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    Where do Days     go?    How you wake up and it's still dark,  and your mind is full of things for the day and then quite Suddenly,  Sun is heading for the Rim….it's Over.  The Day.  The day is over.  Gone.  Done.   Where did it Go?

    i had a little HeadList of stuff….knowing that it gets dark so soon.  Already having about 2 hrs less than my body likes.   I like it when it gets Dark at 9.  Well…too bad, grace.   I went to get eggs today and lucky for me,  the chickens there are still working on some kind of Egg Time and they had a good dozen to spare me.  But soon,  that won't be the case.   I always wonder if i should get some chickens.  But if i did,  there would be the BackSide of having Eggs,  that they would camp out on the Goat Feed that i buy and shit on it and so it would become unhealthy for the Goats,  so i have to think it Out.  Point A to Point B and all the inbetween…so,  i will keep just thinking about it all  till it suddenly becomes Dark and i can go to sleep and Dream stuff which requires no thinking,  just watching and responding.  But no thinking.

    And i DID get good places with the Cloth today.  So many possibilities but this is what Cloth and I ended up with for now.  The Roots are next and that's totally Unknown but Tomorrow to begin that.

    And i talked a long time to the Old Cowboy on the phone,  he is worried so much.  What will happen?,   he wonders.  What will happen if he Gives UP and moves in with the Ify Relatives?  And we talked about how that is just a total Unknown and how it's also very appropriate for his Moment in Life…so much, just totally Unknown and how you Just Go anyway with your best guess

     

  • I'll be thinking about this for a while now.  

    I know i don't have too much.   Do i have more than enough?, or Just enough.  I have no Need.

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    Tay likes to press her face into things that she likes.  Me,  other things.  She wanted very much to press her face into Maria's Cloths.   I told her No.

     

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    and as it is with her,  her Question is WHY?   She never just takes No for an answer

     

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    Like, really.  Why Not,  she asks

     

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    and then it goes further…her question of Why Not?,    until it gets to the point of me thinking,  well, i don't know….and so she presses her face.

     

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    so SLOW in coming, but i think today it came.  Roots.  Roots.  ok.

     

     

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    yes.  Martha says they ARE scarlet runner.  She says take as many as you would like.  They were prolific.   i am still looking at these few.   In this more clear pic,  they are what they really are.  Just so well,,,,,Fine.    And in the spirit of the rest of this post,  i think how the mother plants climbing Martha's fence just went.   They just Grew and made beans.  Not thinking to keep some to themselves and giving some.  They just grew.   A LOT of thought about how Plants just go.

    and then, there is This.

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    Maria, or,  2  asked if she could send a cloth she had dyed with plants from her garden.  

    that was the initial question and i of course said , yes.   And yesterday this BOX came from Belgium or the Netherlands and i say this because i am an ignorant American with so little knowledge of the rest of the world.    This box

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    i opened it.   What spilled out was beyond anything i could have imagined.  It has taken almost two days to really SEE what was within.

     

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    at first she was not wanting it to be pictured here,  saying it was a personal gift,  but then she said

    "ok.   when you put it on the blog

    just for share it.

    just for say thanks to All of Them

    from who the idea was coming even the pictures was given

    to the world

    love them All    in the same spirit."

    This is Maria,  or 2 as her comments identify her.

    I emailed her again this afternoon, to see if it was ok to put more,  but alas,  she was sleeping,  being there so far away across a great ocean,  across a great time

    so here,  just this one more because i can't help myself

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    LOOK.    LOOK  at ALL OF THIS.   Maria, 2,  and her friend Margriet,  who is 89 years and i mention this because it has meaning to me…being almost 69 years,  …..They bundled and steamed and let sit in the Sun…"have put plants on the rag.   No rag anymore, …..cloth"

    and Maria sent.   I look.  This is enough cloth for me for a lifetime that i have left.  Enough.  WAY Enough.   and LOOK,  i say to self.  What would I have sent?   Maybe a piece or two.  Maybe three.

