windthread

in a way,  the drawings come from the same place as Cloth.  But Cloth takes time.  Drawings are FAST, moments,  and they are There.  They begin with just the point of the pencil on the paper…no fore thought,  point of pencil on paper and they Go.  so this one,  a picture for me of the Inevitable.  OK.

My sense of my daughter and granddaughter is not normal.  I don't feel "motherly".  They,  to me,  are individual human beings.  We are no less and no more.  Really,  since their births.  All through their childhoods,  young womanhoods.  We are equal.

We have tried,  each of us,  in our own ways,  to DisConnect over time but it now is seeming at this point that there is something Inevitable about us.  OK.  

This goes back to the post of 8~8~2016…Things that don't go together but then somehow can.  The stories we tell ourselves.   Here,  the story of how i need to live alone.  Like,  totally alone.  Away from.

I am not good at keeping things to myself.  So I'll just tell it how it goes and we'll find out how it goes as it goes,  Together.  I am driven to Say Outloud what's happening,  even if it's just thoughts…but if the Thoughts are at the Center of Days,  they need to be spoken to allow Space.

So this is where we seem to be.  Drawn,  as in kind of magnetized into Something.  The Something being living 

Near

They are looking at land.  It would need to be a minimum of 10 acres.  Would be nice if there were more, but there's not enough money for that.  So…Ten.  Good Enough.  Each of us would have a corner of it.  There would be a common area in the middle.  

I am visualizing how it might be for me.  I sit and wait.  Eyes closed for something to come.  I see a deck.   I am sitting on this deck.  Tay lays a little distance away.  There are trees,  those Mountain Oak.  There is a path worn in the native grasses that goes Off and comes To.  Behind me,  attached to this deck is two rooms.  Small.  Maybe 12×12.  Haven't  "seen" them much yet, so i don't know.  Really, am not all that interested in them.  It's the deck that is important.  But…..i went back and looked for something i'd seen some months ago,  more than a year,  

Utube

DIY recycled pallet house with Ikea style assembly instructions.  Suzan Wines and Azin Valy.  ideal refugee housing in Kosovo.

this would be it.  Pallet house.  Because it would be in the "back" of the acres,  no electricity.  No sewer.  So daylight and compost toilet.  I'd need to go down that path to shower,  to use the computer maybe in the common area.  Also,  there i would cook.  I would cook for All of Us and this would be easy for me and good.  This is something i love.

The GOATS would be up there,  near the front,  near the common area.  I'd go,  with Tay,  to turn them OUT and walk with them.

Back where i am,  there would be chickens.  They need separate space from Goats.  Ok.

I Imagine them,  me sitting on that deck,  they,  coming, walking up that path…Jenny,  Alyssia,  the kids.  They will come.  We will figure stuff out.

It's a world of Climate Crisis.  This is the world they will inherit.  How do we go into that Together.

 

set into motion by Jude's post today….three….Jude Hill    Spirit Cloth

an eye     a small pile of rocks

 

double click and see how this eye is made just from graphite clinging to the tooth of the paper…fragments of graphite,  no lines really at all.  fragments.

 

today…a Vertical Wink

thinking today how some days,  i actually look forward to sleeping.  Night.   And i wondered,  because sleeping and night mean dreaming.  Dreaming means actually MORE going on than in any day,  so much,  so much "work" really,  so much needing to be accomplished  in the dreams,  but  as i thought about it, i realize that in the dreams,  there really is never resolution.   Just the going.  There is never an Outcome.  And in the dreaming,  it's not an issue.   But how in the day world,  there so often is an expected Outcome,   or a hoped for Outcome.  

How about if i was really mindful of this?  What would That be like?  Intellectually,  i get it.  But what if i really become mindful?  With Everything…..?????

 

end of August in the Pepper/ Eggplant bed.   

 

 

 

simultaneous on one single plant Being.

 

 

this is Kathy's work….there was a meeting,  i think it was Friday?  i really don't know without thinking about it,  but Friday is close enough.  Travis left a message that Camille who he knows was looking for persons to participate in a Peace Day and gave her #….she is the Director of the Subsidized Housing place in town…i don't know her,  or, didn't.  I'll get to.   Camille left a message.  Meeting.  So i went.  There were the three of us,  hence the International Peace Day Committee Coordinators……eeeee

There were/are some emails going back and forth.  Tomorrow i pick up some rendition of the above and my first task will be to contact and deliver to the 16 churches in town…16, how could that be?? but yes,  i have a list of 16.  And i have already called and had a great connection with the woman who is the Community Liaison for the College in town about coordinating with them and i am waiting for a call back from the Navajo Nation Alamo Reservation up and far beyond Magdalena.  

I wanted to be of Use.

and of course right now there are things that need to be done about the Old Cowboy's house that is just sitting there and papers to pick up and i go to pick them up and no one comes to the door of the office so i need to go do Something for a while then go back and

there was an ENORMOUS amount of Rain…Sky Water….from the storm yesterday,  everything Goat is soggy and they expect me to fix that,  somehow count on me to fix that

and i read Dee Mallon's blog post and that she is defending with Kidjo and laugh because i don't know how many times in the last couple days i have clicked it in the side bar,  gone to full screen and full blast and felt a reprieve

 

so this is me but for Some of Us,  not so much….double click in the center….this ONE,  creative and a First,  of having somehow created a centrifical swirl in the Feather Grass,  making a Perfect round place for sitting quietly and just looking.

