windthread

kantha is finished.  

Today was the second work away day.   Now,  i don't need to go anywhere at all until next Monday,  except for one visit to Alz. B.  could be any day.  could be for 15 minutes., or an hour.  doesn't matter.  

and i'm feeling Restless.  Unsettled.  Restless.  that's all i can say.   January is like that.  and January will be over so soon.   The intention is to haul wheelbarrows full of compost to the food garden beds tomorrow.  Dig it in.  Maybe i will.  Maybe i won't and will just work this Cloth that holds my attention in a strong way.  i don't know.    late in the day i walked around thinking about

Permaculture

how that works here.   

The Goats,….they always watch so closely,  the Goats talked quietly,  watching me.  What do they say to each other, i wonder

woke to frozen water.  pipes, house pipes,  Frozen.  i had forgotten to let the tap in the bathtub drip.  a work away day.  but i hung around, waiting,  listening to the smallest sounds for some sign of thaw.  waited till 11 am  which put the day in another time frame.   but when i got back, they were running and nothing broke.  OK.  January.  the tap in the bathtub MUST drip through the night.  OK.  Water MUST be daily changed and broken for the Goats.  no putting it off till morning.  Every day.  OK.  January.  the month of Winter.  

 

This is where i was when i found Spirit Cloth.  i guess 5 years ago or so.  a LOT led up to it, permaculture.  and it's no small thing, permaculture.  but it's a deep and wonder Full place to go.  and now…here i am.  back around.  i realized how lazy my mind has become.  and it could STAY lazy unless i intend to continue this daily blogging on beyond the 365 days.   if i continue,  i will need to talk about it.  because it will be The Days.   i take a deep breath and breathe out.  

an example.  the worms.  those worms that i discovered when digging out the Way Back gate.   

There are worms everywhere across the planet it seems.  but there are places where they are never seen because they stay to a depth that they are not exposed to the human view.  they rise close to the Earth's crust only when conditions are right to support that.  moisture, mostly.  Water.  and then secondarily, vegetation of some sort.  which occurs with moisture.  Water.  they then live.  and mate and reproduce and aerate the soil by this living and reproducing.  and they shit.  this byproduct of living and mating and reproducing adds nutrients to the soil.  Everything benefits.  the worms, the soil, the plants, the four leggeds, the wing~ed and the 

human beings.

Worms.  

i can't remember which year it was…it's documented somewhere in Picasa with pics…but i was here a long long time with no sign at all of a worm.   Coming from Michigan, i just assumed that there are no worms in the South West.

i was talking one day to the old man who sharpened my hoes for me.  i was talking about my sadness about no worms here.  he listened without looking at me, he was watching the edge of the hoe on the grinding stone,  and after a while he said…"they are waiting.  it's not time yet.  worms are under the whole earth.  you need to make it right for them."   maybe a year or two later as i was turning the soil for planting i SAW A WORM!!!!   it disappeared,  i searched and cupped it in my hand.  A WORM!!!!!  a WORM!!!!!!!!  

from then on,  not only for growing good vegetable plants,  but also, JUST FOR THE WORMS,  i hauled home so much manure from everywhere i could.  i mulched.  i double dug.  for the worms.  and there, in the Front Gardens, there came to be many.   i got used to them being there.  not so much a big deal anymore.  worms.  But when i dug in the Way Back which has remained all sand, all as it was from when i came here except for the Oasis in the middle…when i dug for the gate….i saw how the Goats living here is changing the Earth.  their scrap feed, their shit, mixed and pounded in with their hooves…everything here is undergoing a HUGE CHANGE.    

i can participate in that change, as a human being, or not.  Choice.  only human beings have

Choice.

Why?

i don't know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

sitting down here to post for the three hundred and tenth time,  i had some uneasiness.   Am i sure about what i think i want to say??  and i got up and walked over,  and looked at the wall.  Yes.  i am sure.

 

it started this morning looking at the linen runner with the colors.  Back up.  from the  Color segment of Jude's What If Diaries.   i had decided yesterday to put it back and use the runner for small "Lookings".  just fragments that i want to watch together for no reason.

 

this little face…What is she looking at?

 

 

 

 

what is this thing about Dimensional?  what is it saying?