    But LOOK.   I really can't believe my eyes.  

     

     

     

     

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    Today was such a Great Day that really,  only very small stuff makes sense.  These are beans from my work place yesterday.  all over Martha's garden's fence are vines with so MANY bean pods.  I took a few and left her a note asking what they are.   Really,  i can't imagine anything so FINE as these beans….3 to a pod….all shining as if they had been Polished.   Shining.  Glossy.  Shining.  There were so many things today,  i need to just let them be still.  Let myself be still.  

    Goodness.

  • i went to work today in San Antonio.  I've said all this before,  but to say again,  it's up on the mesa.  They have many acres of land.  The house itself they built.  Not many rooms,  but all very Large.  A windmill.   No one is ever home when i go there,  so my relationship with the house itself is intimate.  I see the people maybe once a year.  It's just them,  their dogs, horses, some outside cats.  A garden.  The land.   Mid cleaning,  i sat on their step and just felt it all.   That this is the home they built for themselves to live their lives in.   All around is high desert mesa….sand,  rocks,  creosote, some pine,  some trees they have planted, but not many.  The land is in a natural state.   I don't know what i am thinking about it.  It's just a feltsense right now.

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    there is Change.  Some kind of Loosening.

     

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    and behind this bud,  could it be there is another smaller one?…i think so

     

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    i haven't seen this little cherub for i have no idea how many years.  Tay must have found it.

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    How SUN came,  this Morning

    Reading more.    And i will say   that if you don't want everything you think to come into question,  then maybe don't read.   Everything comes into Question.  

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    i can't get the true colors.  

     

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    so we are still Waiting

     

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    i realized that i hadn't taken a pic of Its Whole Self.   About 3ft tall, give or take

     

     

  • couldn't quit connect directly with Anything at All

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    way down there i kept being drawn to that basket tray on the wall.  Everytime my attention drifted from the computer screen,  i would look off to the left and that's where my gaze settled

     

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    but throughout the day,  i could never find light that would give the good image on the basket.  I just wandered.

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    looking at the snake tree pods on the Altar,

     

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    here they are on Doris' tree

     

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    the russian sage…fuzzy pic,  but oh well

     

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    ever more grasshopper sex

     

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    something New….the hull of an eggplant…completely hollowed out….????  just the petrified skin

     

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    the pile of mostly Pigweed.  Almost dry enough to burn

     

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    what's left of last year's fire wood

     

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    the Old Apricot Tree.  What????????????? is happening here.  No longer can i avoid looking.  Like, the whole left of the tree has died.  The right, near the house is fine.  WHAT IS THIS?  and really, there's no way to know till spring.  What comes back, does.  What doesn't come back, doesn't.  I looked up lifespans of trees on Google and Apricot Trees have a "medium" lifespan.  But they give no numbers…what does medium mean?   And this is true too, of the Mexican Elderberry.  Is 20 years OLD?

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    i fooled around with cloth.  Tea dye of some muslin.   Tried some bleach on other chemical dye pieces with very odd and unexpected results.

    An odd day.  Just an odd day.

     

     

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    go to check the bud and no obvious change,  but i linger looking,  looking at the Whole plant, SUN FLOWER plant because there is some change in color,  more than variations of green,  but maybe it's the slant of the Sun?  

     

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    droplets in other places and two of the ants…DOING something ….together…..i can't tell what.  Were these droplets there yesterday and i just didn't see them?  or are they NEW today?

     

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    i saw dots on this leaf as Sun illuminated it,  turned it over and………..HERE……….ants and  APHIDS………something in the Rolodex about this…ants and aphids,  how ants "farm" aphids….

    Did the aphids eat the hole in the leaf or is it as i originally thought, grasshoppers?   There was a grasshopper sitting by the bud.  I pushed it away.  Should i have?

