windthread

all over the Hill the Goats have made paths and these paths converge at different points to make the marks of  Y.  I take the marks of   Y  as marks of  Yes.  If viewed from above,  it would be a Hill of Yes.

Equinox 2019  Under a 

FULL MOON

 

the Asian Pear that the wandering Deer  pruned at the end of last summer.  That we had worried about.

 

 

Plumcot.  Apricot Plum cross.

both,  this and the Asian Pear we planted late.  They were a little stressed from the Nursery.  It was already hot.    We didn't know.  But here they are.  Their second year here.  2.  They are 2 for the Hill people.  Bees come.   That they "managed" gives us good courage to go forward with more.  Trees.   Plant trees.  Plant trees that will feed us,  feed any who will come,  down the line.

 

 Native trees bloom and form tassels,  like here.  Bees come to these too. 

i am coming out from under whatever virus had taken residence in my body.  Id thought it was just a cold,  but i guess not.  It makes the muscles slow and tight,  instead of two stops up the Hill,  there needs to be three.  I sit and rest.  But that has been a good thing.  To need to go slow.  To need to because you just can't go any faster.  Going slow has encouraged a lot of Looking and Looking is always for the Good of the Whole,  Right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back.  What JOY!!!!   I have dreamed of making food two nights in a row.  The first night i only remember that it was a really great sandwich.  Tomatoes,  thin sliced onions, cucumbers and the crux was a SAUCE.    The  details are gone…i didn't write it down.  Wish i had

last night i was making condiments.  Similar to Pesto.  Pestle ground ingredients into a paste that would be frozen in cubes.  the ingredients would vary,  spices mainly,  so that any thing that was at hand could become Greek,  Indian, Italian, Mexican,  Asian and more.  I was hard at work.  Knowing i should have been doing this "all along".  

and this morning i could taste.  Breakfast was just the squash and a scrambled egg together,  on rice.   Just now,  no egg but this Curry Sauce.   The absolute PLEASUre of TASTE is GRAND.    I worked on the gardens and think about growing FOOD.

 

yesterday.  Just looking.   Bloodbath.  Body parts.   Loved Ones.   in a Place that i'd thought to be a Safe Place,  a Gentle Place,  and they did too.  I looked at the News on this machine thing,  scrolling down,  then stopping and i turned it all off.  There was mention of the president of my country in the manifesto.  I turned it off.  Did not go there again, this morning.  I can hear them praying.  What to do?  How to be?  I took the seeds,  planted some directly.  Brought back soil to set some in the window.  I don't know what else to do.  There must be something else to do.

Everything.  Everything right now revolves around,  hinges upon  sense.  The sense of smell.  The sense of taste.  

because there is none.

it's day three.  NO sense of smell  NO sense of taste and the great gray blah bland  emptiness of that.  Why eat?   

I realize fully how much a sensualist i am.  How like a cardboard being i am with Out.   It is interesting to look at this.  See it for what it is.   I'd known it,  but not so clearly as now,  i guess because i have time.  Time with no taste,  no smell.

On the window shelf altar behind where i sit here are two boxes of incense.    Dhoop Cones that Lace Lady sent quite long ago.  Satta Sai Baba  Nag Champa,  SattaSai Baba Sandalwood.   Emrie loves them.  They are called the "Smellers".  Every time she's here,  she at some point,  points to them,  her eyebrows going up?  Uh, she says…meaning,  yes?  and i say the smellers?  she nods and i say ok and she picks up the boxes,  puts them to her nose.  Inhales.  Puts them to my nose,  watches me inhale.  We smell together.   Smell.  the first,  most basic of the 5 senses.   the most primitive and critical.  I think of Dana's new baby.  How when we first hold them,  our faces bend into them,  taking in their scent.   Breathing them in.

for 3 days i've been hungry pretty much all the time.  I've eaten toast.  Two bowls of ramen noodles.    Twice a scrambled egg.  For all it's worth i could have been eating shredded cardboard.  No taste.  No smell.     At the grocery yesterday,  i got chicken wings because of faith and hope.  Carrots.  ginger root, cilantro and celery.  and then onions and garlic.  That much so far in the pot and  i don't know from here..i have cabbage, broccoli and collard leaves,  parsley,  from the wall garden…?????  Why not?  But i don't know because I CANNOT SMELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I CANNOT SMELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!  EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  and WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

so i think about it all,  how much i love food.  it's all simple food here,  cooked on the stove or raw,  but how important it is to me to Eat food that i crave.   Worth thinking about.

I have a Son who is a chef.  I love cooking with him.  and i love that he smiles,  when we cook together,  because he will say what does it need and i lean over and smell and take a guess.  How he nods.  Yes.  That is the way to know.  Lean over and smell.

 

 

i had to go into town.  Which means for me,  into the World.  Well,  i didn't HAVE to,  i chose to.  To the Social Security place where i took my place in line and was called to a cubicle to say why i was there and then be given a number on a little piece of paper,  like at the butcher shop.  I was A77.  You go then to the first right down the hall.  A waiting room.  Spacious,  quiet,  a LARGE flat screen on the wall with a continuous roll of images from the wild lands here,  water falls, rivers, birds eating seeds, squirrles, same  the music is soft and gentle and full of Ease.   You wait.  I did.  And i brought with me all the papers that i was told by mail would be necessary to process my request.  The "worker" was efficient and good natured.  Not more and Not less.  At the end,  i was told i still might be missing one bit of information.  They'd let me know.  

Stopped for groceries on the way back and hauled them UP the Hill.  A very excellent warm Sun Filled afternoon and i put things away and stood there.  About a half hour till Julian's bus would drop him off after school.   I lay down on the couchbed just across from the door,  just to rest,    this "cold" is kicking ass,  fell asleep,  DEEP and woke,  looking out this screen door,  open to the Day and thought how so so incredibly Beauty Full.  All of it.  The Whole Thing.  How it's all so amazingly just Beauty Full.

daydream weeding,  pulling grasses at the ridge just behind the Wall Garden,  free association  when suddenly…ALERT!!! ….LOOK!!!!  and the unmistakable texture and pattern of TOAD!  Just so small a patch of back,  but enough,  YES!  

This is the first Garden Toad for any of us here.  Julian said he hasn't held a toad since when he was at the old house in New Mexico.   Well,  today.  This Very Fine First Toad Day.  

 

not tender.  Can it be dehydrated?

Planted Snow Peas.  Late by the calendar,  but this is the first week of SUN.  We will hope for forgiveness.  The earth here is beyond Lovely.  And that's not a word i like much,  Lovely,  but here it fits.  The Earth here is Lovely.  Black,  moist,  fragrant, exuding Lifeness.  I am dreamy,  my hands in it.  I could plant my self.

Claytonia perfoliata    the Miner's Lettuce

a salad portion contains a third of daily requirement of Vit C.  22% Vit A  10% iron.   So if i eat two large salad portion twice a day which is easy because it's GOOD,  like really GOOD,  then…for a cold…medicine.

i'm thinking today that it's good to get sick now and then.  For contrast.  For gratitude.  For awareness.   the body.  How amazingly well it works until it just can't.

 

and that's how it is.  really,  just simple.  yes.