windthread

to Music Thursday with Alz. B and her son Bill who is back from his trip to the island in Maine.  and interesting,  someone in the Forum  of Jude's Considering Weave thought that the little weave looked like a Ukulele.   and at Music Thursday,  the ordinarily Banjo guy was playing instead,  a Ukulele.  and they sang Ukulele Lady,  which i have been singing in my head for a while now….so, ????

 

 

these scraps showed up.  i like them here for some reason but will have to wait to find out.  And actually,  what i was thinking wasn't ukuleles  at all but rather coordinates.  and associated words that are on my rolodex,  like, ellipsoid, longitude, latitude, meridians.  Though they don't really apply at all to this,  they did in my mind and i love the words anyway.  And it IS about Place and

also Rain

however they go together in my head these days…..and the dreaming that is driving me a little crazy lately,  same old same old dreaming, but seeming to be "louder" and "faster" than usual.

 

so,  i came home and made this.  It's Zuchini Pizza.   It's from a self published booklet of recipies a woman made in Ann Arbor, Michigan years and years ago and it has nothing to do with Pizza but that she said to call it that and maybe your kids would eat it.  All her recipes were for zuchinni.  Its one of my most loved comfort foods of summer.  

 

 

i tried to get a pic of Onday's Knee Hairs….she's in the back here, her daughter Mercy in foreground.   This year she has grown these hairs?????  Like on her thighs and down to knees.  No one else has them…?????  Mercy is almost 2 and is getting redder and redder.  she was brown.

 

and so we get to Tay.   Photographing her is similar to photographing the Goats…something is always in motion.   I spent a lot of time  trying to really SEE how it's going with Tay.  Today is the Third week here.   What IS it REALLY,  i tried to See,  to Understand.  How much of it is Her and how much of it is Me with my habituated preferences.   To be totally honest,  it's kind of a  uhhh, well,  kind of a nightmare for me….but a morningmare.  Mornings are my most loved time of day.  They are now,  HER.   So, what do i want to make of that?  and why?  and many many questions.  Once again, it's not what i would imagine self to be preoccupied with,  but then,  that almost seems just how it Goes for me.  Surprises.  Daughter asked me once…"Just how many times are you going to be surprised?"   Who knows.

 

a soft "woman" rain.  Soft some,  but wind too,  but still a Woman Rain.  Feeding.  Giving.  Soft enough to seep in.  Seeping in.  These are very good words for desert rain.  Not the hard kind that runs off,  but the softer kind that seeps in.  Soaking.  Seeping.

 

 then this.   a weave of sorts.  Not much, really.  But a weave of sorts.  for the Considering Weave, Jude Hill.   so i wove it.   because of a sort of dream,  but in the dream too,  i was, as always, trying to find my place in everything that was So Much.   Why do i keep dreaming this?  Finding Place?

 

Storms.  maybe, but then Not.  Pretty much an Old Cowboy Day.   I bagged and then delivered to the Thrift Shop,  MANY Videos.  The old kind.    It was hard for him…he remembered when he bought them.  The year.  Why.   so it was hard for him.  But we did it.  Off the shelves,  into the grocery plastic bags,  into my car and AWAY.  DONE.   Hard stuff.  And i came home kindof  drained.  Like days with him are anymore.  He can't remember how to spell my name on the check when he writes it for my work and for groceries.   Its been 19 years.  and he can't quite get it right.  So he gives up and signs the check and i write the rest in for him.   OLD.

This is from my friend, Maureen,  Luna….it's from her garden in Michigan…where i came from.  It's an exuberance of Bloodroot..  She is willing to send,  but  we wonder how?   Try to send the fresh root?  or dry the root?  For dying.  Does anyone have a thought?

 

and some more small stitching…those "lines"  down from the Mystery into the Mystery and as i stitch them i think about the Mystery….what it means to me and For me….what i mean to it and For it……….

 

a few days ago, Jan said:

"it would be that way in any particular conversation going.

That we take a neutral screen or filter….the black and white of things.

and it is as big as we need it to be depending on the subject and what we each bring to it.

and then, we keep going until it has all its colors.  the full spectrum.

not the either/or  mindset, rather a grid."

