windthread

thinking a lot about context.  and how i don't provide it.   How the context for things is in my mind as a running commentary but when i put things here,  i put them without context.   Part of that is because i write these things at the End of Days when i am uhhhh,  quiet of words, for the most part.  But am wondering if that is a good idea.

 

i won't know, until i have finished here,  if what i can see in the Picasa file is also seen here.   

ADDENDUM:    Yes.  if you double click,  you can see it.  Do you see it?….the Dimension of this web??????   How so totally Astounding that it is seen this way………..it's not "nothing"….it's Very Much Something Amazing….the dimensions that it truly IS.   How can i see this and not just be totally blown away?   How can i see this and not be on my knees stunned?

 

the Light.  and under the Light is one of the Orbs.   There is no explanation for these.  They are Phenomenon.  They are Real also.  so…Real Phenomenon.   And i have been thinking how i just see them,  in the pics i put here.   Just kind of acknowlege their existence …and leave it.  Why?  Why do i just leave it?   Thinking about this.

 

 

 

these are tears…tares…tears in the curtain that is just in front of me as i sit at this computer everyday.    I look at them a lot.   Admire them.   And i am thinking of the Weave of the fabric that is a Curtain.  I like this a Lot.

 

Things go Well with Tay.   we come to know more about EachOther.  
We come to learn what is necessary here.

I think of the term Familiar.   Just thinking of it, right now.  Familiar.  
She is a Familiar?

and What Context would i put that in?   Again…context.

some loose ends i want to go Back to,  Touch and tie in.  But not tonight.  The day was Big enough.

Am sitting here naked in the heat.

This truck sort of belongs to me.  Sort of.   It's title is in my name,  i pay the insurance.  But it still lives at the Old Cowboy's house.  As long as he is there.  But today i drove it to pick up the stove.

 

Here we are.    The first stove i have ever bought.    In all my 68 years.  First stove.   There is 

Simmer.

 

Simmer,  on all four burners.  Simmer.  The first time for Simmer in maybe 20 or more years?  How so Great is this?    ALL four burners work.   How so Great is That?   a Luxury,  beyond Luxury.   In an email Marti points out that i name my vehicles and she thinks i should name the stove…she thinks i should name this sleek stove…..Sabine.   And so it is.  Sabine.  ok.  and yes, ok.

i watch the water tonight.   How it flows from the hose.  Watch it.  Closely.

day   Tay    Tay day

I figured out what it is about her,  about her herself and her Here.  It's that everything is NEW.  to her.  and because she is such a Huge Energy,  every thing is also new to all of Us.  and so,  We are New.

We are New.

the cloth that was forgotten in the Walnut vat

 

 

new ground cloths.  Tea and Onion skin

 

and……………..Word from the Love Letter.  You may remember, we last saw her on the dock in Florida.   Well.   Here we are today…she is kayaking on Spruce Creek.  Just as Karen said she would be.

 

 

 

i look.  i look long at these emailed photographs.   I close my eyes and "see"  the cloth i made, remembering stitching this Cloth…remembering touching this Cloth.   And then i envision this…this Cloth on the tip of the kayak….Spruce Creek…the sensual fullness of it.  How exquisite this is.  How so totally amazing.   Feeds my understanding of How Things Are.

 

Dogs.   What exactly are Dogs?

" Is it possible to grow a worthy cosmology by attending closely to our encounters with other creatures, and with the elemental textures and contours of our locale?   We are by now so accustomed to the cult of expertise that the very notion of honoring and paying heed to our directly felt experience of things…of insects and wooden floors, of broken down cars and bird-pecked apples and the scents rising from the soil…seems odd and somewhat misguided as a way to find out what's worth knowing.  According to assumptions long held by the civilization in which I've been raised, the deepest truth of things is concealed behind the appearances , in dimensions inaccessible to our senses.  A thousand years ago these dimensions were viewed in spiritual terms: the sensuous world was a fallen, derivative reality that could be understood only by reference to heavenly realms hidden beyond the stars.  Since the powers residing in such realms were concealed from common perception, they had to be mediated for the general populace by priests, who might intercede with those celestial agencies on our behalf.

In recent centuries an abundance of discoveries and remarkable inventions have transformed this culture's general conception of things…and yet the basic disparagement of sensuous reality remains.  Like an old, collective habit very difficult to kick, the directly sensed world is still explained by reference to realms hidden beyond our immediate experience.  Such a realm, for example, is the microscopic domain of axons and dendrites, and neurotransmitters washing across neuronal synapses…a dimension entirely concealed from direct apprehension, yet which presumably precipitates, or gives rise to every aspect of our experience.  Another such dimension is the redondite realm hidden within the nuclei of our cells, wherein reside the intricately folding strands of DNA and RNA the ostensible  code and perhaps even "cause" the behavior of living things.  Alternatively, the deepest source and truth of the apparent world is sometimes held to exist in the subatomic realm of quarks, mesons, and gluons (or the still more theoretical world of vibrating ten-dimensional strings);  or perhaps in the initial breaking of symmetries in the cosmological "big bang" an event almost inconceivably  distant in time and space.  

