House.  He struggles.  Sometimes i hang on.  Sometimes he pulls free.  Over and over we go.  Till we get it done.  We need a new plan.

so anyway i came home in the some moments,  i shuffled through  things and came to the image above that is 

loving

how we can't know.  Anything,  really.  We just Go.    ………..   yes.   we just go.

rained non stop all day so a perfect day for sewing.   Everything so far is stitched in place….except the wild thread…..so now, i Wait.   Listen.   if there wants to be anything more.   In the meantime, can stitch the Temple of Sun and Sky to the long cloth in anticipation.

 

 

 

 

 

when dogs attack livestock.   Livestock loosley meaning domestic animals that are kept in some kind of fenced area…some of those areas large,  acres,  so the animals have Freedom.   A lot of dogs will enter those areas and CHASE.   become bored and leave.  Some come in an interest in catching.   There is a deep primal thrill to taking down a running creature.   Killing i don't think is their first intent.  Eating rarely is.   To pull it down.  Disable it.  it often goes to kill,  stop movement.  But that is almost beside their point.  it's the initial thrill.

Vet came.  She had hoped for better.  A lot of the puncture wounds did heal.  But these major ones…there was a lot of necrotic tissue that was not sloughing off.  there was still infection.   She put him under.  completely then  cleaned it of all she could,  followed by deftly debriding.  meticulously cutting necrotic tissue from the tendon that you can see in the second pic.   There is simply a lot of his leg  "missing"…from being bitten off.    We will go back to the antibiotic injections.   She'll come again in a week.  Maybe need to repeat.   The hope is that he will build new tissue to connect the tendon.   But the muscle is gone.  "He's a peg leg now".  But she admired his spirit,  his ability to get around as well as he does.  Thinks he is a very fine Goat.    She sees 5 animals a week like this.  dogs.  this area of N. Cal is very rural.  Most people have livestock of some kind.    Yesterday it was a Goat and it's horse.  Both.   They are living down at UC Davis now.  For them it will be months.   For Sunny,  a month more or so to get as good as it's going to get.  For the wounds to "seal".   That's all we are hoping for now.

The animal control officer in charge of our case went on a two week vacation.  When she returns we will go to Animal Court.  The people with the dog do not want to bring the dog in.  They want to pay vet bills.  They say they promise it won't happen again.  Even tho we are not the first time.    We want the dog surrendered.  which means put down.  which means euthanized.   if Tay,   for as as much as she is  ME,  and i am HER,   were to draw blood ,  it would be what i would have to do with/to her.  There is just no choice.   The only reason Sunny's wounds are primarily this leg is that they were seconds into the attack.  They  had just pulled him down when i came screaming and running.   He was struggling,  fighting,  they would have continued to subdue him given a moment.  Their faces,  their mouths were full into his body.  

just to say.

 

 

 

 

HIGH WINDS last few days and there have been,  many times before,  the immature cones often fall but this is a first.  A pine person….    Grey Pine,  Foothill Pine.  the Hill's pines.

 

my daughter,   Jenny,  becomes 50 yrs old this month.    Fifty.  FIFTY.   i'm not much for birthday celebrations after grade school.   But my daughter…..becomes 50.    

How to MARK this?    This has been a hard year for us.  She has come into her motherhood and grandmotherhood  Hard.   How to commemorate.   

the Macaroni Necklace.

She and i made a macaroni necklace for her grandmother,  my mother.   

 

Emrie and i set to it.    I was not expecting a lot.  It's tedious work,  requiring a lot of focus.  Will.   Emrie is more expansive,  free form,  but she surprisingly set to the task.  and we DID it.  With a certain kind of ease and Joy…for New Nana.  Sat and admired what we had done.  Imagined Jenny opening this gift.   

what you get….after becoming a mother at 16.  On your 50th birthday.  a macaroni necklace.   

we are who we are.

the seeds that Emrie planted in the little toilet paper roll pots were planted today.   These,  along the ridge behind Tazmeena's grave.   I have never transplanted Sun Flowers before.  Always direct seed.   I was surprised by the LENGTH of their filament roots in those little round toilet paper planters…..LONG already and i hope not too long,  not too much disturbance of Life Force.   Learn.      I will direct seed others all along that fence line.   My heart hopes.   SunFlowers are Strength to me.  Fierce Beauty.  Food Flowers.   My hope for this Summer.   i find my Self   hoping.    i didn't used to.  

the two strips of Toad Egg cloth….a promise of the continuation of Life Cycles

the kantha is finished.   all that is initially here is stitched in place…invisible baste….Jude Hill…..Spirit Cloth.  

the eye….given ink.   part of me wishes i hadn't….kept with graphite.  But it's done now.   We will sit together.

Temple of Sun and Sky 

Ketanji Brown Jackson

Justice.    Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson.   Justice.   Nominated for 

Life.  

Emrie and i did things.   a LOT of things and it was smooth and easy.  She learned how to make my mother's macaroni and cheese.    We saw that seeds Came UP,  their 2 leaves,  things had GROWN,  2 more leaves,    things flowered,  there was fragrance.   A swallowtail butterfly,  a dragonfly,  a hummingbird all came and lingered.   I'd woken to strange circumstance with a friend of some 40 years,   surprising,  startling,  really,  even more than that but i have no way to describe what it was.  I woke from the Little sleep…stunned.   But then she came and we did things.   

when Alyssia got back,  we changed Sunny Ray's dressings and it was not good.  or ,    half was good,  half not good.   it was difficult.    We will look again on Saturday.  Maybe the Vet needs to come.  

and then the world.   

So the day.  of many things.   i am hoping to finish planting after tomorrow when i will get the final round of soil from Home Depot.  Seedlings of things i am not able to start by seed.    I held the Cloths this evening.  Touched the stitches…They wait for me.