windthread

Cloth needed to go on the wall.   for Looking.  but before that there needed to be some housekeeping.  Not just moving things Off the wall to make space,  but to clear space,  to clean.  I vacuumed and ordered.  Moved things that Were on walls to other places,  some folded away.  At first i am thinking, not enough walls,  but then that it's good this way.  Is a certain kind of ordering that has the quality of Ritual.  Cleansing for the work of the Now. 

 

looks very different on the Wall.  Spacious.  and i remember thinking that it was as if there were Rooms.  Rooms where different things were spoken of.  yes.  still seems this way.

 

this lower left corner.  

it is said that when facing fear,  it is important to have a sense of inner protector.   and  when you grow up with parents who did not protect you in some way, then cultivating a "protector" kind of inner energy is very difficult.  

waking in the night,  i lie there,  thinking about this,  looking into an unprotected night mind…nothing i could call protector shows up.  Just me and the dark.   So i have been  thinking about this and what i've been able to come up with so far,  is that Imagination is my inner protector.  Has been since i can remember.  Imagination.

Imagination as a life force that is constantly there.

Imagination as the Energetic Entity that is the Door.

Imagination,  the female energy that encourages birth of the new, Protects what is born.

Imagination,  that held me, helped  me stand and go when the rest of the world,  the world i seem to have been born into,  that world, when that world seemed flat and unwelcoming,  because there just was no welcome there for any one.

But Imagination took me in.  Taught me.  Educated me.  Protected me.

so…this lower left corner.  It's where i'll  begin now,  first.  Making a "house",  a shelter for Imagination.  Welcoming and in Gratitude.

 

 

 

the machine actually calls Gentle  ….  Hand Wash.  The setting was Hand Wash.  Because when it cycled through i had an hour or so more of work to do i hung it on their clothes line which was good because by the time i got back home a Great Wind had appeared. 

Everything stayed.

 

 

I need to sit and look.  Listen.  What is here already,  what needs to be,  that wasn't finished.  A moment in Time before Going.

 

rocks.  a lizard.  The Grass People and their roots

 

Lizard with Moth and Moon

 

Lizards and rocks again because that's how it is

 

fragments of Wild Magic moving through

 

double click.  A different language written in red thread.

 

a bird made of lightning over a Goat's eye

 

 

how Wind goes under the branch of the tree.  The Cloth is

Cut

and wind goes under

 

 

 

all day again.  Everything is secure.  Secured.   Will wash at work tomorrow,  today was a holiday, so tomorrow.  Their washer is a state of the art washer so i am going to assume that gentle will be gentle.  Will bring home to dry on the clothes line,  under This Sun,  touched by This Wind.  and then,  things will be

ready

to continue.  in to this time now.

 

stitching.  the Butterfly wing,  the megamendung…so they will hold when washed.

 

and the Sun Flower.   Edges made for holding.

 

Where i ask.  About Fear.  What is Love?  What is "safe"?  Why?  Is it Real?

 

Onday is on the Root Stump…her legs folded just so,  her beard flowing with the breath of WIND, so beauty FULL and like a Queen and i run back to get the camera to capture the moment and as i point the camera,  she,  of course,  in her Goatly way 

Changes everything

 

 

I MEAN IT…about the Bees…i mean it in an Urgent Urgent way.  There will be all manner of hysteria to accommodate real and imagined FEAR about the mosquitoes.  So there is GREAT NEED to educate ourselves,  to search out information about how our own parts of the planet intend to go forward and to participate locally on behalf of the BEES.

Humanity cannot live without Bees.

I read about the woman's bees and went to get this Cloth from the Constant Prayer Basket

 

From Martine who had sent it "some time ago" and i turned it over and in the dim morning light

read…September 2016  and felt that electrical energy you feel when something startling happens…How could this Be?   and went about feeling that until i looked again in clear light of mid day……September 2015….

 

i take this as a Clear Message.  That all this time We have been weaving this web,  this community,  across oceans, through countries of understanding  Our interdependence.  We are One.  and in this moment,  the We is so much the Bees.  We are One and we are interdependent.

Please.  Really,  nothing can be more important and more within our ability to effect how things go.

THANK YOU MARTINE….big giant and so deep love

 

a door on a coffee table in a livingroom

 

a childs wooden chair with a cushion  that can move around as it goes

 

 

Six crows stitched down.  In the center is Jude Hill's lizard Cloth that she sent when we were doing Patchwork Beasts.

i want to have all the needed fastening down done by Monday when i'll take it to work with me,  to Alz B's son Bill's house and wash it in their machine on delicate.

Pray for Bees.  and anything you can in the area where you are,  about the spraying that will go on for the Zika mosquitoes….Be Involved!!!!!!