Every one of these arcane dimensions radically transcends the reach of our unaided senses.  Since we have no ordinary experience of these realms, the essential truths to be found there must be mediated for us by experts, by those who have access to the highpowered instruments and the inordinately expensive technologies (the electron micropscopes, functional MRI scanners, radio telescopes, and supercolliders) that might offer a momentary glimpse into these dimensions.  Here, as before, the sensuous world….the creaturely world directly encountered by our animal senses …is commonly assumed to be a secondary, derivative reality understood only by reference to more primary domains that exist elsewhere, behind the scenes."

David Abram in   Becoming Animal      An Earthly Cosmology

Beginning this book again.  Watching over and over the BBC and Nat Geo documentaries of the Wild Dogs of Africa on U Tube.  Watching these Wild ones.  Now, looking at Dogs and Goats.  

and this morning,  beginning to ready the cloth to ship out,  i am caught by this "solar flair, flare" and see how it is WEAVE.   Considering Jude Hill's Considering Weave,  i look and am taken by it.  I did not weave anything,  but this small fragment of a piece of Deb Lacativa's dyed recycled damask is really,  maybe the central point of this Cloth?  it and the small black and white wisp that to me is Animal.  All Animal,  including me.  Animal,  looking UP… Continuing…in it's own small but singular way….
So…a Delay in the sending.  I need to look for a while more.  Need to understand the place this small weave has in this Big Picture.  Need to really take that in and understand what i can of the beingness of cloth,  how it is woven into what we just take for granted as cloth,  but is really,

Weave.   

 

first…..

 

a correction.  I got an email from Hilda who lives in Willard, NM which is just as much in the middle of nowhere as this is,  maybe even more,  and Hilda is who helped me identify the HUGE grasshopper last year as a Lubber.  Hilda pointed out that this is NOT lavender,  but rather Russian Sage.   And i Laughed,  because somewhere down the line, a long time ago i knew that,  but had just kept referring to it as Lavender in my mind until,  well,  i guess,  it became Lavender.  But it's NOT.  It's Russian Sage.   THANK YOU HILDA!!!!   I love how even tho i might not have a clue,  things are being kept track of here and noted and ….cleared up.  Smile and Happiness.

and then

i received a very nice note from Sue at Colourmart saying that this COBWEB silk is no longer offered as it was not a popular weight.  How WonderFULL was that…a response overnight even tho it wasn't what i'd hoped????????????????   so, ok.  don't know now what.   

 

 

Tay BARKED during the night and i got up….turned the "porch light" (for what it's worth, not much ) on…it looked like this

Finished.  Ready to mail.

 

and i realized that it wasn't at all the White at the very top edge.  I really like that a LOT.  it's like Clouds.    But rather it was the moment of transition from the blue to the orangyyellow.  So.

and for a while,  i'd had the feeling that there was something on the Rolodex that was important.   I had seen something on TV many years ago,  MANY,  about Wild Dogs of Africa.   And i remembered, prompted by the Rolodex that somewhere around was a National Geographic i had kept about them.  The Nat Geo did not refer to the thing i saw on TV which was overwhelmingly touching and difficult and BEAUTY FULL,  but it was what i had.  So i hunted it down.

 

 

 

and there are HUGE differences,  the first being that the Wild Dogs of Africa are not dogs at all but an individual species that we see as dog like.  And two,  i don't mean to romantisize Ta y.  She's a dog.   But she has behaviors that take me back to these Beings….the mouthing,  the pack intensity,  the long stick like legs interwoven with bodies, heads and legs.   I see what i was looking for…that if she could have it Her Way,  we would be like this.  This pic above which is how the pack CELEBRATES  at the end of the day….  

and it helps me with understanding what i am asking of her when i say No Bite,  No Feet!   How i am asking her to stop expressing something that is very strong inside her that has total different meaning to her and to me.

