windthread

This morning,  before  Work  Away.  Emrie's Cloth about Magic.

woke to BrainPickings,  Maria Popova.  There,   All These Wonders….the Moth.  Read.  feeling the pulse backward to where someone just had posted the cover of this book,  stories,  and how our lives are stories.   and was sure it must have been Deb G so left her a question on her blog and then thought, no, maybe it was Dee and went to look there but couldn't find it and by then,  Deb G  had  replied that it was Hazel….beep beep beep beep, the heartbeat ticked along the Red Thread  and i googled the Moth…HOW DID I NOT KNOW OF THIS??????????   and saw that these are on Utube and watched a few,  and read i guess on the Moth page how these stories are about Risk and Courage and the Unknown and i was so Clear that this is why i work so much now with Fear….and how it's not some kind of Weakness that i need to OVERCOME,  but a Real thing that is fair enough in the circumstances of Risk and Courage and the Unknown and i said Aloud,  I AM AFRAID.  and suddenly i needed to find the Magic Diaries Cloth…which toy box was it in?  and i found it 

 

 

hung it.

Stared.

when did i add this?….the place of Entry?….not that long ago…maybe a couple months?  give or take?

 

at that same time,   i gave her arms.  Just with pencil,  but arms nonetheless.  Stuff to DO.  Need arms.

staring….that thing of Unknown was present.   This side i Know.  I wondered if i might just add to it over on the Right Side??????  But,  what about the Other Side?

 

 

this is it.  Ok.  the Other Side.

 

and i thought about how when i was searching for the Moth,  i went to Deb G.   How she has this thing for FieldNotes that has always held me even before knowing her,  but so strong from knowing her

Field Notes

wikipedia

"qualitative notes recorded by scientists or researchers in the course of field research,  during or after their observation of a specific phenomenon they are studying.  The notes are intended to be read as evidence that gives meaning and aids in the understanding of the phenomena."

and i got out that drawing book that i'd started when everyone,  almost everyone, was here last year and that i'd thought  about doing something with, but didn't  and i got my Elmers glue and pasted stuff in and wrote some things

what's the difference between journaling and Field Notes?  

Field Notes are OBJECTIVE  descriptions of what one sees.   Here,  field notes would,  in this moment be about FEAR   in a 71 year old woman,  sending off a herd of Goats whom she has become Part Of.  Who have come to see her also as part of Them.  Ethnology.

ON THE HILL.

they have accomplished almost all the Goat World.  There are 4ft actual and real metal gates between 4×4 cemented in wooden  posts.  They made a corridor along side the outer fencing that can accomplish something similar to what i learned from the Vet here last week.   They have,  in place, what will be needed as a overhead shelter for the feeding.  for the storage of feed.  Alyssia took her dog Zoey who took risk and found courage and ran the perimeter into her unknown.    They talked to the adjacent neighbor whose dogs had ravaged the kids easter baskets and eaten chocolate bunnies and earphones both….he had heard them yelling at his dogs to GO AWAY,   and he agreed for them to use his present Tposts for new fencing which will limit his dogs,  a necessity in our thinking for the Goats and future chickens that the kids want.  Maybe not…dogs run loose there????  Learning.  What else?  other than it all goes so slow????  But there is phone reception always now and so most likely, Internet….so i can keep TELLING you once i get there…..

 

 

 

 

mostly,  i pulled Kochia.  would wander away,  thinking to think or do something specific but then it never would happen.  Thoughts would begin but dissolve.  Doings would be approached but dissolve before i got there.

I watched some on this screen off and on and thought about how what we do now,  when we are afraid or when something is deep in our heart,  we March.  We gather and March.  How strange, really.

 

the Giant Sage,  out in the Front Oasis i saw,  has grown such thick arms up from this Earth here.  It will be there forever now.  It's next to the Mirror Chair.   I thought to cut some pieces and make a smudge stick but then just took this one sprig.  The fragrance is intense.  I played it a small song and will leave it here to dry until some moment i want to burn it.

 

the Mirror

 

back and forth to the Raft.  Will take the diamond stick.

daughter Jenny called this morning early before setting out.  She talked again about how the Hill seeps.   Sweats.  scratch the earth in some places an inch and it will seep.    I think how before Us,  nothing was "built" there.  There is the original road,  a path really,  that they follow to someone's originally  imagined homesite at the top where her home will be.  No one seems to know that history.  Before that,  maybe only the Yahi people.  Who didn't "build"….just lived.  Do you remember the story of Ishi,  Last of His Tribe?  Oroville is where he appeared from out of the wilderness.  Maybe he walked that Hill.  Slept there.  Knew it.    Not all of it seeps.  really,  not much.  but there are two places.  One is on the road/driveway that needs to be strong.  The second is closer to Alyssia's site for her home.