 

and my eyes travel down

 

after i return from seeing Alz B.,  i pick it up immediately…there is a real excitement about continuing.  the needle is already threaded so i finish out that thread with the kantha.  Why does it look so much darker????  i don't know.  and then, the Eye.  What is here, but more that i took away.   realizing i need to go slower.  need to breathe through this part of it all.  Slow down.  Slow down, grace.  Listen.

and i have an answer to that Question from the Narrator the other day.  

To whom do you belong?

in a comment somewhere i said something about belong to the consciousness of the Earth.  and this morning, suddenly, it came with more understanding.    in the 1980 's there was a lot written about the concept of Gaia.  The Gaia Hypothesis to be exact.  i have a copy of ReVision Magazine from the 80's with the whole issue devoted to the Gaia Hypothesis.  i spent a long time, searching here for it and can't find it.  so i am going to rely on some small simple words.  if you google Gaia Hypothesis you can find many many references.

Gaia.  a concept that the planet Earth,  all on it, all in it,  all around it,  ALL….is a single Organism.

This.

then, in the 90's  Quantum Physics became popular.  that can be googled too.  Nothing is as it seems.  Quantum Physics.

and here we have it.    There are a million ways to view ourselves on this planet in this life time.  There has been a sense that beginning in this next year of 2014 (which adds up to Seven)  i will want to "ground" myself in one of them.  to not be Vague about it.  To choose.  to, well, ground myself,  solidly.  and i think this is from whence that Question.  To Whom do you belong?, grace…

to WHOM, not WHAT,  but WHOM do you tie your alliegence?,  your fielty?  is it the "world"…as in "worldly world"?  or……but i didn't have the OR.   Today i do.  it's Gaia.  it's the sense of being like a single cell of a huge organism.    that seems like an old concept now…it's been 30 years.  no one uses that term anymore.  retro.  but here it Rises.  and it is the best Image i can sense to direct me in these next days, months, on into this Spring of 2014.    just as some micro organism works in my compost,  so do i work.  no more, no less.

and all this has been coming for quite a while.  clues have come in many of YOUR comments here.  in many of the small things outside,  like those worms in the Way Back.   like the mention of Permaculture and how i connected that to the other day when i made the HUGE error of forgetting to turn off the hose after filling the Goat tub.  how it ran all night and in the morning i was so freaked to see it had pooled,  Pooled,  but then with the morning's SUN,  suddenly there were trillions of birds…bathing, eating, singing, spinning and whirling about, running on their funny little feet through the mud, leaving prints of themselves everywhere….WATER.  Water when Water is scarce.

and the serendipity of daring to ask Roz to make me the small talismen.  and how i'd mistakenly imagined i would wear them as earrings,  and putting them on needing to acknowledge that i no longer can return to that earring world.  those days are gone.  but putting them on a piece of the black string from so long ago,  and them touching my skin where the Heart Chakra and Solar Plexis meet….feeling that as i move through the days…

All this.  

and i am uhhh,  assured that this is how i will know how to go forward here,  in this Place,  with these companions of Goats.   i had begun to feel uneasy.  now i don't.   we are all one thing.  it's OK.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you All for all the response to the Black and White scraps!  i am sure that now i'll have more than enough for Forever.  THANK YOU!!!!

 

i tacked together.  like looking at it.  like Not Knowing.  

 

back to this Altar Cloth.  began stitching some  energy vibrations in that upper left…and i think yes, it is an eye.  and need to finish that one edge of kantha before i go further.

 

in the fire wood this eve.   could not be more  Beauty Full….

 

 

i will think about doing something for close to forever but not do it.  Then, suddenly, i am doing it.  very early….emptying all the baskets, nine of them,  one by one and going through Every piece of Cloth in them.   Creating a certain kind of order.

 

almost nothing at all was removed.  just a couple small things.  the rest just rearranged and most important, TOUCHED.  Considered.  Known and Remembered.  

 

and as things made their way to the surface, i found self putting scraps on the table…just following Urge,  and this is what there was.  i like it.

 

this was just a rather plain piece of wrinkled cloth but had a hole cut into it.  i threaded through this thready scrap…i like it again.  something with Dimensional going on lately.