 

 

 

no pics.  just words.  I did something.   I went Out and it is still very very hot.   And Tay had parked herself in the bathroom.   It wasn't even dusk.  Too soon to park oneself in the bathroom.  So i went to get her,  with that black leash she hauls around with her.  Brought her OUTSIDE and i don't know why i did it, but i Opened the Big gate and took her out.  We walked….her all Wired smelling, listening, tasting, seeing,  All totally Wired and we walked around the periphery of the place here,  around back and over and through the abandoned place next door back around to the gate and Chinche had taken advantage of an open gate as she sometimes will and was wondering over across the road and for whatever reason,  i just let go of Tay's leash and OFF she went…over, here, there, over there and here Fast and Running and Chinche was just snuffling about across the road and they WENT….of their own accord.   Finally,  someone popped a firecracker far down the road and Tay whizzed home and i got her leash and we went to find Chinche who was nosing around at the end of the fence and we all came back.  Now,  gate is closed.  But everything is DIFFERENT.  Tay is back in the bathroom,  but Chinche is somewhere in the Room and Tazmeena, cat, is lying on Chinche's bed.   Everything has changed.  Just with this one single thing.   It's all rearranging like a Kaliedoscope.  We'll see what tomorrow is like.

 

and where i work, this every other Monday,  is a weaver.  She weaves very delicate silk things.  A while back she'd given me some thread scraps that she wasn't going to use and i am running out.  I  can see the cones they came from but can't navigate the website to actually Order some.  If there is anyone out here who can help me out,  i'd appreciate it Enormously

 

what the cone looks like

 

this should do it.  but whenever i try to find this on their website,  no dice.    This color and then a Light Camel,  i can use over and over pretty much anywhere and it's wonder FULL to stitche with.  Works with almost everything and saves me on the embroidery floss.  Hoping someone will KNOW.

 

same woman is a horsewoman, a musician, a geologist and a GARDNER SUPREME

 

every year i wait to see these

 

and their windmill that Breathes water UP from inside the Earth

 

and many thread beads.  Many more needed.   But outside that mystery scrap on top left,  it's done.

ANOTHER FINE DAY FOR TAY.

 

 

 

 

so i tried to go slow today.   I had that intent in mind right from the start and whenever i found self hustling along as is my usual way,  i stopped.   Stood still.   And reminded self that i was going to go SLOW.    Aside from the usual OutSide things to be done,  i finally cleaned off the table in the Room.   Ever since the kids were here,  and then Through Tay's 3 weeks,  it's been a tangle of cloth scraps, thread,  papers, and things like this

 

 

an oh so weathered piece of cottonwood bark from the Goats climbing stump….the complexity of it is a complete mystery to me….how something like this actually Grows,  is green,  viable at some point…i cannot comprehend.

 

and on the way home from Alz. B.,  i stopped at the Walnut Tree to see how it's going and they have begun to fall.   This many today.   Now,  everyday when i am in town,  i'll collect more.  Half for me and half for Marti.  

 

and while i was cleaning the Table…sorting scraps,  threads,  pins, needles,  pencils,  pens and on,  Tay spent her time looking through the cloth baskets.  There are  7 she has easy access to and she nosed through them,  sniffing sniffing sniffing,  turning over and moving through the contents and Lo and Behold,  she found my most LONG FAVORITE clothing label.   It's like a koan.  I still don't know what was intended.  But i love it very much.  and the end, the bottom,  it says:  You made the right choice".   

 

and even tho going SLOW,  just now there was still time.   So we considered the dye table.  Here you see her checking out the large Walnut vat from last season.  She wanted to get into it but i told her it would stain her teeth.

 

table a MESS

 

 

big vat that is enamel and small that is cast iron.   Combined them into the big vat for now.  Added water.  I think there is still potency there.

 

 

 

 

Stuff

 

in one of the jars,  a bundle.  

 

turned out to be some blooms of the Vitex,  or Chaste Tree.  Everything here makes brown and green.  What do i expect?,   i wonder.

 

Something needs to be in this upper Left edge.   It hasn't shown up yet.  So, we wait.

 

I called Dorothy,  the Animal Shelter woman from whom i got Tay.  Gave her an update.   And exchanged story again.   Heard again how she had acquired Tay…at the County Fair last year when a woman  came up to the Animal Shelter booth holding a very very young puppy.   At best,  just weaned.  Saying that there was a woman walking through the crowd with an armfull of puppies and just handing them to people and going off.  She was handed this puppy.  But didn't WANT a puppy.  Handed it instead to Dorothy at the Shelter booth.  Who took her home.   This is all that is known.

and i find it interesting that sometimes,  like i do with the Goats,  i speak to her in sounds,  not words.    And i have found myself speaking to Tay in sounds that sound like the Navajo language.  Soft shushing sounds.  She listens to these.  Looking up at me.   Did she come from Alamo?,  the Navajo Rez that is part of our  world here?  Maybe.