So today was French Drain day.   They have been watching the water,  it's movement,  it's need.  How to learn the way of that water,  give it something it likes,  see if it likes it.

 

 

roots and some small marks with the Inktense pencils.  I used deep purple, baked earth and saddle brown….slowly.  care full y.  I fooled with the eye.  You can see that i tried it as a Goat's eye,  but then took that away…almost.  

 

these second year Holly Hocks….grand grand grand and on grand daughters of Georgia O'Keefe's at Ghost Ranch….they,  so Strong,  will bloom early this year. 

Why did the coyote sticks photograph so    BLUE   ?   Maybe because i think on and off about taking them with me.  These are the sticks i salvaged from our local dump years ago.  Never made a fence with them,  but they have had many uses.  They are salt cedar.  Tough.  Indestructible.  

and to Offer this.

have had something going on in my left knee.  I can't think of what i might have done to cause it?  But an ache.  And then yesterday,  an accompanying twinge in the left butt….which alerted to that time some 12 years ago that i had such a thing with the Sciatic Nerve….that,  as i tend to do,  i just tried to ignore and assume time would heal it,  but i ended up spending a lot of time with exercising…movement…that worked….it's been 12 years….so it worked…but now,  needing to do so much and now,  having learned from Life,  i feel like it's ok to uhhhh,  help things along?

So the Structural Support Tea from Taking Root,  the so gifted herb woman in Vermont,  near Cynthia.  I have a half of a large bag left….CYNTHIA…take note!!!!  I have a LOT left!….Do not Send!!!

and two days,  a quart a day and today i barely notice the knee.

Structural Support:   Modulate inflammation, increase circulation,  nourish connective tissues and support the body to heal skeletal ailments,  old and new.

Gotu Kola, Solomon Seal, Tulsi, Peppermint, Ginger, Horsetail and Nettle Leaf  organically grown or ethically wild harvested.

TakingRootVt.com

this tea is what healed my shoulder after the Fence Crash.  and other than food,  the only thing beside an asprin maybe twice a year that i believe in.  and topical arnica.

off to sit on the porch and watch Sun settle on the Rim

 

 

What i saw.  What i watched.  Wind.  There is not so much Wind at the Hill.  Will miss,   Will miss this kind of Wind…this late day, dusk, kind of Wind.

 

 

to explain the disappearance of yesterday's post.

I realized out of the blue that i had put a lot of information there as if i am still just me,  here in this desert.   There are 3 other adults on the Hill and the Hill is really THEIRS.   I need to develop some sensitivity to that.

I LOVED all the google maps in response,  THANK YOU EVERYONE  for that…i'd never seen them before!

When i GET THERE  you will be inundated with pics from my camera till your heads swim.

Love and Love, me

 

 

 

 

 

as the vet suggested last week.  I had the Catch Corner ready.    He stood off to the side and said

put something in there …. and i had a feed tub ready and the silver bucket with pellets hanging on the high hook by the guinea hen palace,  like in the old days when i used to give them a mid afternoon snack.  And i dumped the pellets into the tub.  They all came.  Rushing.  He closed the stretch of cattle panel and afixed it with the bailing wires i had ready. 

12 does, me, and one Vet climbs over and In.  All squashed up,  the Goats all intent on getting some of the pellets,  hardly noticing that there was Something Happening.  He had agreed to not tag the registered and tatooed ones…except for Caroline who has very dark brown inner ears and he could not see a sign of tatoo.  Nor under her tail,  which is also very dark brown.  So she was first with the tag.  Then on to the other 6 younger ones,  born here,  not tatooed,  not registered.  Clip.  Clip.  Clip.  We were so close,  so up against each other,  it was actually easy.  I strattled them,  kept them from backing up and pulling,  he clipped in the tag.  Only one screamed.  I really don't know who.  It was fast.  His assistant stood outside the fence recording Name, color/markings/age next to their tag number.  and ok.    As of today,  we are certified.  The herd,  Crazy Wisdom,  is certified for entry into California.  

One more vet visit to cut Nogal's scur horn.  That's it.  I lit a stick of Nag Champa in a prayer that we can find such a Vet in California.

i look back now at all the energy i gave to this happening.  The Goats did not.  They were who it happened TO.  And they have already moved on.  Really,  beyond the moment of the tagging,  it was over for them.  I TRY to learn.  Goats teach.