 

and i saw that i have very little black and white left.   i like it a lot, particularly on those border edges….like it in small ripped strips.

So, i am sending out a Wondering if anyone has extra of such a cloth.  it would need to be cotton.

most likely a commercial print, which is fine, but a very SMALL to teeny design…like a paisley kind of thing?  Black and White only.  i have a LOT of white silk gauze i can trade…from Dharma Trading.  i have no idea why i thought i might use it, but i won't.  it would be great to dye.

????????????????????????

and i took a 10 minute nap and was gifted by one of the Wonderful and Rare 

Narrator Dreams.

Waking,  the Question hovered:  To Whom do you Belong?

i didn't know what to think.  and kept rewording it to :  To What do you Belong?     But that wasn't what was "said".  What was said was  To WHOM do you Belong?

i have no idea.  no idea what to think.  but i cannot deny the words of a Narrator Dream.  and so, as i go about this evening i mutter,  To Whom do I Belong??????????????????????????

no clue as yet

 

 

 

 

they arrived.  What i dared ask Roz Hawker.  and even more.  i'd sent her the little drawing

she added a Moon to the Goat

she sent not one but TWO of the Diamond with a Dot which to me is amphibian embryo, which really means LIFE as i have known it since a child and LIFE as i oh so LOVE and fear for as i become in these last chapters.  

LOOK what she did!…in silver and copper.   HER.  over there across so many miles of Planet, in Australia…how totally magic is this.  She understood exactly, perfectly, she Knew my mind.

so…as Jan said…days can be elastic.  what a beautiful thought.  and these first days that signify beginning again that grand and forever CIRCLE of DAYS,   how much more perfect can things be.

there are many ways i could approach this post and i am too tired to think ahead so it will be interesting to see what appears here in the little white box and the letters appearing as my fingers go along the keyboard.

that laundry hanging on the line yesterday…it's where i'd gotten to when my Friend arrived.   Once we unloaded her vehicle into the refrigerater and here and there in the house there was a little over

TEN 

hours of non stop conversation.  and i mean that totally literally.  Non Stop.  She would speak, i would speak, she again, i again.  till after 1 oclock in the morning.   

What do i want to say here?  What is Of Use to say?  I didn't get to do my Calendar thing.  i had them set out.  she knew it.  and once even commented,  Oh, Your Calendar Ritual….but then the talking just went on with a life of it's own.  

And i guess really,  although there was a LOT,  i guess really it ends up being about how You Never Know.    about how things rise up in a life and you either go toward them or not.  if you go toward them you find yourself doing the best you can which what presents as it goes.   She is almost ten years older than i so, has ten more years of living, and really, these years that come after we begin to go into the long stretch are  seemingly HEAVY with purpose and meaning even tho we don't know what that Purpose and Meaning exactly is.  so…i listened and responded,  offered.   Her beloved is now dead.  she again, Begins again.  most likely for the last time.  and what it boiled down to really,  is

Just Going.     Jude…i appropriate here…..

Just Going.  Ha!

so ok.  ok then.  

tonight then.  not on the Eve, but on the Day.  because there was Just Going to be done.

 

and almost on the heels of her leaving this morning the Goat helping guy called that he had the perfect window of time to make that final Gate i envisioned, ?????

and i felt like i'd been run over by a truck but then..Why Not?  so the rest of the afternoon was the final gate.   Here in this pic you see it superimposed against the old gate,  the wooden one, which i will take off probably tomorrow after i get the hardware to secure the new cattle panel/wire fence gate that will allow the Goats to SEE.  unimpeded, and in my hopefull imagination, make that transition, that migration back and forth from Front to Back easier for them.  

so…i am about done for.  and i am going to do the last night's Calendar Work and then…Crash in my wind scented sheets.  Wake tomorrow and Just Go.