     

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    i stood on the futon couch to put the Cloth here,  in collaboration with Tay's art….and found self face to face with an entire ecosystem of its own….cobweb spiders had made a literal wonderland on the Treasure Shelf which pushed me over the edge and i 

    Cleaned.

    Vacuumed up miles of webbing  throughout this small house.  Miles.  And even though i did no hand dusting,  the level of vibration ROSE so much.   How Light everything felt.

     

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    when dusting in the Room,  over in the corner by the windows,   this Cloth i made WAY back in the beginning of the Jude Time.   It's hung there in the corner because i  liked it, i  thought,  but it has been waiting, i think now.  It was before i really understood much about all that i have learned from Jude.   

     

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    i saw something new in it today,   but something that has always wanted expression,  and something i am being about to give understanding to because of reading this book.  It's the Shared Eye.    That is really what is happening here.  Not MY eye,  but a Seeing,  that is shared.  When i look,  there is a looking back.   Mutual.  and so, this "looking",  or,  recognizing,  can be represented by a Shared Eye.   ???????????

     

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    and then there are those Other kinds of Eyes,  that are drawn with ink,  that are equally important to me to express a sense of Being Seen,  by the All of It.   

    Both kinds of Eyes.  Both kinds of Seeing,  and the thing that i call Me,  looking.

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    there are more of these droplets today.  Smaller than that first one.   And there was an ant,  the smallest ant i have ever seen,  just well,  smaller than any ant imaginable,  busy.  Maybe the droplets  are to attract the ants?,  as with Peonies????  but there was just one,  but then,  it is late in the day.  The bloom remains very silent.  Closed.  Still.   I sit next to it.  Still.

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    Reading the book i understood that these drawn Eyes i am drawn to represent to me the Entity of the Whole that we are here…the Consciousness,  the Awareness,  the well,  Entity of the Whole that we are.  Earth, sand, insects, plants, animals, attending microbes and deep earth creatures, birds, lizards, snakes,  that which is called Air,  that which is called Weather,  water both from under and over this Space,  the Consciousness that responds to Moon and Sun,  to Season.   i am included in animals because that is what i am.   i accept this as the truth.  it is the truth.  And stones.  Rocks.  which are Earth too,  but changed Earth.  There is great great comfort  in these words.  A quiet.

     

    And from the book.

    "As with all self-organized systems, plants continually monitor their internal and external worlds for informational/functional shifts in the relevant fields.  If they are focusing externally, once they note a shift, they work to identify its nature and meaning, and its likely impact on their functioning.  Then they craft a response.

    Plants continually monitor every aspect of their environment:  spatial orientation; presence, absence, and identity of neighbors;  disturbance: competition; predation, whether microbial, insect , or animal;  composition of atmosphere; composition of soil; water presence, location, and amount;  degree of incoming light; propagation, protection, and support of offspring  (yes, they recognize kin); communications from other plants in their ecorange;  biological oscillations, including circadian;  and not only their own health but the health of the ecorange in which they live.  As Anthony Trewavas comments,  this "continually and specifically changes the information spectrum" to which plants are attending.

    That's a brilliant phrase, "information spectrum, " and its deeper meanings deserve to be teased out a bit.  It reflects the truth that every living organism is immersed in a bath of sensory inflows every moment of their lives.  Every part of those sensory inflows contain depth information about what is going on around that organism;  the sensory inflows are in fact encodings of meanings, communications from the complexity of the scenario in which the organism is embedded.  And the use of the word "spectrum" is, well, brilliant.  Just as light can be separated into a spectrum of colors,  each with different impacts,  so too the bath of sensory inflows is a spectrum of simultaneously occuring informational inputs, each of which can be teased apart and focused upon should the part of the organism that gates sensory data indicate it is important enough to do so.  In one of his most insightful statements, Trewavas comments that, in general,  "There is no unique speparate response to each signal in this complex  [of informational inflows] but merely a response issued from an integration of all environmental and internal information. "  In other words,  unless there is an informational inflow that the plant's sensory gating mechanisms identify as crucial to respond to.

    such as extensive leaf damage from spider mites which will stimulate the plant to focus more specifically

    the plant normally does not use any form of linear cause and effect processing of data.  It integrates the entire informational inflow that surrounds it into one holistic gestalt at each and every moment in time and generates a response that comes out of a unique,  and very important , state of being.

