Storks Bill        This year,  particularly just outside the big gate,  near the Plumcot and Pear.   Thick.   What will those moments be  like someday in the next weeks or so?   sometimes referred to as ballistic dispersal.   up to 500 ft.   

a YouTube     Absolutely Awn – Some   elegant photography,  an  odd ending….but ……

that first time i saw them….watering the seed beds in the Wall Garden,  just dirt   sprinkling with the hose,  and suddenly the earth came alive….began moving ….looking like threads or something,  rising up,  spinning slow…..it was frightening.  I leaned in close and watched  as it repeated over and over.   so visable because it was a seed bed.   You would never notice in places like the pic above…would be hidden.    i felt and still feel incrediby lucky.   To be witness to the absolute briliance of this Life Form….   How did this miracle evolve?   Why?…such extravagance???????       i'd not read before today,   provides a green dye,  needs no mordant.  a staple in the diet of many indigenous people.    and the Beauty Full thing…..this was unknown until a study led by Univ  NC  Dennis Evangeista  in     2011.    2011.   Twelve years ago.  12.   

 

they all went in search of a place for sledding.    and found it.    Elevation is magic.  Butte  Meadows.    Emrie's  snow being.   

 

trying to figure out where i am as i come Out of these last months of California Winter.   Things are changed.   it's not at all clear how,  to what extent.  or,   if it's temporary and things might even fall back into more familiar place?

the only thing i feel like i KNOW at this moment is that i    do not want   to hurry things,  do not want to push things into familiarity because of the discomfort.    A strong sense of needing to take time.   to find out what happens if i do,    and maybe understand what has happened ,  before Just Going.   Because,   of course,       there will be Just Going.    

this RED saftey pin was    just here    on the morning table yesterday.   i don't know it.   don't remember having it.    it must have been here all along somehow and yesterday falling out from where it's been…presenting itsSelf.   

if i'd known where to go for such,  yesterday i would have gotten in the vehicle and gone to buy potting clay.  say,  5lbs.  terra cotta potting clay.   come home and found some wire,  made an armature and begun forming a figure.  say maybe  7 inches tall.  i would then,  i imagined,  over the next days,  make Her clothes,  body coverings of cloth scrap.  tiny ones.    different outfits,  not just one.   i would make Her some kind of basket or bowl.   set the Red Safety Pin in it.    i would make Her a

dog    

morning in the Tin House.

i'd wanted to talk about Storks Bill.    but

Erica Heilman.    Rumble Strip VT.com     the first in a series:    What Class are You?   

i hold her in such Love and High Regard.     that she found a question that can OPEN to so so many threads,  such vast array of possibility for thought, wondering and conversation.    so just to say i hope you find it as amazing as i am,   it all  being So Much and can't be explored here….it takes a

conversation

back and forth  and this format doesn't allow that.   But i hope you can go there and then talk to your Self or those with whom you do converse .     It's Beauty Full.

 

 

through these long days of Rain and grief,   the Blanket of Spirals  has remained….there….ahead of where i am at the Everything Table.   Hoilding.    Holding all the Goodness.   Keeping it.    Saying…….    here.  for you.   when you're ready.  

on the bench across,   all the X Large Ziplocks   of scraps and over on the end of the bed,  same.   Right next to me,  the smaller bags of kept pieces.   Everything here,   as if i was still sewing any minute

 but i didn't   and i don't know why but i  didn't.    Today,   tho it was still ALL RAIN,   i       feel    them.   

 

 

and then i'll let it be.    i didn't know i could….Alyssia showed me how to bring pics here from the Archives.    

and that's Liz's  silk pouch,   Wendy's words inside,   left of the Dancing Stick.   

Emrie   going on 6 yrs       Zoey,  their other dog,   going on 12.      Earth   going on  4.544 billion   

f

 could not be more perfect.    Glancing out the Morning Window.   Last night,   thunder,  hail,  Great Wind.   and here…the hammock swing that Emrie and i had  just untangled,   Flung.   But so Beauty FULL y  flung….    The bamboo Dragon chime,  Still,  Still somehow remaining.   Those towels,  still.   how they've been there weeks now,  hung there in hopes of drying so they could be packed up for someday laundry,   still.  Hanging.       This pic is so perfectly emblematic of these last months,  these days now that are ordinarilary …spring….   

so…perfect.  and if i do go on to find a new way here,   this pic can be returned to over and over  to Receive it all as it goes,  as it pauses,  as it just is a Still Image of how it is. 

 

#1      3/ 23/23    FIX   

i want to

i  am trying to

FIX 

What i can't.   What is not mine to Fix.

i can't make Tay's changes easier to live with.       The Earth will do what the Earth will do.

maybe it's as simple as that.    ?      .