 

 

and it's interesting.  Today would be the exact kind of day i would like to NOT repeat much for the rest of my life.   and saying that, i call myself to attention.  it actually was a very OK day by standards of the World.  by standards of the Majority on the Planet.   in a certain way, all was just fine.   Nothing went wrong.   Well, a little….my firewood that's left from last year is burning very smokey.  i have no idea why.  maybe from a LOT of sand blown into it and then way more moisture than usual….???  Maybe i'm burning wood and sand????  But if that's the most i have to be uncomfortable about then…..

and, really, it's not worth even writing here.  but the day was manipulated in a way that would not have been of my choosing.   so here, at the end of it

 

 

 

this morning i saw,  SAW,  this design at the one of four corners of the rug that is near the Morning Chair.   how amazing that i never was noticing this image here before???????????????  and i got up and looked at all the four corners, where the repeating pattern meets and they are all different.

But.  look at this one.  I really like it.

 

and a scribble on the Stenographer's Pad.  a female figure floating,  dreaming, floating.  How many fiber figures i made of this.  maybe one in Cloth?

 

and this last night.  December, the Twelfth Month, the thirtyith day……….Tomorrow.  is, IS?, the significance of the 31st day of the twelfth month REAL?  or, maybe the question is, is it Real Enough?,   as Real as anything, really…………..???

EDIT POST:

and i go over to Michelle of NYC  and find John Prine and Iris DeMint singing

Inspite of Ourselves

How many times did i sing that to myself, thinking that THIS WAS THE TIME???????????????

but it wasn't.

and just now, after listening to them,  i hear a sound and ….YUP.   ONE MORE MOUSE in the Tin Cat!.   i had pulled down the "company" down comforter from that top shelf of the bathroom closet thingy and yup.  Hole chewed.  in the comforter,  in the ceiling stuff.  Mice.   and cat Tazmeena is sitting on the futon couch,  all comfey.  not caring.

SO.  in Spite of Ourselves….all of Ourselves   we'll end up sittin on a rainbow.  

 

 

began this morning by FINALLY catching a mouse in the Tin Cat!   i thought it wasn't going to work.  it's been a while, sitting there on the bottom shelf, the clump of peanut butter in place.  but this morning…TA DA!  sitting glumly in there, a good mouse.  or, maybe sitting in there sick from eating so much peanut butter?  anyway…..and the idea is to carry it far from your home to release.  but being the season it is,  with the New Year just around the corner,  i took him/her out to the Albatros to join the legions there.  Next time tho….

and then, the rest of the good part of the day was spent fixing the ceiling and roof with Paul.  Done.  For time being.  i love that expression, time being.   on the roof we see that there is not enough of a slant.  Snow probably, had weighed it down over time and there is a slight depression…enough to cause this pooling of water.  the roof panels pulled up and re caulked, re sealed which will last a while.  for that  …  time being.  but sometime in the future,  it most probably will need something more extensive.  but…Who Knows???? maybe not.  

 

many things that were in the ROOM needed to be put elsewhere and i saw that my Best houseplant, one of two,  needs dusting.  so it remains till tomorrow for that.

and my friend who had lived,  and has still her home in Magdalena, up the mountain past Water Canyon, who has lived the last four years with her new true love in his home in Albuquerque called.  He died.   She is not one to love solitude so much.    in general, but especially now.  So she is coming New Year's Eve to have a meal  and she remembered how i do my Calendar Work so she will buy and bring a 2014 Calendar and we will drink wine and ReVIEW the year of 2013.  Next day she will return to Albuquerque to begin collecting her things.  During that time when she had been off with her True Love,  she missed everything about the Goats.  it will be interesting to see what she sees here.

Snow Bunny, the Matriarch, managed to get into the house THREE times during the ceiling/roof work.   Once she made it all the way into the livingroom.  She just wants to look.

and all through the day,  thinking about the good news of Buckwheat's new life yesterday,  watching her calculating her entry,  watching the rest of them watching Her,  all crowded around the back steps,  how they inspected all of Pauls equipment closely,  ran away fast then came close to look more,  

all through the day i was aware of how i love them "like i shouldn't".  those words kept appearing in my mind.  i'm not sure exactly what they mean, "like i shouldn't".   but the feeling is that it's Too Much.   Maybe in a way that is not wise?   but then,  the thinking continues that it's not out of stupidity or lonliness or seeing them in some kind of anthropomorphic way.  it's just what rises up.  So as i go well into my Second year with them, i am watching mySelf.  watching Them.  trying to understand what it is.