 

 

 

Us.   2010     When they all were here, son too and we were constructing the ROOM after Jenny and i tore out the wall of the house.

 

5:10 pm

That note from Wendy.  The work of the child   L.  in the sand tray….coming on THE DAY here.

and unless i lack courage and the will to Just Go,  it is Done today.  In South Carolina,  they sprayed for the Zika mosquito…they aerial sprayed…a product called Trumpet.  A woman there,  a beekeeper lost 46 hives,  more than 3 million bees,  IN  MERE MINUTES.  i have always lived by Signs whether or not i choose to acknowledge that or not,  but the

signs.  They talk the truth.

What do we do when we are afraid?  What is the first instinct still?  We kill.   Eckhart Tolle in a New Earth puts it plainly.  "Evolve or die".

 

 

 

i took the solid wood door out from behind the futon couch where it lives hidden.  It rests now on the Dalai Lhama end table.  Pretty much fills the space.  It's my sand tray.  and i think how it's good that the Color Hue cloth faded into the color of sand.  

so i will stitch down what's here,  from Then.   after that, i'll wash it and hang it in Wind on the clothesline here,  from there….go on.  Now.  these days.  Sand Tray days.  Thank you, Wendy and L

 

 

 

My sand tray.   I walk with L at Wendys Sacred Space.    

 

This is the Cloth of Continuing.  the Cloth of Going Through that i made in September of 2011 for Wendy Golden Levitt's children.   Wendy's original thought was a Cloth that could be for when a child was ready to,  …..  go.  When they had finished with their work in her Sacred Space Place.  But sometimes the kids would go through a few times,  i don't really know,  maybe even many.  And sometimes they would just part the opening and not Go through,  but just look through to the other side.

Today, Wendy sent me this

here is the Cloth of Continuing,  placed by a child in the sand tray.   Wendy said it took the child two hours to choose and place the things on the Cloth.  For the child,  it's about Going.  Continuing on.  From a place she loves to a new and different place which has promise,  but is not the Place she loves and has loved.

How perfect that this mail should arrive today.  But then,  that's how it is with things from Wendy.

So,  I could just decide to take a Blog Break.   long and  indefinite or just put stuff here as it comes.  I am not sure yet.  But for now,  we'll see how it goes.

But in looking back through the Picasa Library of photographs,  and there are zillions and all are so heartfelt,  looking back for a pic of this cloth…it's like going back through days of my life as they have passed,  backwards………..Jude has cloths.  I have photographs.  both work.    But right at the time of this Cloth was the Magic Diaries Cloth.   From close to the beginning for me with Spirit Cloth.

 

 

so i went to find it somewhere folded on shelves and spread it here.  How faded it had become.  It hung on the west window wall of the ROOM for some years till i took it down and folded it away.  It is full of dust too.  Since i never finished so much of the stitching down,  to wash it was ify so i didn't.  Just folded it up and set it aside.  And because all in that time was so exciting and new,  i just kept Going.  

So….from Jan.  2012.   Now unto today.  and i am like Wendy's child,  needing to go but ……

So…i am thinking this eve,  maybe i will work on the Magic Diaries Cloth for however long.    Today i went to the bank and had cashiers checks  made out to the kids of mine…all of the Old Cowboy's money that finally came.  They are in the US postal Service network at this moment,  probably already gone out of Albuquerque,  whizzing their way in trucks to California and Colorado.  To California,  where Jenny and Alyssia are going through real estate things…making lists….making appointments.  Sometimes Jenny sends me things like this and since it's taken from the computer screen….well….

 

 

 

Real Estate pics.  Kind of hard to see.  But we can get the drift.  and i smile looking at them….Jenny is so not into "desert" but really…this is desert of a different kind.  So much of the land in that part of California is like this.  And yes,   not sand.  But here rocks and clay.  OK.  It's what they love.

Somewhere in the last few days i wrote this in the morning.  I set out.  To find the bottom line.  I worked hard making a Place and i made a Place.  I made it.  Now,  I will need to make a new place and i am nearing the end of my time.  This is new…..nearing the end of my time…Different than before.  

I don't know how to do this part…that has an End in sight.

 

 

Finished.  12 x 13    Garden     It's in the shop.  

As i'd determined to do,  i DID use recycle scrap,  but also…as always needed Deb Lacativa  for the purple sky and the butterflies…can't resist.

I finished it while it was storming early in the day then went Out for the afternoon.

Weeding.  Piles of Kochia.  A lot fed to the Goats but plenty for piles to dry and burn next month.

 

Garlic Chives that basically get no water but Sky water.  This year,  so little.  But very clearly,  it is enough.

 

so much August

 

SomeOne new.  Pretty sure it's a snake!,  YaY!!!!!!!

