windthread

Very taken by the image for many reasons,  some of which are unknown to me.   But i want to repeat the drawing.   I know from my experience with repeating that it doesn't happen.    That first One    ,   the one that has the magic,   almost is impossible to re create.  for me, anyway.   So i don't try.    But this time….this one…..i want to let my hand learn as if it is part of me.   I want to try and try until i know what it is that creates the serenity.   it is such a simple image but working with it the first time today,  i see how just the most subtle  touch of the pencil  MATTERS

this is on one of the cardstock blank greeting cards.   That in its self makes a big difference.   The original is in that spiral drawing book of high quality cardstock pages that i remember to be described  as oatmeal.   and as i worked today,  i understood why i remember. it's the light color.    There is no identifier  on it.   I have looked for years to find more.    So these cardstock cards will never have that luminous quality.   But…the hand can still learn.   Today,  so much already.   It's all taking me where i need to go.  

the butterfly,   from a long time ago.   Colored Pencil.    it took a lot of time.  Slow time.    Thinking today how we have come to accept that things need to be fast.   as  example,     needing to abbreviate even a word….merchandise is   merch.    Three syllables are too much.

a very hard thing in the Michigan family.  Everyone had to fly there.  and that's not my story to tell   but i woke this morning to the reality of it    and was     afraid.     i lay there,  fully realizing.  and there was    Fear.     moments passed and then,  suddenly,

Metta.    Metta for    my     Self.     my self. 

i put this here so i don't minimize the experience of this as i move on into the days….don't minimize the beautyfully  clear  Lightness that came.   how i'd written that in the stenographer's notebook.   above.  And as i wrote,  it became more.  the Metta was about all hard things now.     how i took this photograph because photographs are real.   they are fact.    not memory or interpretation.   So i  can keep the experience here.  Like this.  so it stays alive.  real.

ADDENDUM  8/8

i knew i might regret posting this.   It comes across as cryptic and it isn't really,  it's just about something that Belongs to other people.   and i should have been more clear about the Fear…it was because everyone was gone.  That far away.  that i was here alone with any Evacuation  Order  that might come.  and that there was no way any of that could be changed.    Jenny is now back.   Alyssia returns Sunday.  

the flight of a bat

national geographic  August 2024 issue

when i like them the most.    early,  just pick up the pencil.   in seconds.  not even a minute.    and it says what i could not /cannot say with words.

my whole life i thought my best feature was my feet.    until i guess almost 2 years ago when that changed during one winter of rain and cold when they seemed to succumb to Raynaud's Syndrome   and i searched for answers but found really none.   At one point they having a purple cast,  the nails being  strange and  i thought….eeeeeeeeeeee.   but then…that spring,  when they were feeling particularly bad,   i chewed up some Plantain leaves from B Garden walkway….at the suggestion of a YouTube,  pressed those leaves on the toes and there was     relief.   Remember???     From there,  using the last of the Heals All Salve from TakingRootVT.com and when that was no longer available,  a similar salve a woman in Paradise made….and continuing the Plantain Leaves   and all the while thinking about my feet…what was Different? from my whole life?  and understanding it finally to being how i was confining  them in socks and tight boots…..changing that to less socks,  just enough socks,  and whenever possible,  just my crocs,  even in winter…….and now…..today   this pic.   My feet.    Still,  the  sensations of Reynaud's Syndrome but otherwise,  they are just my toes.   My beloved toes.  all pink and ok.    

Point of this?    trust your Self.   experiment.   take whatever Time is necessary to Learn.   You can heal your self.  

'

both the button bush and the butterfly.  unfazed

it's been since the evacuation that i've left the Hill.   and in that short/long time,  the Button Bush has

bloomed.,

after having been reduced to stubs by the powers that be,    has regrown and today i saw…..not just that,  but  BLOOMING

and

this butterfly.    I've never seen a torn winged Butterfly before…that hindwing almost gone.   But it went.  Button to button,   as if nothing was different at all?????????????

 

 

     

to let it be however long    just going back to  FEEL it    and then it begins to tell you what it wants you to know.   dont know if you can see,  but upper right,  the Essential Beings appeared and i thought…????   have nothing to do with this but they did and do.   They say

go back.

go back to the Garden no matter how you think you feel.   Just go back.    OK.   OK and OK.