 

 

I love

canning.  I love following oh so closely the directions and the rules.  Just love it.  I'd forgotten how much i love it.  It's been a while.

 

 

 

 

There is a mess.  As i type this,  i have heard that totally satisfying sound of   ……..   Tink…….the jars have sealed.  

OK.  5 sealed pint jars.  a 6th,  not quite enough…so it will go into the refrigerator  till tomorrow.  So much attention to detail.  So much timing.  5 pints.  The box i brought home actually would have been 15 pints at least but i waited too long and some started to "go".  Tonight i had to quit on the first go round because i didn't have enough ice to Blanch.  I love the blanching.  The heating and then

Plunging

into cold water.

Tap water this time of year is not so much cold,  not cold enough for a Plunge.  In order to keep it cold enough for just this much,  i put a container of frozen macaroni and cheese under the pot and then a frozen half chicken and what's left of a container of ice cream from the kids around the pot.  All the ice cubes.  Tomorrow…we'll see.  If i repeat the canning,  i'll get a bag of ice.   if i decide not to,  to just cook up a Vat of generic tomatoe sauce and FREEZE it….

but whatever way it goes.  it's Satisfying.  and gives me a good sense of what it might be like to harvest from the Garden all that would be needed for a whole year ahead.  I have the sense of that.  If i had no freezer.  If i had no store nearby.  To rely on this.  To NEED this.  

I like it, very much.

unclaimed apples

 

ready for morning

 

 

Our own definition of words….earnest….as in maybe sincere, whole hearted, effortful.

They speak without voices

 

look, They said look at this one, an older one,  how They could see the whole of the experience of the being,  not just the present, but the whole of the lifespan so far,  maybe the essence of this particular lifespan,   all of what brought it into this present beingness.  And They looked with a uhhhh, tenderness, a love…but here the words get sticky because they are human words, not "words"  these beings would have in their "language",  their language being more like a Sensing, which would be more whole and all inclusive than a language of words that hold many nuanced "definitions".  What They have is more whole.

It was that space between sleep and returning to consciousness.  I have been sleeping with a pillow between my legs…an idea i got from Alyssia because she sleeps with many pillows everywhere to ease the thing of the Lupus,  and i got the idea  some months ago because my knees are bony and i sleep in a fetal position, knee to knee but also turn a lot and stretch my legs and i notice that the pillow also seems to help with not waking to leg cramps?  Anyway,  i am in that delicate space and lying on my left side,  facing the door to the bedroom,  the wall that has the Green Tara Tapestry.  I am not awake.  And i extend my right leg all the way out and sense it to be ….long….very long…much longer than it is.  And my awareness goes "up"  to the ceiling where there are i think 3 of Them…They are not visible to the eye,  but clearly there and then i am somehow there,  looking down with Them and "me", also, lying there on the white sheets, that long leg outstretched.  It is barely becoming light outside.  They are simply Observing and kind of noting what They observe with one another,  this old female human being and there is this sense that the word,  if They used words,  the word they would use to note this one, would be Earnest.   If they spoke with words and aloud,  They would have "said"….Look…Look at this one,  an old female.  Look how Earnest.  and they would note it,  because that is their purpose,  to witness humankind,  take note of how it's all Going here on this planet,  then move on.  Kind of like how the angels were in the library in that so excellent Wim Wenders movie  Wings of Desire.  Like that.  

So i could feel the "tenderness" of Their observing and also feel how it was to be the one being observed with tenderness and such a kind of inclusive of everything love,  larger than any kind of love i know.  

It has stayed with me,  3 days now.  If i become very still and close my eyes i can still feel it a little.  

 

My friend Sydney had  emailed me,  wondering if i was familiar with EFT earlier that day.  Emotional Freedom Technique,  sometimes called Tapping.  Yes.  And i had worked on the thin thin thread thin legs of the butterflies on the cloth that day.   In EFT,  while tapping meridians,  the affirmation is stated…."Even tho……………………..fill in the blank.  Even tho i am very sad, anxious, angry,  whatever.  "Even tho i………..,  I deeply and completely love and accept myself"  So…maybe this was the result of those two things?????  i don't know.  But i don't want to let go of the experience yet.  There is more to say,  but this is enough for now.

Off and on great Electrical Storms,  Wind is cool and so welcome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

this scrap.  No matter where you put it,  it's BeautyFull.  Maybe that's why i so love how Jude has taught me,  stitching cloth,  stitching scraps of cloth,  ….  it's earnest devotion to the work and the work earnestly gives back.

 

 

Growing.  

 

Grew.  These Grew.  Partly me and Partly them.   Learning.  Learning is Growing,  Growing is Learning.  What i know from this particular year of growing is that it's true.  IF    IF you give water,  in accordance to the happenings of the season,  it is good enough.  No need for extensive drip system.  GO OUT THERE,  twice a day if it seems right and GIVE water.  These Bell Peppers…just some bigger than baseballs…YES!!!!  look at them.  Fine and just so so Great.   

With the let up of the Heat,  the remaining tomato plants are producing.  Eggplants continue to give more than enough…enough to give away.  So i learned.  All is well.  All manner of things shall be well.

Hildegaard de Bingen

Growing.  Growing my Self.  I grow kids.  I grow myself/Goats/Dog/Cat  i grow Love.  I grow commitment, determination, Joy.  I grow learning Cloth,  Making Cloth.  Growing.