windthread

working on a card to send my son's daughter,  Giana,   for the completion of her 11th year…embarking on the 12th.  They are in Colorado….far from here.

she draws.   you might remember seeing a post here with her drawing a while back.   

i'd gotten a book… Botanical Drawing   Penny Brown

for myself a while ago…and then,  i got one for her.   It's a lot for age 11 as it is really,    a lot for me,     age 78   but i will say words to her about how we can work through it TOGEther     Over Time   and       learn.   as we go.

i am her Goat Gramma.    we will need to draw some Goats.   

Magic Diaries Cloth     Jude Hill    N Mex    the Wall of the Room in the house  there.      Maybe 6 1/2 ft  x   3 something  ?   Big.  This is a print out from the old printer …pasted into the Drawing Book.     It's here,  somewhere,  the Cloth,    rolled up.   tucked in.  This is here because i have       homework     from the Gathering at the Well.

center top     the Lizard.    it's Jude's.   

i  want to stay here.   keep Telling about this one Gentle day.   Over and over till i can  say it "right",  till i see    it   "right",   know it for what it is,  for ALL That it Is….

that might be     days.      to talk to my mind about not pushing away,  but allowing and then     letting go    and  all the while, 

being Present

the words…..there is no hurry.     

• 
• To be fully Present.    and i was.   I lived    this day    with all my questions,  with drifting back through years and then imagining forward into what might come
• Over and over     letting this happen and then,  Over and over  the gentle strength of an ebb and flow  Wind would bring me around to be Fully Present in this One Gentle Day

pressed,  like flowers,   in the drawing book,   3 cloths    not sure what the intent was for this,   but here we are.

Jude told us,   all those many years ago,   told us      that scraps of cloth,  any cloth,   could be stitched together and tell a story.  

and even if the scraps were not "pretty",   they still could Tell.  because that,  in itsSelf was a story

since I don't know when,   my cloth,  the scraps,   reside in a Very Large Storage Bin    outside…next to the table that presides there.

at first,   with any hint of an Evacuation,   i would load  them  in the vehicle.      Then,  over time,  i didn't.   But they stayed…Very Large Storage Bags     on the bed     or    the bench across from me at this Everything Table.     Until they didn't and  i don't remember the Why of that.   I remember hauling up that Very Large Storage Bin from down at B Garden.

so,   stuff.   am thinking about stuff.   and how things have changed in the 6 years of being here

i woke this morning after a cool night.  to a cool morning.    finally.   and with a fully formed PLAN i loved so much ,  to send to Kamala Harris.   I thought it was brilliant.   It rose from all about that town in Ohio,  Springfield,   how she could use the complex challenges there to    show    as in,      demonstrate to       the American people how her proposals could       work.    so i made my tea and  continued  thinking and felt so     good        and it was cool ,        and soon i clicked on the fact that this was what i'd been     wondering    a while now,  to understand my recent  uhhhh,   state of mind,  of spirit …..to understand what's happened this summer,   since that evacuation  the second day of July when the days then resulted in the death of the Garden,  when  it just kept being over 100 degrees day unto day and i felt so….Something    i could not name.    But it had hold of me.    So,  thinking all this,   i  did the thing with/for the Goats and Minnow and Puppy,  i waited at Jack's gate for Uno and Dos,  finally coming up and back in to cook…my favorite thing of all….the french fries  and pan fried Snapper   condiments of ketchup and Sriracha for the fries and Elote (no cheese) for the Snapper  and everything was great and i had a very doable To Do list for the day but i would take a quick nap…one of the 20 minute ones      i'd just begun drifting off when there was that unmistakable sound of the FIRE ALERT…..the Watch Duty and almost simultaneously sirens coming up Olive Highway just "over there"…

it was 1 and a quarter miles away from here.   7 acres.   But the sirens multiplied and within minutes an Update of the alert…Air assistance and again almost simultaneously,  the planes flying overhead,  helicopters       skip the middle      within an hour or so had grown to 80 acres but the wind took it in another direction from the Hill  so i looked at the app map….and yes…the yellow of  Evacuation Warning   and yes…here in the OSE zone….Oscar Sam Elephant….but not our number and the call from Alyssia that she was on her way  and when she got here she said that if i went just up to the top of the hill here to that little meadow just over there,  i could watch them do their thing….could see the water and retardant pouring down as they fly in spirals over the Fire   but i didn't want to see it.    I had no will.    I gathered a few things to load if our OSE became yellow.    

a FEW.

a very FEW.      

way less than ever before.    the pencils.  that one spiral drawing book.   the "fire proof"  Go Bag with important papers,  my proof of existence….of a life…..   the Tina quilt,  the Web from LaceLady   my pillow  Batteries and lap top.    That's it except for the above and the 3 little Tay drawings from the Altar.   the Butterfly calendar.     

we sat.   watching the updates,  listening to all going overhead.   Throwing the ball for Minnow.   Keeping Puppy around by talking to her.  Awareness of where Goats were,  ready to call them.  Jenny called from  work in Chico where she was also watching the Fire app….ready to leave.    Jeff picked up Emrie from school.    we watched.  listened.   our ears pricked.   on alert.  and finally,  Forward Progress was stopped at 80 acres          and then after some more time,   Alyssia went home to cook dinner for the kids.   It's  11:11 pm.        Tomorrow i'll Begin Again.

on the rock…. at   the lichen….

when i go there to turn on the hose water every day       recently     there's been a very Small lizard,  just at the top of the rock,  suddenly appearing,   all bright eyed and PRESENT.    I am squatting,  looking out into the doe forest  at the Tree forms and Just Suddenly…..there it is    and we are held with that same energy as with Uno and Dos down at Jack's gate.    i don't know if this is going to turn out to be like that….the      Relationship……but it is often enough now….maybe

Nancy    Pomegranate Trail     Mary Oliver     When i am Among the Trees

as if in direct response to my questions yesterday