windthread

right about in the middle

 closer.

Was set in motion by Dee's post  5/13  Pattern and Outrage,  the stunning collages,  looking,  found self thinking….maybe I coud try to learn  something  like this?,   and IMMEDIATELY the thought…but….What  woud they be     FOR?    and it all began….the Question:   What's it FOR?   I SAW self asking that same old same old question,  all my life,         and the answer:   Why does it have to be FOR  something?   Could the answer be …..Because i Want to?    Could i say that???       Why does everything need to be FOR something?????????       Seems a simple question but wasn't  (Isn't) and immediately,  Help began to flow  from varied sources…. ie:  a notification on FaceBook of an upcoming Course through Love Serve Remember,   Ram Das.   I haven't opened any of their mail for maybe  years  but opened it,   read the introduction for this Heartfulness teaching of the Three Qualities of the Open Heart,   the first being

Spacious Heart…..Empty of concepts    Spacious Heart as moment to moment practice    To be without collecting,  evaluating,   trying to figure things out.     Trying to Figure Things Out…that could be in NEON.    Can you trust the surrender beyond egoic figuring it  out?     NO fixed point of reference.     more neon       To be groundless.

Having felt unmoored  for months now,   and i looked back and see that i've not done any Cloth work for 2 months and that Bothers me .    A lot.   

a segment on NPR  All Things Considered 5/15  with Roland Griffiths which led to YouTube of conversation between he and Tara Brach    Meditation  Psychedelics  and  Mortality  which is incredible.   Really incredible.

this morning NYT   publisher AG Salzberger  makes the case for journalistic independence saying  " Independence asks reporters to adopt a posture of searching,  rather than knowing"   

there is an overlying theme of  Curiosity,   a pervasive Curiosity with no fixed point of reference,  not trying to figure things out.

Looking back in Archives i see i wrote on 4/15…..I have created an identity for my self   by/through  what i  MAKE.       Making is  my fixed point of reference.   What if i just stay unmoored?   See what happens?   I said i'd go back to Cloth after i got the Garden in.  What if i just stay in the Garden?         Sitting out there in said Garden i look up ….the pics above….and see that dead branch,  the black/white/black/white/black/white  pattern….the meaning of which is    MAGIC,  SPIRIT STUFF,     How did that happen?   It must be shadows,  but no ,    i've never seen it before

and,   "normal",   ie:    straight.     the left….will need  rocks  for border.   That's a small hill there,  don't  know if it is evident in a pic?     At bottom, cardboard,  then soil,  a layer of  goat manure and bedding straw,  more soil.   One more top layer and good enough.     A lot of water and tonight,  i imagine     WORMS rising 

These are every where.    never in any kind of  cluster,  often    Near   oneanother,   but everywhere .  Less than the size of a pea.   I sat with this one today,   off and on.    Emrie came after school and among other things gave a report on the Painted Ladies.   There are 9 of them.   Ms.  Johnson,  her teacher,  who she speaks of with such reverence,   Ms.  Johnson brought 9 chrysalis  a while back.  6  Painted Ladies have emerged.    they wait for the final three.   Today she was able to be the one to place  the orange slice in the new habitat.   She asks    Do you know how a butterfly tastes?      i don't,  i say   ummm,  they have a long thing,  she interrupts and says    That is the proboscis.  But they actually taste with their feet…touch things,  taste their feet and then if it's good,  eat with their proboscis.   I say    Tell me the the whole story again and she does,  with these new facts now,  how they have provided a new habitat since the emerging.   She uses all the terms  pupa,  chrysalis,  cocoon,  more i don't remeber.  She is like a Saturday Morning Science show.  Sure of her knowledge and taking pleasure in it.   I look forward to First Grade.  

i held my breath yesterday and YES     the finding was FOR  E. Jean Carroll.     i breathe.    but then at the end of the day hear that CNN has arranged a Town Hall with Trump for TODAY,    ……the timing?????   The amazement of this happening at all,  let alone the insensitivity of the timing????     Don't watch but see clips on various places i do watch news,  and most,  i am left with the     laughter     of the audience.   

so i sit here looking at this pic of today…sitting with the image longer,   feeling what it feels like,  all of it,   May 10, 2023   and go back to NPR   All Things Considered….the what often seems like the Easy Listening Channel,  but go back because they told me again about Pando.   Fish Lake National Forest Utah.   Pando,  latin for    I spread.    a tree,  an aspen,  quaking aspen tree,   spaning 80 football fieds,   weighing 6,000 tons.  One single root.   40,000  "stems" ,   a project to record  Pando's  sounds

voice

I think that today marks 2 weeks of chewing up  a plant leaf  and pressing it on the toes of my left foot  each night before i go to sleep.   Chewing 2 small  leaves and swallowing them each night before i go to sleep.   and 2 weeks of progressively  NORMAL toes,  of  very significantly cleared lung function.   Plantain.   First because it was one of the ingredients in the Heal All Salve that i can't get anymore but then thought…….It's only ONE ingredient,  but it's what GROWS here,  EveryWhere,   Grows at B Garden,   offers itself as i walk past day unto day,     and i just DID it.   and both those things,   the only "health issues"  i have,  are  maybe 80,  90%    better,   the toes ,   that had been ongoing maybe a year and a half?   

i am losing hope for this country.   that is my truth.   i don't choose to imagine how it all might go.    but the Hope i have in Children,   in the  Brilliance of this planet Earth   is being FED  day by day through more and more willingness to experiencce what almost feels like Magical Thinking….i am going back to it,   magical thinking,         there's other ways to speak of it and i will take the time to find them as i go.   i need to.   it's all i have to give in exchange.

this is difficult.  Tonight one of the pics keeps disappearing.  I want to just give up for a while,  but i also really want this here because it's how it IS right now and i might not see another right now like this again.   The comprehensive weather app… Weather West  Daniel Swain    when asked if we should expect repeated winters of Atmospheric Rivers….  ' years of drought will continue,  punctuated by wet winters'    like this last.   punctuated.    

Everyday there is something new in this small forest where Nogal and TenZen's  spirits rest….and everything also remains.  It is ALL here.  things beginning,  things continuing and things decay.   the Diversity .   Now the Quail have come.   Up from the steep hillside by the creek.  I think they are going to stay.    i LOVE these branches,  their  Elegance amidst all that are Green and Alive,  they create a complex weave of life having been lived,  having completed its Self.   Faith says they made her think of a wedding bower.   Yes.  so much.   Wedding.   Life weds its Self.  Over and Over and Over because of

Love

typepad is unreliable.   words disappear.   so…when it happens a couple times,  i will just leave the pics.   like now.   

Nogal's forest that we have left closed.   In the last couple weeks become a Thistle Forest????   Many.   Some taller than i am.  An unlikely place,   shady,  fecund….a place for moss and fungus  beside having 3 small sunny glens.   But the Thistles are not in the sunny glens.  more ?????   Why?   am watching.

the   "weather"    rain again,  3 days now   and back to 50's

things continue….    Malabar,   in front of Echinacea,  in front of Madder….inopportune place,     but There      self seeded     i will accept.    the neighbors hybrid wolf dogs loose today.   Not since the initial days when Tay and I  arrived here   and we  "had words".   Goats gathered tight and froze,  staring.   It is not good,  living without    Dog.