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All day

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Other than 3 wheelbarrows of compost and Care,  i have read all day.  I have many thoughts.  You can see toes in the pic.  Barefoot day.

"All we ask is to be allowed to remain the writers of our own story.  That story is everchanging.  Over the course of our lives, we may encounter unimaginable difficulties.  Our concerns and desires may shift.  But whatever happens, we want to retain the  freedom to shape our lives in ways consistent with our character and loyalties."

Atul Gawande

and i forgot to say.  Like it is sometimes with books,  i will need to finish it NOW.  I will read on this evening and then early tomorrow until it is finished.    And then i can think.

 

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34 responses to “All day”

  1. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    I knew you would love it.

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  2. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    oh…i know you Knew…oh, and just eeeeeeeeeeeeee and oh
    and it is so incredibly perfect for this time, but also OPENS
    OUT so many thoughts about our own responsibility for OURSELVES,
    to really PARTICIPATE when we can, are Intact, in what we Hope
    as it goes. Not leaving it to others, that is an unholy burden,
    but to take it on As It Goes in the Fullest way we can Imagine.
    THANK YOU, THANK YOU , THANK YOU for telling me about this book
    GIANT LOVE,

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  3. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    I have placed a hold … we are so fortunate to have a great local library and Austin public library, too

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  4. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    I will be going to the library tomorrow. Also looking forward to reading more of your thoughts…….have a blessed evening.

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  5. yvette Avatar
    yvette

    interesting, very!
    it’s one of those synchrome paths we walk
    it’s almost translated in dutch!!!
    love

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  6. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    Ok so I couldn’t wait …for the first time ever I ordered from the library on line. Having spend all last week being witness to the BEAUTIFUL passing of my mother in law I feel like I want to learn all I can in order to not only help myself but others I love leave this earth as peaceful and courageously as she did.

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  7. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    How important is this path we’re sharing. Thank every one.

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  8. julie Avatar
    julie

    Yes to all but as Grace says, it is also about how we want to live, not just how we want to die.

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  9. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    I remember reading a book far into the night when I had a job interview the next day … couldn’t put it down until I reached the end (which was a disappointing end, but I got the job in spite of sleep deprivation). And no, I don’t recall the book, the plot, the details … only that I couldn’t put it down.
    I just left this quote on Fiona’s blog … it fits here, too.
    “I don’t remember much of what I’ve read. My lifelong capacity for forgetting distresses me. I glance at a book on the shelf that I once read with avid interest … and while I struggle for the details, all I recall is the excitement of the reading.”
    Lynne Sharon Schwartz, Ruined by Reading: A Life in Books
    Which is why I love re-reading … re-discovering whatever magical place took me away from the world the first (or second or third) time around.

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  10. patriciaspangler47@gmail.com Avatar
    patriciaspangler47@gmail.com

    hey Julie! a topic near and dear to my heart. and i wonder they aren’t actually both parts of the same thing?

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  11. patriciaspangler47@gmail.com Avatar
    patriciaspangler47@gmail.com

    there’s huge relief in reading this–glad it’s a shared condition.

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  12. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    It has been said that a terminal diagnosis is the huge pause in the circle of life, allowing, if they so choose, both the one who is dyeing and family answer the question of shaping the end of life either to be consistent with the way we have lived our life or allowing us to step back,evaluate, and adjust if this is what comes to us.
    From my own experience with my parents deaths, I know that I will ease as best I can, the responsibility and worry for my children. In the days when my parents died, we had no advance health care directives, etc.
    Years ago I watched an eye opening documentary on cancer on my local PBS station. Two families, both fathers, terminal. The one family, high powered, stressed, insisting on third and fourth opinions,demanding more drugs, even though the patient said nothing and he was alert. Wife and children sitting in silence, not speaking, lists being made, arguing as he lay there and watched and I remember feeling so sad for him.
    The other family, quiet, bringing their lunch because they didn’t want to spend $ in the hospital cafeteria as the narrative stated but I think they wanted to spend as much time as possible with their loved one. Gentle, loving, kind, playing a guitar, singing, telling stories, stroking his arms, putting a soft wet cloth to his forehead, climbing into the hospital bed, holding him, love surrounding him.
    Both families, living life as they know it. I tried to make no judgement here in the retelling because until you have lived in these families shoes, who knows how you would handle family death.
    In my own life I was present for the passing of both of my parents, they died in my arms, gentle and loving. Now I am faced with another impending death, my sister, and this is a distant death, estrangement off and on for many years, I cannot go to her, so I wait and I will just say that life evaluation and what if’s are front and center and it is hard and it is real and it all is under-laid with love…