Early,  8 oclock something the axle guy came for the trailer.  Surprised me,  so early,  and i was in my skinny old lady leggings with the hole and hair yet to be combed,  but we exchanged and he went off.

between 4 am and 6am  i watched the video of the HILL that daughter sent…i can tell you things about it,  i want to tell you things about it

but not today.  I am feeling like it's been enough.

 

cloth,  early morning,  after spending a night with Moon and Stars

 

iris continue

 

wild rose begins

 

ADDENDUM

finishing the above,  it is still light.  More Day to be had so i went out to sit in one of the Janet Chairs.  Have clear view over to Gideon who lies there,  at an end of his nothing so much at all day and i think how i hope he makes the passage.  Tomorrow i will order the LARGE transport crate from Amazon.  There are 2 here already,  but not the largest and it is difficult for him to arrange himself as it is.  In a transport crate,  harder.  So the Large.  We are all running out of money…in keeping with Jude's post with Leonard.  Truth is,  we are running out of money.  But before we run OUT,  i will get the LARGE crate for him.  I want him to 

arrive

with all of Us….and have some long days in a place that is a WonderLand.  Where he can Wonder and maybe be inclined to Wander some steps on his stiff legs.  This is what i hope for him

 

 

 

Jenny,  daughter,  made me a movie i can watch on facebook.  it shows me the Hill,  and it IS a hill…as it goes,  top to bottom,  how it encompasses everyone's "campsite", the Goat Forrest.  Her voice is there too.  Telling me.  We talked by phone.  

WHO would have ever imagined such a Time?  All of Us have had lives that gave no inkling of what is to come.  No inkling.  None of us imagined.

 

 

 

 

i love Hardware.   The latches to the back

 

John,  the trailer guy came.  Punky's older brother.  He looked at the trailer,  the Goats.  He liked looking at the Goats.  has some experience with Goats.   He didn't have the right hitch ball so needs to come back in the morning,  but Will,  and Will come early because i told him about the Goat Rodeo at around 11 am and he said he wants to have come and gone before that….ok and Good.  He told me what i need to do to get it registered and plated as a home made trailer.  Won't go into that now cause that's another day,  but he told me.

 

some days ago i realized that Tazmeena had had an event.  It was the night,  i remember it,  when there was pouring rain.  She was wandering and speaking.  I had gotten up and tossed her out the door so she could go under this trailer house.  I remember.  But last week,  i noticed a scent.  The basket with this cloth had been on the floor and because of the pouring rain,  because of her oldness…..

it smelled,  just some,  but enough

so i washed it.  in a bucket in the bathtub and hung it out.  Some of Deb Lacativa,  some commercial cloth,  but it's washed and sun dried and i knew it again…so this is Good,  even this

 

today i needed a wildness.  There is an Eye.  Over there on the right,  an Eye that watches all of it.  That is Witness.

had been thinking about just skipping to day,  it was work away monday and then just trips to the lumberyard and helping hold ocb board and then a long nap and digging a hole for compost that was gooey already but when i was out to do the evening feed in the Way Back,  filling the water,  looking up,  i saw PURPLE

 

 

 

 

just Out there near the Far Fence,  a little volunteer flower forest.  My  Weeds of the West book has been packed in the test packing event,  but i'll get it out tomorrow.  The little purples are New.  The red bud is how those daisys look before the petals begin to open.  

it was like i'd been given a bouquet

i think i really haven't said much here about the History of this Goat Thing.  There were reasons.  But maybe it's a good time to put it here now.  I talked to daughter Jenny late afternoon and it was so woven and thick.  They had been at the Hill today,  her,  her man, Alyssia and the kids,  the dogs.  They pounded t posts for the Goat Forest.  She says it's BIG.  like really,  BIG.    They marked off how it needed to be divided for the doe Goat Shelter Place,  the two divided Places for the bucks,  the place where the feed will be kept.    She said there is SO MUCH ROOM and more.  Places that will feel Wild to them extending out and beyond their Shelter places.  Listening to her,  i was deep in gratitude.  We did it.  We actually did it.