#2     3/25 /23   THE words

a few weeks ago i had written to Wendy.  Telling her that Tay had died and asking if it might be possible to Borrow back the Tay Cloth that i had made some years ago for the children in her healing space.   She responded yes,  but it was in storage,  that she would be moving again and would send soon as possible.  

the other morning,  watching Morning come over the Rise,  through the curtain of downpouring rain….i closed my eyes and silently called out…..Help.  Please.    Mid morning an email from Wendy.  She would be moving the first of April,  would send the Cloth as soon as it was unpacked and then,

these words

"I hold with you the ineffable,   deeply grinding,   and necessary grief that leads us somewhere Else…always in service of Life"  Wendy Golden Leveitt

these words.    that     Help.   that speak of how it feels,  and also point to a Truth….always in service of Life.   I can go.  with these words.    I'll write them on a small piece of  paper  and place them in a very small silk pouch  that Liz made and sent in 2021.  Sometime i'll take a pic.   Ok for now.   Thank you to EveryOne who has stayed here with me.   

#3    3/26/23    Archive

and the Archivist,  Marti.    in comments of  yesterday.   Beloved Marti.   She brings a link to a post of  12/28/2014  Steadfast.  

as i say a lot…i don't go back in the archives.   Don't look back.   Here,  she found a post that i could not have imagined being there.   So tied to today,  so Threaded to     now.   surreal.    and how grateful i am that there has been this Pause,  this experiment,  this need to linger.  giving Time for her to follow the thread of her intuition and search,    Find.   How it brings the Dog Cloth,  the Tay Cloth,  but also  so much more.   Perfect for this present when so much is in Question.   

i read back some posts before,   to who i was then.   To What     Then was.    it's like reading the  story of some person.   a person i know very well.    but someone Else.   Who lived in a different world.   and………….somehow,  it's also as if All That still exists.  ???    Last night i thought it was time to move along.   but now….i need to stay some.   FEEL what all this is.    Maybe find Why it's been given?   How it can inform and  offer new and good meaning to how things are now.

Thank You,  Marti.    Beyond Thank You

 

 

   

  

 

i want to pause.   to let things take time.  to not  "move along".   

i am behind in response to comments again.   and part of the reason for that is that there are many recently that seem to want slow consideration.  Because there are things to learn by taking time.   in responding to them and also letting them open out.  

 maybe i can just keep the same Pic a few days in a row and assign a day #….1,  2,,,3,,,?  and just add to the original words???? Everything seems in question,   feels in question.   so to shift gears,  maybe just stop.   sit.   stay    instead of keeping up a pace.  To ask questions,  then wait long enough for something to form…….?………  .   So maybe because this is more and more a journal of everything,   maybe i'll just try it.   

down by the fence that is inbetween the Feed Shed and  Jack Flash's place….along in front of the Chicken Palace that Talkie could care less about….   there have always been these,  but this time,  they flourish,  the mother plants are tall and broad and they are in profusion.   Lush.   and  the  Goats don't touch them.    ????    if you press a leaf in your fingers,   there is a scent,  a fragrance that is somehow similar  to pachouli…maybe just in that it is punguent?    it is so interesting.   What the Goats DO eat and what they just Don't.    How do they "decide"…what  "tells" them….and what does what tells them  Tell them.  ???   and  remember,  they also do not eat the Miner's Lettuce.   We eat handfulls.   more ????

i had to shovel out debris that washed down in front of the Feed Shed door.  Alyssia was bringing bale of grass hay…the 3 string and it's big.  Door needs to fully open to accomodate.   Did it and sat on the half way up resting chair.   I saw Ginger down near Jack's and didn't think anything.    As the Doe Goats get older they begin spending time to themSelves apart from the rest.  Off and On.   no pattern.   So she was down there but then began coming up and would stop and turn her head up….her pace quickened and she stopped,  came along,  stopped and began calling.   no answer.   she veered over into the trees across the road and followed the path there,  her calling becoming more and more urgent.  then back out onto the road and she began running up toward the Tin House,  Calling  Calling   then standing.   Before taking off at a clip up to the ridge there that leads down to the meadow.   Not long after,  they All came up the road,  her in their midst.     Was the first time i've seen this whole scenario.   They don't mind being off on singular business,  but clearly only if they know where everyone else is.     interesting.

Was in a mood.   Asking the Nothing……how many times will i need to say    OKay.   as in because there is nothing else to say but Okay.   Like reading the News about potential comotion upcoming because someone is being asked to be accountable for things.  On both sides.   and you read it and it makes no good sense but it will happen,  so you think….Okay.    and how the headline was Flying Blind into Climate Change and you read it and say to Self…wellllll,  okay          How many things that are "wrong" in my lifelong sense of things will i just  take in and just say….okay…….and how this contributes to my present frame of mind that is pretty much in accordance to Rain/noRain to which there is nothing else to say but     Okay.   Yesterday,  RAIN.  Today not.  Tomorrow RAIN.    Okay.   and they say it will continue on into……April?????????,    okay.

i joined a Face Book Group of New Mexico Cooking.   Someone was talking about getting beans in Estancia.   Estancia beans are beyond the best.   i thought….okay.   but this was okay.