windthread

Peggy commented on yesterdays's post that she was glad to see my Humor back.  and i thought YES!

YES!  How can i put that here?  The humor?  The Love?  The Appreciation?  How can i put it all here?

I wake every morning to go look at the kitchensgarden.com    A blog by Cecilia Mary Gunther that Nanette in Australia pointed me to.  Celi blogs everyday from her farm in the Midwest of America.  I think in Illinois.  She is originally from New Zealand.  I don't know her history,  really,  never read back that far.  She is committed to a sustainable farm there in the wastelands of America's midwest.  Pics of it…a green oasis amidst industrial devastation.  Every day,  she just shows us what happened.  Sometimes it's so so elegant and tender,  sometimes it's mud and grief.  Farming.  in her case,  REAL farming.  The post this morning:…her husband saw the pics she was putting on and she said was "appalled".  NO! he said…you aren't going to show them That?   But she did.  she went forward with the Dreary.  She is a heartfelt woman farmer,  a great writer and photographer,  her Heart is HUGE

and she showed us dreary

so how do we GO?  this is my question to my self.  How can i GO?    

Humor and love and beauty come through everyday in small small ways and it's hard to make them make sense here even tho they ARE existing…and really…really….there is so MUCH that just caves me in…what's stewing in the scene with the new regime readying to take over in January…there is NOTHING humorous about that.  But i don't need to detail it here.  Everyone is able to find their own details.  Pretty much what i'm looking at is Google News and Democracy Now and i know that there is word that Giraffes will be extinct in 2020.  you don't have to go far.

so HOW DO WE LIVE ?   How do we preserve humor,  love,  beauty?  and still FACE IT?

yesterday i was looking at that Vastness.  The Vastness that all rises out of and dissolves back into.

it IS the Truth.

but in this day to day and these days,  i will fall back into what i know and love to Hold me here.

 

 

this was just months ago…when it was FECUND

 

this morning i am aching.  I can "know" it…the luminous,  the spaciousness more Vast.  But i'm not there…in this life time.  I am here.  with Goats, Lizards, Crows, Dog , Cat, Crow.  This is where i am in this lifetime and so ok.  How do i do that WELL?,  then?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i'd gotten lost.    there is so much.  right now,  somuch more than somuch.  and i couldn't find Space.  Phenomena arises from and dissolves back into limitless space.  timeless space.  

the formless.

 

but ok.  here is the Being….standing….on the rim of phenomena.  And always there is space…just to see the crack

the umbilical cord is a construct,  but one that works in the moment

finished stitching open the Crack.  Stitched one red thread coming out of said Crack.  Held it up to the Light 

 

pinned to SouthWest curtain

 

 

 

These are Tay's paths.  She travels them first thing in the morning then off and on through any day.  This one,  just above here is hardest to see because the grasses grew so profusely and tall…it's almost like a tunnel.

am working on just seeing what i am looking at,  in one particular moment.   it's not easy.  i look at things and the mind immediately travels paths to the history of it and then more often to some Future  that more often  than not,  doesn't occur.   the history very spontaneously goes to some future.  I find it hard to just stay in the moment of looking and seeing.  So i am working at this and today it is Tay's Paths.   something seemingly so simple but really,  so FULL of history and future maybe's.  I need to just look.  just see.  this is important to me right now.  

 

 

i don't seem to be able to get this right….the color and form,  neither of them.  And want to say that i did cut a hole,  but it's not really a hole,  but rather,  a Crack.  There's a significant difference.  Crack.

and what color is the Space in the Crack of The Known?  White?

and coming out from that Crack of The Known,  are threads.  Judy will be glad to see that the first is RED.  Will they all be RED?,  multicolored?  RED and something else?, like black?  as i type that,  i like how it feels…red and black.  a turquoise one maybe.

 

i finished Pattica samuppada, the 4th image today

 

 

i read.    Healing with Form, Energy and Light  ……. the 5 elements  in Tibetan Shamanism, Tantra and Dzogchen      Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche

the 5 elements being:  Fire   Water   Earth   Air   and Space

"Many cultures that live close to the earth develop an appreciation for the spiritual dimension of the natural elements.  They recognize that the elements are not only raw materials…they are also an environment in which deities and higher and lower spirits  abide.  There are sentient beings living in each element.