What of a LOT of conversation that Dorothy and i had that was most interesting and significant was that both of us were Surprised and Interested in the fact that she doesn't seem to respond at all to "praise".   GOOD GIRL is totally lost on her.   This also connects to the seeming fact that she is not interested in being a good dog in the usual sense.  There seems rather to her to be a willingness to understand how to FIT.   Love and so forth don't seem to play into it.   She would like to fit.  She is willing to accomodate that if and when she can.   If she is not able to,  she will simply continue to just go as she knows how.    So we agreed that she is not the usual dog.   Dorothy said and i smiled, that she seems to be just Evolving.  Who knows what might come of it.   And i have to agree.  And so we Go.  But today was day Three.   And it was calm enough to take stock.    And imagine going Forward.  Into What, we don't know.  But we will Just Go.  It was a very very Good day.

 

 

Woke this morning and was going about in kitchen and looked at the compost strainer on the counter and was caught up in the COLOR of the corn husks that had held the Tamale that i ate yesterday.  So just went quick and picked up a piece of Deb Lacativa's damask and stitched them on in a Weave.  How GOOD this was,  how Satisfying.    It's only for the moment,  will be taken apart,  but just to DO it,  to LOOK at it!…,  the Pleasure and Satisfaction in it the Play.

 

and i look at it on the Wall.  I look at the Wall.  Look.  and dog Tay is quiet and i can Look.  This is GOOOOOOD.

 

hollyhock seed bowls.  How magical they are

 

lavender for the beez

 

it's close to Enough.  it's Good too.  Stuff is good.  Good enough.

and on Michelle's blog,  Ms.Uncertainty Principles….Mscomfortzone.blogspot.com   a quote from John Blofeld who i have loved for so long……..

"What is needed is to direct one's attention to the present,  thinking,   "This is how things are,  what is to be done about them?"

from Bodhisattva of Compassion    The Mystical Tradition of Kuan Yin

 

 

i'll save the best for last.

 

young Mimosa

 

Hollyhock Eaters.  i think a male and female…slight difference in coloring….

 

 

Native Olive…an abundance for the birds

 

 

these three pics were taken last eve before Tay had her Thing.  So i looked at them this morning and then looked all over in the direction of her attention.  Could see nothing out of the ordinary.  But then,  when i was coming home from feeding Allen's cats while he is in Alaska for a while,  i saw this.

 

this is Minnow.  who has become a parts donor for the other Honda Ninnow.  but still.  Why?  and i am guessing that this was what Tay understood,  tho couldn't really see because of the "privacy" fence.  Which,  is both a blessing and not.   It keeps my space here.  But also is not looked upon favorably by some in the Hood.  It's a statement to them of Seperation.  and there is resentment.  So here we have it.

 

These are my running and Necessary vehicles.  Ninnow,  whose parts are interchangable with Minnow's of the Smashed Glass.  And the truck.  I park them outside the fence because i am not From here.  I am from the mid west where we do not think of our vehicles as landscape ornament.  So…this in itself sets me Apart.  In the past,  it was ok and accepted.  I was known by the neighborhood and well, just ok.  There are new people now.  Who don't care.  When the Sheriff's deputy came, because i called,  he kind of just stood there.  Looking vague.  He finally said" well, i guess i can write an incident report".  I said, yes,  please do.  you never know.  I guess he did.  and he also pointed out that if i parked Inside the Gate it would be simpler.  and yes, it would.  but i don't WANT to park inside the gate.   I shouldn't HAVE to park inside the gate.  They are off the road.  They are in no one's way.    So.   i am thinking.

 

and here is the BEST PART.  This is Tay's petrified turnip from her compost collection out under the Native Olive.  She brought it to me this morning.

Tay has been a Very Very OK and sometimes GOOOOOD dog today.  She is GOOD.   There have been some Things,  but easily distracted from and she has been just , well,  just a really Fine dog.  There have been times i could call her to me and times of even Humor.   All day and it's now time that the Sun is hovering in the Rim.  So a WHOLE DAY of GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!  

and i have returned to Patricia's post on followingthread@wordpress.com of 7/14….Point of View and Acceptance.  There, she said:   " Respecting.  Respecting the nature of………  Things.  People.  Self.  Not pushing against.  Not wanting to change something against it's will.  Against its nature.  Acceptance."   There's more there, in that Post,  go look.  I don't want to take any more out of  context.  But this is IT.  and so important to me here.   There are thoughts there about "giving up", and today i remember that that also can mean surrender.  Surrender is a very LOADED word.  but…..

and having to do with Tay.   Both she and i are Who we Are.  If it is that we can find our middle path,  then…yes.   If we are,  by nature,  different,  then this needs to be respected.

But today…there is a clear and bright and energetic Middle Way and we were oh so Just Going.