windthread

finally

Sleep Over.    But this morning,  in cleaning up and straightening out to get ready,     I Found.   Lost now for maybe a few weeks,  had gotten bumped off  the table  one morning in the still darkness….i'd looked and looked. was bereft   but knowing it had to be here somewhere….let it go.   and today,  found.   Carnelian.     I'm taking it as a Sign.  

he's back at it.   Jack Flash,   head through fence,  needing to be cut out.  At least once a day,  often twice and sometimes 3.  We're going to need to run that chicken wire type stuff along that entire expanse of fence,   because

sometimes i forget to go check just before dark.   and like tonight,  i remember at 9 something that i forgot…sit here….knowing that it wil gnaw at me,  finally getting up and taking the Fat Max spotlight/flash   walk down to see if stuff''s ok.   it was.  Sometimes it might not be.   Would make a long night for him.

coming back i turn the light off and this is what i see.   

i read again,   the news article about Erica Heilman that  Judith Hunter brought  in a link to Us in comments on the  4~6 post.  and then i listened.  Each time it deepens,  the visuals are even more animated and colorfull….in the reading,    there is sound.  

this morning, i woke with the thought…………………..What if i Pretend that Heilman is coming here.   here.   that she arrives.  Down at the big gate.   I've been waiting for her.    What if she arrives to        talk.    How she does.    She would begin with a question,   maybe held within an observaton…..at the Big Gate…she would look up….at and into the Hill   and 

what?

what might she say?

i can pretend that it's actually happening.   can take my time and let it play out however it might or can 

i love the thought of this.

today was Egg Hide Day.   i don't like my picture taken.   but Jenny,  daughter,  said….just once, Ma…..and there's this.   and it fits perfectly with this Pretending about Erica Heilman showing up at the Gate.  

everyone except Jenny's man,  toothache,  came.   Maybe and probably last burn of this year.   Kids alternated playing and work.  Much accomplished.   in the end,   which is drowning the fire…about  an hour and a half  for that…it was just the 4 of us.   Quiet conversation and just doing.    Emrie likes using the heavy duty spray nozzle but her main job was checking for hot spots.   She works.    She takes satisfaction from working,   from doing her part as an equal.

one of the two Old hoodies.   Been in the laundry bag since fall i guess,   so like seeing an old friend.   Some of the threads have worn away or somehow disappeared.   Metta.   Stitched either just before i came here or just after?   i think before,  but not sure.  They seem like such small thoughts  in the context that has risen up in these  last years.  

small thoughts in the context

but nonetheless,    honest.   nonetheless what i would wish for Every One.   some how.   all of us.    mostly…safe.   beyond that, the rest would be on each of us,   but the safe….on All of Us.   Safe.   

a journal entry….not at all thought out.    but so i don't lose it.   

that 3~30 post….that brought Erica Heilman's podcast   RumbleStrip VT.com    What Class Are You?    which has been ongoing in my mind since.   and deciding to WAIT for more episodes before putting any words here  

but yesterday.    On the way home from the Epic Laundry Day…stopping at the "dollar store"  over in Alyssia's part of town which is on a main street of the cross streets of the hub of Oroville's center    because they just recently added an aisle of

fresh vegetables

!

i'd gone once before,  i guess 2 weeks ago  because she told me about it.   Told me that there were TOMATOES…"vine ripe".   She can't eat tomatoes…nightshade…but knows how much i love tomatoes on sandwiches,  knows that i don't buy them off season,  try to grow them and limit myself to that as much as i can but sometimes want them anyway  and she hears me grumble at how un tomatoey they are at the grocery in winter or really any other time of year,  how i get them from the roadside stand on the way into town,  the Farmer's Market * and   Grow Them.   

The first time i looked only for tomatoes and they DID have them and they WERE really….great.   Same quality as those sold at the Upscale grocery store  in town* as far as freshness,  quality….how things revolved around them for some days.   So i went again yesterday  to get more of those tomatoes but i slowed down and looked at all they offered.   Carrots,  bell pepper,  avacado, bags of green leafys,   of broccoli,   stir fry combinations.    the bags of potatoes 5lbs,  onions 3lbs,   heads of lettuce and cabbage.  I just kinda hung out a little,  watching who put things in their cart.   This dollar store gets a lot of Foot Traffic as well as cars.  The shoppers are "dollar store people" .   I don't think i need to explain what i mean by that.   and i thought about how 

I

am a dollar store person.    I regularly go to the one close to here,  on Olive Highway into town.  Toilet paper, paper towel,   dish and laundry soap,  bandaids,  shampoo,  slider zip locks,  the bags of tortilla chips for Goats,  they even have a California brand cheap Cabernet Sauvignon that i like better than the  fancy stuff my son will bring when he comes.  i get yogurt for Emrie and Reese's miniatures.   pistachio nuts,  Sea Salt and Vinegar.   barettes when i lose one.   scrubbing brushes.    I am a dollar store person.   "my" dollar store doesn't have Fresh vegetables.   probably won't.  we are more Rural.    ….. ?   which brings me to thinking about the *.    on foot.   shopping on foot.   Food.   What Food can you find.     How just so Great is this….fresh vegetables ?   that you can get within a     budget    right in town.   I want to know the story of this…how it came to be….how "Family Dollar" company made that decision to create a whole  aisle and make it NICE,  refrigerated as well as it needs to be,  stocked reliably,   "reasonably" priced?    How did that happen?????????? And how great that it did

Food.

on the way out and again,  the way back.   to Hold the epic laundry day. in which        Sweater is washed.   remained intact.    

intact:     not altered, broken, or impaired;  remaining uninjured,  sound,  or whole

in spite of my having  let self become altered,  impaired,   giving in.     I put my face into the blossoms,  asking Tree to stay inside me,   show me,  teach me,   True Just Going

talking to an old friend in Detroit,  Michigan.    who moved to a new neighborhood.    asking her to tell me about it…who lived there,  things like that,  what does she See when she walks down her street.     One of the first things she said….a neighbor,  young woman,   who  "took in mending".    i wanted to know more,  she wasn't sure,  but thought….whatever people needed.     I was born in Detroit.   Lived a chunk of my early adult years there.  Got this sweater,   this oh so beLoved sweater at a Goodwill there.    Due to circumstance,  Sweater  was left on floor of that also Beloved  Honda Car down by the Big Gate when it could no longer be licensed in California.   Brought up a year or so ago and stuck in the SomedayLaundry bag.  i guess….given up on,   like i had to give up on the Honda,   a lot of things,   from my Other life.    There was sadness.   But you let it go.  (?)   

Contact with Poppy.  the young woman who does whatever people need.   Friend said she prefers Text.  I Text.   Sent pic and  today left voice message.   There are 3 holes.   the 2 here and one on the back  of  left sleeve.   I told her what it felt like to hear of a young woman who took in mending.   How i so much believe in making a living with our hands,   or augmenting a living we are required to make some other way.   That i wanted her to know how important this sweater is to me.   How having it mended in Detroit will add a whole new dimension to our lives together,  me and Sweater

tomorrow is Seasonal Laundry Day at Alyssia's.   it's all packed in bags,  already out in the vehicle that is parked just out front of the door….ready to go first thing tomorrow.   Sweater will go in with Wools.  Alyssia  has a new washer with a delicate cycle.  The SpiderWebShawl that LaceLady made and gifted.  all my winter wool socks.   and then it's supposed to be no rain for a few days  so they can air dry on the fence of the Doe Forest…or ,  no….i think Sunny Ray's fence.     

if she says yes,  i'll send to her.      Mending       mends.    many things.