windthread

just some more,  but it feels Very GOOD….it will all be ok.

I am missing Spirit Cloth.   Went there,  clicked on Instagram at the top of her page and yes….there are some pics  

But it feels so empty there.

 

left door  (and screen door)  open a while this morning to Air Out.  

 

my friend Jane,  from 17 years old,  sent this

Washington Post  opinions  2019/27/11   opinions  some trauma really is unspeakable so these women are sewing their stories instead.

Common Threads Project

This Exchange.   The sharing of Sentience.    There are so many things i want to say,  but they aren't ready to be said.  I need to wait.   What i am sure about is that i have Opened.    Through no conscious intent,  but something at a deeper level  that doesn't know what it's opening To,   but is completely Willing.   I want to rest now a little,  if it can be that way,  just breathe a while

 

This

 

This

This.    These.   These are what i would grieve.  If they could not continue.   These are where my Love is.   

29 or so years ago,  i drove in that 1975 old Ford Econoline van,  drove,  back across this America,  from Oregon/Arizona back to Michigan  because my daughter had blithely created yet one more child and said…come.  I need you.  Help me.  I drove and saw the most amazing sunset EVER and drove more,  fearing,  because i had so little gas,  to a gas pump in nowhere and went in to pay.  Rosebud Reservation.  South Dakota.  There was silence there.  I used the bathroom.  Came back to the counter.  Silence.  I paid for the gas and the man said….what are you Doing?  i said,  going back.   He said…Time of Looks Within.  

I left and drove,  i know it was this time of year because everywhere i went,  deer were running.  Hunting season.

Time of Looks Within.

I have changed.   in this third Rain Season.  I have changed.  it's True.  Real.   

I arrived on December 11th.  A first Rain Season.  I was shocked and unable to understand anything.   Months passed and last year,  after that first long Fire Season i knew more.   

But this time….oh,   this time.   This Time i am sometimes delirious with the THING OF IT ALL here….today…the SMELL of it,  i could say scent, fragrance,  but it is SMELL.  SMELL of Rain soaking down,  IN,  SEEPING,  Seeping down IN  deep deep

DEEP

It kept raining.  Non stop.   and  instead of having feelings about that,  i found self peacefull,  wondering.   HOW do i do this?

and i remembered back and thought to imagine.  To Visualize mySelf and i did.   I couldn't go back there to that place at the B Garden.  It was pouring.,,,,so i Visualized what it might be,  if i could.   I saw myself walking up and over there…followed Self as witness and saw mySelf kneeling there.   From my pocket i took small pieces of paper.  a pen.  I wrote things on the paper,  i wrote my griefs and each i set into that bowl.    Rain would soak them.   And i saw that in time,  when it was Enough,  i would carry the bowl of griefs and pour them into the compost.  Give them to this Earth to eat.

 

how this Hill rolls down to the creek/canal   which is beginning to GREEN.   Winter.  and it is beginning to GREEN.

it rained all day.   I carried the Doe  Goat feed up the hill and put it in their shelter where it's dry.  SonnyRay and Jacks new feeder kept theirs dry and Nogal,  i cheated and fed small clump of alfalfa that he eats very quickly.  Talkie hung with the Doe Goats in their Place.  

It was a long day.  At one point i was very surprised to see that it was only 12:30.  Like that.   If there had been a break in it i would have come back here,  above,  and continued.  If you click to enlarge,  you can see that piece of wood Form that was over the gate in New Mex.  and just next to it,  the Diamond shaped one that was the mast of the Raft in that desert.  Here now.

but too much rain,  so i found the pencil to see what might want to show up and it was a woman kneeling.  Took a while to get just this much…what does kneeling LOOK like?   I would close my eyes and try to see then try with the pencil.  I had remembered to go to Joanna Macy's Website yesterday…the Work that Reconnects…..    She does not shy away from Truth,  and i found solace there,  i also found determination and  willingness to Go Well.

Soon it will be Solstice which always is a Beginning to me…the turning to the Light…the Good just going.   I realize i feel like i live with two hearts.  One so easily celebrates Joy,  is so wide open to Receive all that this place can teach,  all that is so Beauty Full and Fierce and brilliantly Creative  and FINE   and then a second heart that is the other part of that Love,  that is so grief stricken with the lack of will on the part of humanity to face….as it was so aptly named…the inconvenient truth.  We move some in that direction,  but only some and we may not have enough time.    

 

 

one of her Practices is the Despair Ritual.    In the days ahead,  i will build that cairn.  Place a circle of stones.   Create a place to take the grief that is just up and over from the Garden there where JOY grows.   Two Hearts.  One Love.  Work on that.

 

from the porch in New Mex

more from that porch,   under the Old Apricot,  a couple from the fence of the migrational corridor .  The orbs are copper floats from livestock water  troughs….the sediment of that water.  Need to clean,  let their copper come through.

 

Scrub Oak that is center there…on a small mound  of earth  left as is  when they were leveling the space  of  B.   Some small distance just up from the garden there.   Had been undecided all this time but this is where i'll build a small cairn.  Emrie will help carry the rocks.

The line of that rim,  that horizon is far away.  The land goes down from here into a wide valley and up and up to that rim.

It's to the South.

ground is more grey brown,  soft.   Oak Gall dyed.    Lighter.

red threads…the Pulse

Oak on left comes into view.   I love this Cloth,  this slow slow Cloth.

Everything on your table today came from Earth.  Most likely,  so did your table and the chair upon which you sat.

 

WIND last night.   BIG.   all night.   RAIN all night.    When i woke,  i expected to see evidence

Out There

There was none,  of  the WIND,  just the Rain.  Wet.   But everything was in its place.  The wind chimes,  that had sung Storm songs  all night,  just there,  still.   A plastic adirondack chair down by Nogal's forest overturned.   I'd been skeptical,  but the Feed thing that Jenny had built for Sunny Ray and Jack….it stood and the feed was dry.   New configuration of Doe Goat Shelter,  inside,  Dry.   Talkie's place,  in the Kidding House….dry.  

Because Talkie is in her Evac crate and so,  closed in,  i need to be UP and OUT  a good 2 hours earlier than i'd like to….set her free into the day.  Which is turning out to be Good.   Who would have guessed…not me.  Since i am Out there,  i continue.  Looking,  walking,  Seeing.

 

 

 

 

i see that Moss is first.

 

The Rain freed me to go back.   Back to Cloth.  I finished Tina's prayer.    This took the Body of the day.  It was good.  Very Good