 

Caroline

 

the Most Sweet and Gentle Cinderella with her unsightly scur horn

 

and then, of course,  always for the camera,  Lucky Star

it was a day of hard love.   This Place.  Us in This Place.  

 

 

 

the altar cloth that Jude Hill wove..  it's 3 1/2 X 4 inches.  small.  but big enough for a Goat's Eye Stone

so it's going to be a stormy day and there is work planned for this late afternoon or evening on the Buck Hut that Nogal has managed to almost demolish.  There is so Much  in my head,  i need to get it down here and it feels like when we learned how to write a paper in middle school…making an outline.  

Magnetizing.   could be called transmigration of soul.   I can't remember if i put this here before ever, but needs to be here now.   Back in Michigan,  my friend Nancy who i worked with would come over after work a lot and we would talk while i made dinner,  then eat together.  A LOT of talking.  The conversations  moved fast.  On this particular evening at the dining room table,  we are deep into some thing and kind of ignoring the kids.  Jonathan is in his highchair pushed up to the table and Jenny is maybe just  3yrs in her booster seat.    Nancy and i are talking and talking and then there is a pause.   And in a strong voice,  Jenny begins.  

"I flew and i flew, momma.  I flew and i flew through the dark to find you.  I flew everywhere looking for you until i found you."

We stared at her.  What?   Nancy and i looked at each other….What?  I looked at Jenny and said

What?

and she repeated herself.   

i can remember that as clear as if it was yesterday.     And it has been told  many times since.  Is a family heirloom moment.   Sometimes over the years in our more crunchy times as mother and daughter,  there would be nothing else for me to say but,     well,  you flew.  And nothing more for her to say, but to look off into the distance.

 

And then there's the story that i Have put here, somewhere,  about how when she was 16 and pregnant,  and we were so unsure and she was in choir class at the alternative highschool and had gone on her lunch hour to the corner store and got a piece of Fleer Bubblegum,  the kind with the fortune  printed on the inside of the wrapper put it in her pocket and  they were singing something that she loved and she had an urge to read the fortune and realized that what the urge was, was the baby moving for the first time.   The fortune said:

you can have what you want if you really want to.

and she excused herself from class and went to the office to call home.  I had been wanting her to abort.  She said that she Knew.    That she knew that she really wanted this baby.  and the singing and the gum fortune sealed the deal.     And there was that Felt Sense,  in her and in me.  And this is how Alyssia was "received".  

So….how do i say it.   There are threads between the three of us that vibrate.   There have been times when we disengaged the threads to get space.  But we have always put them back.   And it seems that we have reached a certain point.  

……………………………………………………ok….i will take a break here and go feed Goats….i need to think before i go on.  

…………..ok, back.  

We had a practice run at this some years ago,  but it wasn't time.  It seems now it's time.  I am 70.  Jenny is 45.  Alyssia is 28.    We are again,  magnetizing things and receiving things, not so much in some deliberate way,  but somehow just feeling like it's naturally occuring.  What can we Create together? For ourselves and for the children that have since been born?  What can we create in this time of humankind.  What has that Felt Sense of Goodness.  For us,  for the Planet.  We are three  different women but we share the deepest core values by nature.   

                                                                                                  ~.~

which leads here.  When i began thinking about all this in earnest again,  after the kids left,  at first was the Huge Angst about Leaving this place.  It hurt.  This love runs deep.  But i woke one night wondering if….What if i did go.  What about the Toads and Lizards?   That have come to the Water over the years and made their worlds.  The worms.    And i was given the thought:  What if i were to install at least 2 sand point wells with solar pumps?  One for each oasis,  Front and Back?  I asked Bill, Alz B's son and yes.  i could.  And yes.  he would check them to keep everything in order.   There was huge relief.  Just that.   But then,  more.    Travis has been doing things to get stuff ready for this winter…like fixing that window.   New dog door is on the list.  Buck Hut.  He likes it here.  a lot.  So when he was here the other evening,  i asked him.  What would he think about living here if i did Go?  And not only did he say he would like that,  but that he would Love that.   It would be a different place, he works on cars, so there would be cars in the Albatros instead of Goats,  but he would run drip systems for the Plant People and he would honor the beings who live here.   Of course,  things can change.  He's young.  I think he's 31?  But Maybe.  Maybe it can happen.  It's that Magnetic Field again. From the beginning with Alz B and then on through the days with the Old Cowboy and then all the ways he has been able to help me do things here in this last year. So…Maybe.

and we get now to the thing of that conversation with friend Sydney about EFT….how i loved those two words….

Even though………………………

how since,  i love them more.  They open out a whole vast space of possibility.  They give the story that i have repeated over and over to myself…. space.  The story about how i can never leave.  

Even though my love for this Place is so Strong,   it is possible that i can now love somePlace else, too.

What if?