In the level of the teachings that I'm calling shamanic,  the forces that affect us are taken to be outside of us rather than in our bodies or minds.  According to shamanism,  the forces of nature are alive;  spirits reside in the rivers, trees, rocks, mountains, waterfalls, fires, planets, sky, valleys, caves and so on.  These spirits are related to the five external elements in the way that our internal experience is related to our bodies.  Whatever our philosophy,  we normally experience ourselves as residing "in" our bodies.  Similarly,  lakes, trees, and rocks are bodies in which spirits reside.  In shamanism  these entities are not thought to be mental projections or of questionable reality.  They are autonomous and self directed.  Those non physical beings with whom we have contact can be neutral toward us or  they can obstruct us or support us."

 

in the midst of the reading,  i took this one down off the wall and without any thinking, CUT a hole in it.  That's all i know.  It has a hole.

and then at dusk,  Alyssia mailed and said LOOK….

oahe

a place to stand on

they have prevailed.  they have prevailed.  

they STOOD on the place to stand on and they drummed and sang,  they sang in the old way on this old Earth.

Standing Rock.   Maybe a Seed to show us the Way as we go forward into the confusion.

I am on my knees grateful for those First People who STOOD.  They will carry ALL our children forward.  All of us.  I am deeply grateful to them.   Their voices Ring out…i can hear them here.

more stitching on the small cloth.  all invisible,  so no need for a pic

Over at Spirit Cloth there is Mending going on…mending of blankets,  quilts,  

 

i don't have a quilt.  a stitched blanket,  human wraping cloth.   But i do have this need for mending.  For trying again.  This will be the second year of mending for this most loved hooded sweatshirt.  Last year i tried and i did put in a new zipper.  Here we are again,  cold,  and this goes on top of the lighter weight hooded sweatshirt.  Layers.  This one is layered in itself…with the thermal lining.

 

it's the cuffs and the INSIDE of the sleeves that wears.  Don't know why the pic chose these colors,  they are not True.  The sweatshirt is a grey now,  was black.  This strip of kantha patch is a greyblue.  and it held.  the small pieces i put at the cuff, not so much.  

 

the other sleeve.

and here are the words again….the ones of yesterday,   from Alyssia but not her words,  but ones she found and sent.

these words are from Cairo McFarlane of Elephant Journal,  which i think is a FaceBook thing?  I don't know how to change the spacing thing here between sentences and paragraphs so i'll just send it this way this time…like i am using her words to talk to Us,  to myself,  to You

"However,

If you are broken I cannot fix you.  I can hold your pieces within my bones and Atriums  Until you learn to piece yourself whole again.  One by one,  i will hand them to you.  And i will love you wholely.  And i will love you without judgement.  I will love you sans peur.  and I will love you.

Remembering is imperative.  Remembering you are loved,  in all your brokenness,  you are loved.

May you never even once forget.  Broken or not

You are Loved."

Cairo McFarlane  Elephant Journal,  Elephant Art.

I looked up,  as in googled the words sans peur…french.   The definition i related to most is:

oblivious of dangers.  or calmly resolute in facing them.

Calmly resolute in facing them.  yes.   and I LOVE these words as they apply Person to Person,  but also in a larger way,  they apply to my love of Humanity,  all the confusion,  all of the grief perpetrated on this grand and elegant planet

i thought today how the UNKNOWN is like a Great Beast that lives Out Side…out there,  among the Goats.  It is invisible but you can feel and hear it's breathing.  

 

 

eyes.  eyes we know to be for seeing.  Yet so much of SEEing comes from all the rest of what is around us,  available if we are able….NO! wait!  not able,  but WILLING.  Available if we are WILLING.