 

i came to find out,  just recently,  that an Old Friend…that's what i will call her…an Old Friend, Maureen who i like to call Luna,  and Old Friend,  Maureen has been 

lurking.

I find out because she tells me,  that she has been reading along this blog.    That she knows stuff.

She knows about the goats,  about the babies born and growing.   She's watched.  Quietly.  but she knows it.   And it made me think about what Jan wrote,  even more.  And it is very very tender., How we Go.  How we make our way.

 

She had come to see me.  I don't really remember when because stuff like this is a kind of beauty full blurrrrrr.  But she came and bought me this Mimosa tree.   The year it got to 17 degrees below zero i thought it was dead.  But it came back.

 

i tied the new shoots with cloth.    That cloth is still there today.  This is it, in this pic.

 

these are her Flowers.  Just a few.

 

but she somehow made a Daughter and there will be Many Flowers soon here.

 

these are Patricia's marigolds.  Second Generation. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

stopped by the Walnut tree in town today and there are many.  all Green and wonder Full on the tree.  So i will watch until they begin to fall…….i don't remember…when,  they begin to fall???

but checked the walnut vat from last time and in it i see a cloth…i'd forgotten.  It's falling apart.

Falling Apart

love those words, falling apart…….so will look more closely tomorrow when it's dry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Volunteers in the compost bed.  And most interesting of all,  i do not water out there more than once a week.  Yet they are stronger than the squash i planted in the raised beds.   A mystery that i would like to solve.  So i look closely and think.

 

an Acorn Squash

 

this, i don't know.

 

i got some peaches at the store, some Half and Half and took to Alz. B.   This pit.  How so  Beauty Full it is…with it's flanges…the colors of it make me swoon….

 

 

just small stitching,  but critical to the Whole.  I went slow,  pausing a Lot.  Listening.

there are waves of STORM this afternoon.  Electricity on/Electricity off.   Goats running/Goats running back.   This is the second time there has been big Electrical Goings On coming from the East.   Because it is so much so,  you could say that all weather here comes from the South West except during cold winter months,  and then, only sometimes from North East.  Again.  This is summer.  Summer High Intensity Electrical Activity…from the East.   how interesting.

 

i see that Dog is a night person.  a Moon dog.  ok.    Good information.  Not that it will make it any easier,  but at least we know.     A little more understanding.   So.  ok.   We go from here.

 

Saw the scab as wings.   Drew in the rest…Crow.  Now a crow on my hand.   This will help.

 

.

many small things.   many.  and some,  a River.   There needed to be water for her.   and then,  a rim of trees.  There needed to be trees for her.  Ok.  and then what?   i look at this cloth differently.  Originally,  it was from me.   But now it is Her too,  the Granddaughter.  What needs to change,  to adjust,  from just me to her?   So, all day i think of this.   All day i put things,  take them away,  put them,  take them away,  though some stay.  but most are taken away.  

And then… the Black and White square.   the Black and White image that i have used so long now…way back into the fiber figure days the Black and White which to me means all that is Unknowable but somehow trying to be known.   How the Mystery presents to humankind,…it's Whole Self and trying to speak to us.    Some times like this,  sometimes like black and white stripes on a line

but here this,  and i ask Jude,  because for me it is so much her now,  i ask her and she says…ok.  So, ok.  Here we are on this night of July 12, 2o14.   a strong and Big black and white night.  ok.

Day before Full Moon.   Oh, Give me, Full Moon…let it come on.  i am worn out.

 

the tedious work of the Cilantro seeds, but done.  Enough for maybe a half a year.  Plant more.

 

look at this hand.  scabs.  wrinkles.  skin…dried out from sun, thin, easy to tear.  Old skin.

 

maybe i should just read.  Maybe i am old enough to just read now?  Nice thought…but…stuff needs to be done.

 

done.  Everything that wanted to be said here has been said.  Done.

 

 

and maybe i'll just work this for the Granddaughter because she Wants it.  Asked for it.  OK.

 

 

someone got Rain.  Here,  just the comotion.  Just the drama.  Just the display.  But…no Rain.  Someone did, tho…someone to the East did get rain.  you could see it.  They did.

