this is it. this is enough. what it asks to be.
so many moments of "should" with this Cloth. about it being too simple. about it being just graphite. But so long it has been here just to my left and i was unwilling to respond to the shoulds. This is it.
it's about the Strength in vulnerability.
Last week Alyssia brought this. it's over 3ft….a "branch" she accidentally cut off a bush at the edge of her driveway. It's off the "bush" that last year i immediately identified as a Geranium….and marveled at….not a potted plant, but a BUSH…maybe 4 ft X4ft or more. BIG. But in a state where grapefruits grow and olive orchards prevail, why not? a Geranium BUSH! Many of the leaves were dried, some still green, the time of year…..so i stuck it in one of the jugs and it's been on this morning table. I watch for roots. But yesterday….Emrie said something about the Flower. Flower? i looked…where she pointed
at the very end of the branch and sure enough…i had NOT seen it because i hadn't imagined it,
a very excellent blossom! It did not though look like the blossoms on my mother's geraniums. and i thought…maybe it ISNT a geranium afterall…just similar ???????? So i googled and and was amazed. "Geranium is a genus of 422 species of annual, biennial, and perennial plants that are commonly known as geraniums or
cranesbills. Cranes Bills!!!!!!!! And yes. some blossoms are like my mother's but some i found are exactly like this. But Crane's Bills….. No root yet. I wait. And learn from this to look more . Look Well. Completely. Not assume anything. So much can be missed and misunderstood.
thank you Typepad for allowing this to be journaled. And Thank You, Emrie, for your eyes, that don't know anything already and so truly see.
Blue to hold me Himalayan Blue Poppies Manoj Kinger Photographer
so….a lot, at once, with one thing dependent upon another and around….as Everything is.
Yesterday i tried, all different times of day, because for some reason, time of day seems to make a difference,
i tried to respond to comments in this last week of posts. I enjoy doing that. a lot. I reread the posts, and doing so, review a week of Life. I reread the comments and think about the exchange they offer. This time, in addition to all that has already been difficult in the last months, each time i tried to reply, Disqus required that i log in with them or "set up an account". In the effort to log in, my user name or password was rejected as invalid. So, a LOT of Trying Again…to no avail. Not sure in the moment how to view this. There is the hope that it will "heal" its self……… ? If it just appeared, it could disappear, right?
And finally today, Alyssia went through the hoops to order new phones for us. The present phones, upon which for me, everything is dependent, are barely functioning. 2 days they say. Once the new phone is here and i understand how it works, i will be able to address the issues…..the mess with Disqus and then…..changing from Typepad to WordPress. It's going to take some time and time is what i don't want to give it. Time is also of the essence with the Gardens. Seeds. Seedling plants. the seedling potatoes have finally arrived.
So, all together, it's a lot. I rest in Blue this evening. I hope that everyone who reads here will be patient. I love you ALL very much and please know that You are All a vital part of my life….day unto day. Who would have guessed, years ago….but it has come to pass. And it is True.
and through the days, i continue to watch the Derek Chauvin Trial. It is heavy. I am educated. About so much. Tonight i thought about how Emrie's father is a police officer in Houston Tx. How her Abuela there sends her videos, determined that she know spanish. How desperate they are for her to be able to come there to visit and KNOW them. Life is such a Weave of so much, just so so much. it needs a lot of love.
Storks Bill….Cranes Bill is EveryWhere this year. to the side of a rock on the way from this metal house to the Curry House where i feed pellets in the evening. Over on the side of Sunny Ray and Jack Flash's Place. At B. Down at A, all over around the Wall Garden, IN the Wall Garden. Everywhere. I took a zillion pics but none captured It well.
Today, as Jenny and her man worked to put an Easy Gate to B, i saw that there was Lupine growing there. ! . And then again. There are two volunteer squash from last year. The snow peas have sent up tendrils overnight. Right now….EVERYTHING is GROWING, SURPRISING, just all, Of Its Own Accord.
they left and i came back up, full of FEEEEEEEELING to find
Margery Knott…. trickstershoard.com an email….and it was IT exactly.
"We begin to live with Earth as the "Great Unknown". Each moment can be filled with revelation as we continue with practices of softly keeping at bay what we already know. Then, more subtle, inherently receptive qualities come to the fore…humility, trust, affirmation, truthfulness, Earth herself reveals herself as these kinds of qualities…the eternal 'Yes" of the Earth Soul. As we allow Earth presence to fill us rather than keeping Feeling at bay through 'pre-knowing' everything, we bodily enter into an inherent morality. We cannot harm Earth without it being harm to every creature and harm to the Human. This morality has nothing to do with 'good or bad', it consists of the immediate felt quality of everything, without exception, beginning with all Earth-presences as one, while the particularity of each aspect remains."
Robert Sardello Heartfulness The Center for Education, Imagination and the Natural World beholdnature.org
feeling like i would change things…..But…..i had "agreed" not to, to let things Stand, as they come, of their own accord….
and as i worked in the Gardens, i thought of this….things there are also of their own accord. As i followed the Trial….there too, things presented of their own accord no matter how choreographed the intention.
Life has its way.
Butterflies began appearing today
there was concern…when mowing the crazy grasses…..but there was no need for that. The Lupine rose and prevails. They all greeted me when i came back from Alyssia's home today. She had gone for her second vaccination. Emrie and i spent the afternoon doing my laundry and using our imaginatiion for a zillion things. Pretend. We talked about the thing of Pretend. We like pretend. April 15 will be two weeks. Things can change. it's been over a year for me.
i'm almost to the campsite A gate, the Wall Garden and bursting from the Rooster Swamp….this incredible sight…he hesitated just out infront of the road gate then took off up Carefree Way…our little dirt road…as he got just out of sight, all the horses from over there came galloping through their pasture….down their hill. I think right now there are six. Sometimes there's more. A shrill whinny and i could hear him skid and turn back this way. He went off the road and was searching to see a way over the seasonal stream…there is old ill kept fencing there but he couldn't get through. Finally he remembered how he came and took off back through the rooster swamp. Back home. He's new. All the other horses are full size…he is a Pony…maybe a Welsh Pony. Full grown but small, but so gloriously BeautyFULL…his gait, like a movie…mane and tail flagging out, Black Black Black with a single white blaze across one eye and down the side of his face. Beauty. FULL.
i wasn't planning on it at all. and then, didn't think i possibly could. But then….i thought, ok…just for a minute and i watched the LIVE of the trial FOR George Floyd, FOR his family, FOR a huge portion of the population of the United States of America, FOR Truth and for humankind here, in the country in which i live, FOR these times
and it seemed just too much….i needed to plant things in the B garden which meant much to accomplish to receive the Planting. I NEED to stitch the cloth. NEED to stitch the cloth. and alternate days with the Wall Garden where SO Much is needed…..
I can't watch.
but i did. for a while. then worked at B. Then came back and did House work necessary then made food and watched some more as i ate that food. And when i would have quit for the day….i continued. at first by just touching the cloth pieces, but they were Ready for me and moved into place.
I'm glad i watched the LIVE trial….it is very different from reading words about it at the end of a day. I met the witnesses, Felt them. Watching their faces, their bodies. I watched the lawyers, forming their questions to get a specific response they wanted. For George Floyd's family. For all the past and future George Floyds I will attend. I will witness. This is my family.
so, next to me. Less than 12 inches away, this drawing board with Cloth. Cloths. Waiting for me. To bring these last days into the Making. Tomorrow morning.