 

this morning, early,  before light…this 

the scur horn on a beaded thing over the Third Eye and i look at what i have drawn and the eyes are so BIG but it's what it feels like,  that i have these BIG eyes that are looking looking looking

 

So Travis and Everett came today and we built the new small yard for Sunny Ray.  Just the basic.  And where to put his Shelter in this small space which i cannot help?   Even tho Buck Goats don't make much use of space,  but stay close to the feed bowls,  the Water bowl and then are so self involved in their genitals.  So…in the next couple days i will go get 4 pallets with the boards close and we will cut through the fence on one side and add his pallet shelter so as not take up his SPACE.  

and through and in between it all Everett and i talk about God.  About meditation and he goes off with some of my books and CDs.    And my Eyes feel beyond Huge and i talk then for a LONG TIME with Alyssia and my eyes feel huge er and huge er

and i go out to feed and hook up the hoses to put water in the bowls and the SKY,  the SKY

 

and from Alyssia,  in regard to her present dilemma…

"  However,

  If you are broken

i cannot fix you.

I can hold your pieces

Within my bones and atriums

until you learn to piece yourself whole again.

One by one,   I will hand them to you.

And i will love you wholely

and i will love you without judgement.

And i will love you  sans peur,

and i will love you.

Remembering is imperative,

Remembering you are loved…

In all your broken ness,

you are loved.

May you never even once forget,

Broken or not

you are loved."

Ciaro McFarlane   Elephant Journal   FaceBook

soft invisible stitch in clear morning light.    

 

cattle panel delivered in anticipation of yet another yard.   for Sunny Ray who has worn out his welcome at Jan the dog trainer's.  Tomorrow we'll build the yard…Travis and Everett…next week the homecoming.   Fence will be double…this steel rigid kind lined with regular livestock fencing.  They say it might snow tomorrow night.  

Fear.  we could call it anxiety or what ever,  bu
ve been life threatening for her.  It would have become painful.  It would have affected her ability to chew which is of the utmost importance for a Goat,  which initially chews her feed but then chews the cud.

so this morning.  Vet scheduled at 11 am.  OK.  I do everything i can think of to make it possible to happen.    and he arrives.   He comes through the house,  out the Room.  I have closed the cattle panel across the Migratory Corridor.  No escape there.  There is still the expanse of the Way Back to deal with.  I'd though he'd bring his assistant,  the young and sturdy and strong young woman.  No.  Just him.  I say….   i don't know if we can do this….  he smiles a soft smile and says….  we'll see.  He stands on the porch steps with the new nylon lasso in hand.  I go with the big sauce pan full of pellets from last winter in one hand and  Lynda Merry's bag around my neck with salted peanuts in the shell.  Dump the pellets into the 5 bowls and they are ecstatic about this and walk among them feeding one peanut at a time …  to Cinderella and he calls    Grab her horn.  OK.  i do and she pulls pulls pulls but i hang on and he comes and puts the new nylon lasso around her neck and she's trapped and yelling.  We move her toward the milkstand,  get there and he winds the excess of the lasso around her face and back behind her ears and scurs making a kind of halter with it  and he lifts her to the milkstand and i close it around her neck,  holding her in,  quickly moving to the back of her to prevent her from falling off the sides with her struggle.  he  ties the still excess of the lasso to the side bars and holds her in place.  I am behind her not allowing her to back up and so slip sideways from the middle of the milkstand.  She's yelling.  All the rest of the doe herd are preoccupied to this point with eating all of the pellets.  Even her mother.  He reaches into his pocket and takes out a

BONE SAW

oh,  YAY,  i think…i know of these,  have never seen a real one.  and he marks with it then adjusts it and begins sawing and she is now SCREAMING and the pellets are gone and all of the rest of them are in a huddle watching.

he saws and blip,  one is done.  he begins the other and blip,  done.  And her tongue is protruding and her eyes are HUGE and she is panting.  

there is NO BLOOD.

we undo all the rope stuff and open the milkstand and she leaps down and runs and i go…to offer her a peanut not imagining at all she will take it but she DOES…crunch crunch crunch

she's done.  who knows for how long,  but for now she is GOOD and just OK.  SAFE.

 

a little over 2 inches…look at your yardstick or your tape measure…2 inches and i should drill a hole in one and wear it.  Wear it so it is just over the third eye to remind me that  Stuff is Stuff and there is no getting around that and we do what is needed to Just Go.

 

as he came back in,  he hung the lasso over the chair there,  the one that has the tape measure

 

 

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