 

and as i gave water,  i understood some about why i make cloth.  I make it because it helps me.  Eases me.  Gives me a picture of what i am doing in this life.  and i went back…looking for where i wrote it down and found it…Wikipedia…

"Collectively, Americans discard two quadrillian pounds of used clothing and textiles into the landfills each year".

almost all the cloth that i  use is of this two quadrillian pounds.  Junk.  Garbage.  Trash.  and…it eases me.  gives me a deep sense of satisfaction even in hard times.  it does.  yup.  it does.

now, out to the Goats.

 

 

 

couldn't understand it, really.  It's been this way for a while,  but today seemed so intense.   Tried to get quiet enough to see if i could understand what it IS,  but couldn't.   So…just going.  Just Going about the doings of the day with this Pervasive Sense of Restlessness…..Big.   Tried to sit down and Write,  as in pen to paper, thinking maybe it would show itself, but couldn't sit long enough.  so  i did what i often do to distract self,  in dog terms, to Redirect self and i cooked.  All kinds of stuff.  I have enough cooked for a week.   But still….restless.

When talking with Granddaughter who will be 26yrs this month,  she is interested in Many Things suddenly and Astrology is one.  So…that in mind i thought maybe it's some kind of tangle in the Cosmos?  Maybe.  and if i could talk with my old friend HoneyDove,  she could consult her big fat astrological volumes and tell me but i don't know where she is anymore…so i am here, floating restlessly on a thread, a fiber,  an umbilical of a sort,  just floating floating……uncomfortably….

but then,  while giving Water,  that old Rolodex in my mind flipped up      IONS.  Everything i have ever heard, ever read, ever seen, ever imagined is in that Rolodex.   Small index card like entries.  It's all there.  Reference.  

For about a week now,  the winds rise and storm clouds scud from the South West to that Rim over there.  LOTS of Thunder…even visible lightning strikes in the distance…lots of drama…but except for that one Good Rain…nothing.   But it is as if there is a HOT BREATH breathing into this world here, breathing into our nostrils, lungs, selves.   So i google Ions effect on humans and ta Da…

"the negative ions make us feel good.  The positive make us feel bad.

If the positive ions occur naturally in sufficient numbers, for instance during the onset of the commonly known hot and dry desert winds, the winds cause depression, nausea,  insomnia, irritability,  migrane, lassitude and also affect the normal function of the thyroid glands.  Biochemically speaking, the body becomes exhausted and this can lead to accidents, violent crime and suicides.  These can be counteracted with the beneficial negative ions.  "

Negative Ion Report:  the CBS Nightly News  Feb 14, 1995

looked up lassitude:  a condition of wearyness or debility, listlessness, languor.  So…

in me,  it is a restlessness.  but yes,  with a wearyness.  OK.  now that i know…it has lifted.  with the knowing and also with showering the tree leaves when Giving Water…so that a mist falls from them down,  on me,  on this earth.  OK.  Ions.

 

and FINALLY….the first of the Yellow Hots.  here they are called Wedos…meaning "blondie", in mexican spanish.  I was always (and maybe still am) referred to as a Weda…light,  light skin, light hair…and in me, blue eyed.  It 's slang.  Wedo…a yellow hot pepper.  They are the best.  Just the best.  Sautee them and then eat them with anything and everything.  

And Dogs…well,  to day was really just a totally OK day.  A real SHIFT from all before.  and i think i have found that if i put my index and middle finger on her "third eye",  it means something.  it shifts something.  Maybe not.  but i'll find out.   But today we were GOOD.  all of us.  Not without our small comotions,  but we were, really,  Good Enough.

 

 

 

 

 

counting a LOT on any help,  All help.    To be calm.   To be quiet, inside.   To breathe and let breathe.

 

to let what Can Happen,  Happen.   To stand aside and just Let it.

 

after a Thorough Investigation.

 

some very small things…but very significant things…..a third crow.   stitches through SUN…. other things, here and there…how much is good?  how much is unnecessary?  Thinking.

the Way Back Insurrection of Goats into Oasis continued.  Off and on,  all day.  Till finally, i just stood at the door and watched.  After a while,  i saw it.  Who could have ever guessed that a fat Goat could squeeze cheerfully through a really small hole in the fence,  but ….YUP.  and so i wove it closed with baling wire.  Not how i had imagined i would, like Pretty and Orderly,  but messy and just enough to close the space…….maybe there will be a day when i can make it Pretty.  But for now,  it's just OK.