She got the two original Goats,  Snowbunny and Daffodil when she lived here in New Mex…about 70 miles up the freeway in Los Lunas.  She was married then.  There were a lot of plans.  They had almost 3 acres there.  She built things for the Goats and got a buck .    and it began.  If you breed thought FULL y and Care Fully,  for excellence in Dairy,  you have an open and endless market for any kids born.  You post your kidding schedule and people reserve the kids ahead of birth.  This is what she was working toward and working Very Well toward.  It was Happening.    We had intention of taking them to the State Fair.  We DID take them to State competitions and they won.  I say we.  the We was me with what i could.  It was her.   The marriage was not good but the Goats were and so things were ok enough.  The marriage deteriorated.  More and More and there was a day when there was an Intervention.  Her father came from Michigan,  her brother, my son,  from Colorado.  Her daughter Alyssia from California and me from 70 miles down the road.  In a day of HARD,  we loaded her,  her Goats,  her Livestock Guardian Dog,  Kadir,  her other Old dog,  her barest minimum of stuff into transport vehicles and she left.   She had transfered jobs with assurance of hours.  Once in California, though it didn't happen.  For months,  she held on by a thread.  She and Alyssia lived together.  Julian was a baby.  Alyssia still in the Navy.  The neighbor there shot Kadir because he was afraid of him.  An Anatolian Shepard.  So GRAND a dog.   I think it was the shooting of Kadir that did it.  i prepared some and she and i  brought the Goats all back here.  2012.  April.  Near to the time of their leaving,  there was an insurrection and all the does that could be bred were.  That first spring here there were 14 kids born.  She was back in California for a while,  but then back in Albuquerque.  There were a

few painful years.  Little communication with her.  and we will look at that as just a GAP.   Nothing was working for her.  She didn't talk.  

the Goats just went.  as  is the beauty of Goats.  and i kept going.  Saying over and over to anyone who was in front of me about how they were my daughter's Goats and she would come for them.  

it's 5 years this month.

she is coming for them.  I knew she would.  Everything is different now.  Like created almost out of nowhere.  But it's happening.  They will have a forest of their own.   We talked today about how we imagine it going and really,  we just are so so GLAD that it can go…however that is.  We talked about the many ways it can,  but also,  how neither of us has any NEED,  other than to see them free.  To see them Free together.  Together.  to Watch.  to Witness,  Together.  Her, me, Alyssia and now Emrie.

i left so much out.  but there's too much to put here.   But it's about determination and long standing faith and a very deep love.  It's about more,  too,  but that's enough for now.

 

the Hill.  There.  that i can only imagine now.  and always in my Heart,  the New Mexico sky at the rim.

 

the Goat Forest

 

Who?   What?  is this.  some magical Being that will travel with them.  No point in asking.  We can't know.  

She told me today that when they were marking off the fencing,  her man had gotten some kind of GPS thing that identifies property lines.  It's used by hunters who have permission to hunt in a certain area but NOT over a property line.   They saw,  with this device,  and then Walked it,  that their land extends further than they imagined.  They saw that it extends into a "swamp"  and in that "swamp",  there lives a Rooster.  Alone.  a lone Rooster.  

The kids want chickens.   A lone swamp rooster will feel the pull.  Even tho there is no interest in a rooster,  our guess is that a rooster will come.  He will feel the need.  He will leave his swamp and appear.  On the Hill.  so.  ok.  ok then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He returned my call.  The trailer making guy.  Utility Trailers and other kinds.    He was a man of few words.  He was not Punky,  but his older brother John.  I had written down my questions.  I asked them one at a time,  ticking them off, and to each,  his answer was one word,  Yes.  So he will come HERE on Tuesday morning.  Take the trailer and replace the axle with a stronger one.  Tires too.  a spare.  One day.   The RELEASE from  this exchange was extreme.   I asked no one.  I DID it.  it will be DONE.  it is the Right Thing.  No guessing.  No Probably.  

I realized that much of what transpires in the middle of the night these days,  is a reflex of Focusing.

Focusing   Eugene T. Gendlin.  I have spoken of this so many times before.  From back in 1978.   

and today,  having that this morning,  there was such Release.  I saw it in the Cloth.

 

more roots and a significant change.

 

I printed it out and sat,  looking,  sensing,  and marked the thing of ReClaiming.  ReClaiming Self and ReClaiming the Going.

 

there will be a Goat and a Crow.

 

They are at the Hill today.  Putting in Fence.  After everyone has come there and lived there a while,  it will change.  The whole of the 6 acres will be opened.  But in the beginning,  when it's so new,  there will be fences.  

 

This is the Goat Forest

 

this is where their Shelter will be built.  Something with a place for sleeping,  a covered place for their food bowls.   Sheltered from the rain.  remember,  all that looks white/brown is really green.  It's the pic from off the computer monitor and i can't make it true.

 

and this is from Jude's blog…Spirit Cloth….her patio.  Again,  taken from the computer monitor screen.  When i saw this,  my heart skipped a beat.  I could do this,  i thought.  Bricks and Slate.  I could do this.  

I most probably Won't.  Most probably will be just native grass.  But i COULD.  I CAN.

What i will make.  What i will make There on this Hill,  it will go On after me.  Might become anything.  Maybe even Emrie will live in the hut.