    ~and the next is in italics

    It is actually a kind of dreaming                                                                                                                                            And not the kind of dreaming you are thinking about either                                                                                   But a different kind of dreaming entirely                                                                                                                         (It's like the dreaming you do when you are reading this book)                                                                              That dreaming is the central core of what this book is about.                                                                                 It is the kind of dreaming that Goethe was engaged in.                                                                                               When he learned about plant metamorphosis                                                                                                                 And Luther Burbank when he looked deep into the plant                                                                                        and saw every environment its ancestors had ever lived in                                                                                      And the same kind that Barbara McClintock did                                                                                                           when she watched individual chromosomes in corn shift their structure                                                           It is the same state of mind that writers enter when they create worlds                                                              It is also how Gaia dreams the world into being                                                                                                            And it is the kind of dreaming you can do, too, if you wish,                                                                                     If you decide to walk through the doors of perception                                                                                               And find out what is on the other side "

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • split wood

    bring enough In.  Bring in newspapers from the Albatros for starting FIRE.

    Rake up scraps in Nogal and Tenzen's yard and fling over fence near the Compost.   The recent Alfalfa has a lot of dried stems which they don't eat.  They pick out the good stuff and leave the rest.  I am noticing that the ground is RISING, incrementally.  Need to regularly rake and move.

    Bring in Mouse Live Trap and set with peanut butter.

    Scrub water bowls with Vinegar.

    Take down laundry, fold and put away.

    CHECK.

    and then i Read some.  From the book a quote of Michael Crichton:

    "Even more important is the way complex systems seem to strike a balance between the need for order and the imperative for change.  Complex systems tend to locate themselves at a place we call "the edge of chaos."  We imagine the edge of chaos as a place where there is enough innovation to keep a living system vibrant, and enough stability to keelp it from collapsing into anarchy.  It is a zone of conflict and upheaval, where the old and new are constantly at war.  Finding the balance point must be a delicate matter….if a living system drifts too close, it risks falling over into incoherence and dissolution;  but if the system moves to far away from the edge,  it becomes rigid, frozen, totalitarian.  Both conditions lead to extinction….Only at the edge of chaos can complex systems flourish."

    and then the following from Buhner:  "That threshold line, that edge between anarchy and frozen rigidity, is not a like a fence line,  it is a fractal line;  it possesses nonlinearity.  It is, in fact,  much like a coastline, and like a coast line its exact orientation in space and time ebbs and flows.  At the moment the  threshold is crossed, at the moment when self-organization occurs, the new living system enters a state of dynamic equilibrium.   From that point on,  the self-organized system retains an elegant sensitivity to that threshold point…."

    I LOVE THIS BOOK.

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    Spent some hours, mid day, stitching.  Invisible Baste.  Much of the Grub's Dream…around the meandering of the edges of the eyelet.   Small small small.   And it stitched down the dark  walnut dyed Compost,  checking as i went if it was still strong cloth which it is.  Only a few small pieces pulled away.    And all the while i entertained a familiar Question of whether or not it's "OK" to not Decorate a Cloth with additional stitching if it seems that just the cloth scraps and the invisible baste tell the Story?????    And i had to ask the question:  By whose or What standards?

     

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    I haven't gotten that far in the book.  And most likely by the time i do,  a Frost will have come.  This SunFlower may never reach a point of bloom.  I think about this.  It's from those last few seeds i planted, knowing this.  So i sit next to it.  Just sit.  Thinking how i so cavalierly took the chance with it's life,  instead of waiting till the next spring.