 

right before it tips toward dusk,  SUN poised,  it seems, waiting….and anyminute will tip.  So to put this here and maybe more pics later, we'll see.

First,  i bought a Stove today.  I have never bought a stove before.  Ever.  There were stoves included in everyplace i've lived.  Even the HOUSE in Ann Arbor.  a stove there, already.   Back a while ago i moved the beloved old Dixie stove from the Airstream into this house because my son was coming for thanksgiving and i wanted to cook a turkey.  So pulled out the old stove that came with this Metal House and didn't have any sense of temperature…pulled it out and put in the Dixie from the old Airstream.  Oven worked "better".  and since….one side of the top 4 burners wasn't working and Bill, Alz. B's son,  was checking it out and subsequently broke the "tubes".  That was i guess 2 years ago?   So that left me with the two right side burners.  OK.   But then, when the kids were recently here,  the one "good" front burner i guess got stripped, the knob.  Sometimes you can't turn it off….and  well……..so there was a stove,  an apartment sized stove,  on sale.  Done deal.  The best part is that it's BLACK.  ahhhh.  Black appliance.  Love Black Appliances.  And i figured that this is the time that i will have the Most Money Ever….with the Alz. B. care money.  Once that's over,  things will become very very thin.  So if there is a time to buy a stove, it would be now.  What pushed me over the edge is that canning season is coming.   The old Dixie couldn't do it.  Need to can the tomatoes.  so…I sigh and fill in the credit card info.  This is Good.

 

Mornings continue to be a Nightmare.   The energy level at 6 a.m. is HUGE.   She is Right Here… Intense! and i am the total Focus.  so…6 am to about 7:30 am.  The time that i am most uhhh, barely here…the time that i have needed so much.  But it's how it is.  

 

 

she is EverPresent.  No more than a foot away,  or a few.   It's claustrophobic for me.  For her,  something totally different.  So we just try.

 

for Her and Chinche,  well,  knock on wood,  it seems to have reached it's level.  No big deal.   Chinche has remembered,  through Tay,  a lot of dog things she had needed to forget.  She spends more time outside now.  Barks at disturbances outside the gate.  Seems to have found some new level of energy.  Tay is easier on her…lots of times,  just touch…nose to ear,  mouth to body.  But just touch.  not hard.  Touch.

 

"Toy",  the stuffed rabbit,  took the brunt of it today.  A HOT day with a STORM and so HOT and HUMID and we all breathed through,  but mid day,  Toy's stuffing got removed.   Dear Toy.

 

 

small stitches and CROWS came.  Amidst all the rest.   today for whatever signal that was given,  Onday ended up yelling from INSIDE the fenced in Oasis in the back…standing there YELLING, staring at the door from which i come Out,  Yelling and i went out and opened the little fake gate, calling her and she came.  But then just hours later,  more YELLING and it was her daughter Mercy, this time…YELLING exactly the same from inside the Oasis fence…YELLING and i got her out too….oh EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee……oh Jeez.   But somehow the craziness of it all is balancing me.  the Sensitive Chaos.  it is balancing me and today it seems more ok.  Last night,

just at dark,  i spent a long time outside watching Tay as she cruised.   She likes night.  This is the first time she has experienced running her , HER, peripheries at night.  She is fluid.  like Mercury…viscous and flowing…a Run of a being.   If i can i'll get some pics of that tonight.  Maybe.

There is a sense that we are going to be OK.  

 

TheM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lucky Star in her most excellent and BeautyFull Goatness of simple Goat,  part of Everything,  Beautiful elegant excellent Lucky Star just one of Them….oh…just One of Them….

 

 

 

They wait.  They wait for me.  Knowing of the busyness and so they wait.  But when i come,  they are so so full of Giving. 

 

i ordered a Boomer Ball.

 

 for dogs with Excessive Energy.   watching,  i think she may Not have excessive energy,  other than the energy to Connect.  She thinks the ball is Interesting,  but no more than a weed or a stick.

 

 

her Hide Out.  in the Salt Cedar/Mexican Feather Grass

 

from the compost.  a withered turnip that i forgot.  brought to the porch.