windthread

 

 

Adrienne Rich via Ms. Uncertainty Principles

 

 

don't know if it will work.  Following the shadows of the wrinkles with single strand split back stitch

I am not wanting to pull or push myself

away

but rather remain in that moment watching the dark shape at first un~understood,  the approach, passing and settling softly

at eye level,  all at eye level    where i am sitting,   the flight, the settling,  at eye level

the flight from out there somewhere, into the house yard in the searing heat, the stark light of mid day to see then it as Moth that flew like a manta ray 

in slow motion.

Wanting still, to remain in that moment, that true and real parallel reality until i know just some small thing that i can hang onto.

 

a smaller image,  so the double click gives more

 

Lightened,  so we can see her BeautyFULL EYE

I am still here.  in the moment that this Being appeared to me, for me.  This has deep meaning.

about 4 inches.  Wingspan much wider.   

wingspan

 

ADDENDUM at Dusk

Cicada,  Chicharra in spanish.  MANY, oh so MANY in Doris' Snake Tree,  by the gate.

sometimes Feelings that are like this.

 

They returned Thursday night,  Fate had been in the car seat from California.  He drummed for Us.

 

Tay thought he was the most wonder Full thing imaginable.

 

they slept

 

we spent the day Together,  but in a way,  each in our own thoughts.  Alyssia carries the diagnosis of Lupus.  Sometimes it's hard for her.  But she just Goes.  Jeff, Fate and Destiny were off to Michigan for a wedding in that part of the family.  Alyssia and Julian dropped off  first at the train station in Albuquerque,  back to California,  stopping a while in Fresno…..the Going.  the multiple Goings.

and very suddenly,  they were gone.

there was silence.  Only Wind.

 

i woke in the night.  went out.  sat.  

 

today i am at a loss.  Unable to get back to Before Them.   Where am I now?, After Them????  The weeks became a forever, an All There Is.  and it was Outside,  everything was Out Side.

i feel mute.  Sometimes Blank.   the constant motion has become completely Still.

Tay lays by the gate,  just in case.  Just in case they come back.

 

my World here remains.  and is Even More,  from this time.  But they are in my head.  My children.

My children are in my head.

 

 

 

this is the FIRST time since July 3 that it has been

quiet

in the late day,  evening.

 

there was a separation.  You go here.  You go there.  and what was chaos became in some moments, quiet.  Julian fell instantly asleep.  Destiny thrashed  but then amazingly was asleep.  Somewhere before dusk.  They sleep still.  Earlier,  for whatever reason,  i said to them,  I have a name.  It's grace. Call me that.  grace.  I am worn out of Old Nana.  Call me grace.  

the plumbing of the shower broken.  The oscillating fan broken.  The cooler sort of broken…the float….and i bought one today and tried to replace the new but couldn't remove the old and ended up once again calling Travis who came,  how great he doesn't have a regular job in the moment, he came and muscled the old one out, all the sediment cementing the parts and as i watched i forgave self for not being successful at doing it,  there was no way

and today,  after the day of the snake which i'm pretty sure was a Coachwhip…you can google….today, from the coral berry bush, across,  a juvenile Skink,  which you can also google…black body,  cobalt blue tail…and again i am stunned by the gift of it,  by how they seem to be coming,  all of them,  so many praying mantis,  the finches less than a foot overhead,  this skink,  the snake

asylum

 

 

 

they have created a Third Room.

 

the Flag to their Third Room.  They wanted me to take a picture.

 

Earlier,  when Destiny was in time out and Julian was doing something,  Tay and i were just Out.  My Brain saw something it wasn't able to identify as part of everything here…by the gate….and Tay and i approached to within less than a foot and it was a snake.  A snake.  A snake that had Come IN,  was still.  Tay and i moved closer,  inches,  and it was still.   I extended my hand and it was still Still for a mil lisecond until it turned and went back out through the fence.  

i am beyond on my knees for this,  that a snake would come,  would come mid day,  would sense safety,  would sense asylum from Heat.  It was maybe 3 ft.  a young one.   I am hoping beyond hope that it returns tonight.  I have filled "bowls" with water…for it's tongue.

 

 

 

 

 

There was excitement.  Hummingbirds came.  Dragonflies.

 

 

Winter Bitch again.  She rules what's happening.

 

i used the hose to spray the Old Apricot…pretend rain….wet.  Too Many.  Too Much Heat. Too Many

100 degrees days.