windthread

the love.   the love is the same.   cloth is the same.   it's me that is in question.   

spending time.    as in,   how do i spend my time.    and/or   spending ….Life.    how do i spend my life.

this all is nothing new…i've put it here before a lot.   But it was just the Spring Equinox of that 77th year that has long held meaning to me.   and the sense of things is at a new level.     Circumstances in the last short while have had it so there has been no time for   Making,  cloth and drawing.   How does that FEEL,  grace,   for real.   Is there some sense of relief?    In just going about the necessities of the days?   that in themselves are good and more than enough?   What IS this sense of Getting REAL about the making ,   if i need to continue?  What does that mean that is different?   Why do i really want to define that so much right now,  instead of…. just going,   some In/some Out.   

and then…things like this.   The Turkey Tail.   Trametes versicolor.   You can google.   Used around the world for centuries for it's medicinal benefits.   Growing here in it's Joy of self.    If i LEARN.   the How of it.   to harvest,  to keep,  to offer.   But i haven't.  

we passed this cluster 2 days ago and said…Turkey Tail.   Today,  after a long GOOD rain,  when Emrie and i passed….this….

all brilliant and so Alive,  but then also….some other being having become involved here…????  Beneficial?,  to the Turkey Tail?,  or………not?    I need to go back tomorrow and look long and long.   Looking for Real.

z

i don't know.   From the Forever Zone thoughts on story…..i just don't know what to think,  how to think what to think.   Something in me is resistant.   i don't know.    so i just picked up this Cloth…

story?   no,  no story,  s t o r y,  a moment in time of a Place maybe?  Just an image of Place?   Maybe that's closer…an image.

an image of ……..a moment in time.  It's all i can come up with.   

strange coloration…reminds me of a hand tinted polaroid.

Working on building the garden bed at B and i turn the large,  maybe 50 lb plastic covered  cube of compost Up so i can open it.  and there

they 

were.   on the moist earth underneath.   Jerusalem Cricket.  all in their plasticy glory,  gold and black the striped Self, shocked to be exposed and completely  STILL until i scooped them into one of the GrowBags just there.  Then running frantically around the circle of the bag and i didn't look too long but went back to what i was doing,  letting my body get over my own shock of seeing them.   There's no way around it.   They are shocking.   Do not look at all real,  are so much more shocking to me than any Huntsman Spider.   Their face.   Sometimes there would be some living in the water wells of the trees in New Mexico.   Twice before here but this one the largest i've ever seen….the size of my thumb,  the body…the legs more.   When i did go back,  they had hidden their face under a stone.  Were still.    Wanting a photograph,  i tried to empty them out into that Yellow Bowl but they clung to the bag and ran and clung,  ran and clung.  I did this twice but they would not let go and when i set the bag down,  crouched,  face pulled in and pressed against the chest,  legs tight against their body.  Becoming as small and still as possible and i felt so bad.   That i had caused that FEAR because i wanted a picture of their ugliness.  It was late afternoon and Sun warmed,  i moistened the bag and took it a distance away to the shade near the frame of the house where there is all that cardboard spread in layers to prevent weeds and sprayed that wet too.  Left the bag turned on its side.   Said i was sorry.   it's hours later and i am still so sorry.   Neither of us would have intended the meeting.

daydreaming while watching water flow from the hose.  out of the corner of my eye…a message to LOOK and Lo and Behold!  After the intense rain of December,  all her mature "leaves"   became brown and withered at the ends.  Did not look good.   For a long time i have known i should repot…there are two children crowded in with her.   That might have happened any day and so, good that today i SAW this.    Anyone who knows Aloe….When i do repot her,  can i place her and her two children in the same pot if it is large and they have space between them?  What would happen if i just put them in the EARTH?…it doesn't  (or,  is not known to)  freeze here.

her and Puppy.   It got dark and she went off,  coming back with her stroller with the 3 friends in it.  She packs for herself when coming for a sleepover.   A lot of stuff.   I'd pushed the stroller to the doorway between the bathroom and that back room as soon as she got here,  but at dark,  she went for it.   Picked it up and put it on  the foot of the bed,  which is not quite a twin size.   I didn't comment.   Around 10:30 Puppy was asking to come in.    She usually would sleep where the stroller was.  But confidently asserted herself between Emrie and i in different configurations all night long.   Morning.   Time to go to B Garden.  The day to plant SunFlowers in the little toilet paper seed containers.  Off she goes with the stroller and the 3 friends.  Just how it is.   

Right before we left,  i asked her to Sit with me.   We did,  cross legged on the Earth in front of our SunFlower pots,  Fingers touching as she knows how to do and i told her i wanted us to do Metta together.   I told her that there was a man in a country Far Far Far Away who was mean.   Was hurting the people of that country.   I wanted us to do Metta for this.   She nodded…no comment and i said  we can just say these words of Hope.   We did.   first for the people of the country.   May you be safe.  May you be healthy.  May you be Happy.   May you live with ease.    We breathed 3 breaths.  then…for the mean man,  that he might learn to be kind.   We packed up the Toy Story people,  the pink plush bear named Paul and off we went.   All in a day.  Just going.   This is how she knows life to be.   I pray that never changes.   May she stay Sure.

such small things.   We are happy.