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  13. beth Avatar
    beth

    Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts, Grace. And thank you for this Marti.
    Sorry to not have been more present in comments here lately. I’ve been coming by a couple times a week and catching up on several days at a time. By then there are a lot of comments and I don’t find myself with much to add. But still happy to have the sense of community here.
    I wanted to share a dream I had a few days ago… In my dream, I decided to get in the car and just drive. To NM. To come and see you. I drove for two days and got there early evening of the second day. You were not home, but several women were there. Marti was. And I don’t know who all else, but women from here on the blog. I got out of the car and Marti said, “hello Beth.” And I was stunned because I had told no one I was coming. And I asked, how did you know it was me? And she laughed and said, of course we knew you would come. And the other women laughed. You were expected home soon and everyone was preparing food for your arrival. A table was set, there were flowers, soft voices, laughter, stories. And it was just so warm, comfortable, loving, and well… Wonderful. I woke up smiling and carried that warm feeling all day. So yes, community. Even in this strange electronic virtual way.

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  14. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Subconscious at work here, meant to spell dying, instead spelled the word as dyeing as if by the magic of my cauldron, I could change life events…!

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  15. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    grace, I know you will want to add your own thoughts to this but I couldn’t resist:
    Beth, this is amazing because many years ago when grace and I were in our writing circle, we spoke of such a gathering. In those days grace called her home her agricultural substation and we spoke of bringing our sleeping bags, building a communal fire, camping out although I was reluctant due to the possibility of encounters with snakes…One day I created a scenario almost exactly like the one you depict, down to who would make what food, who would bring wine, who would dance around the fire (why, me of course!, etc.) It did not come to pass however because the time and the sense of community were not as strongly felt…

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  16. beth Avatar
    beth

    I’ve harbored a little fantasy about doing this journey. Even to the point of looking at the map. This dream just completely filled me. It was so vivid with light, sounds, cooking smells, laughter, and the beauty of women gathering. The memory of the dream, almost as strong as if it had truly happened.

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  17. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    dreaming into being

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  18. patriciaspangler47@gmail.com Avatar
    patriciaspangler47@gmail.com

    i have the same dream!

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  19. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    Julie….I needed that reminder….THANK you!!

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  20. grace Avatar
    grace

    Libraries. Yes. I find though that i most often really NEED
    to write in margins. underline. fold over page corners.

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  21. grace Avatar
    grace

    really, so you Know of it????? already?????

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  22. grace Avatar
    grace

    I am so so so Happy for you and happy it has left you with wanting
    to learn more. your husband’s mother was a great great Teacher.

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  23. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes. that we Speak of things outloud

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  24. grace Avatar
    grace

    and to Liz above, i remember little of the details of Anything
    and Everything. it’s ALL there tho on that Rolodex in my head,
    and i know that if i take the book in my hands and flutter through
    it will arise again.
    I love it most when i RE read, to see all the notations i made, underlined and to often see that in the years passing, it is as
    if i am a different person reading, i mark NEW passages.
    I find that i remember not the words, but VISUAL scenes that the
    words gave me. A mind full of pictures…that Slide Show Thing,
    click, click click

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  25. grace Avatar
    grace

    you are blessed with Great Learnings

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  26. grace Avatar
    grace

    This is so unexpected
    so Beauty Full that you tell this dream
    it is the kind of dream we used to work with when i was doing
    the Intensive Journaling back in the 80’s….we would write
    the dream as we “saw” it and then after quieting , take it
    forward from there….write a story forward
    and i love that Marti greeted you….

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  27. grace Avatar
    grace

    even if we only Write it. Write the Story.

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  28. grace Avatar
    grace

    who knows……….

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  29. yvette Avatar
    yvette

    Grace sent me a while ago a drawing. where she put me in the circle…it felt so good!

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  30. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Oh … I quite agree. Library books are wonderful for sampling though … then I buy my own copy of those I want to keep and annotate.

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  31. grace Avatar
    grace

    you are necessary
    in my
    circle

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  32. Judith in N. CA Avatar
    Judith in N. CA

    I am so stunned by your dream…can’t find the words…but what you described has been a fantasy of mine..a day dream.

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  33. grace Avatar
    grace

    a DAY dream

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  34. Judith in N. CA Avatar
    Judith in N. CA

    Now that I’ve had a bit of time to think on it, I think it was a daydream but wonder…was it in that time where I was neither here nor there but all the details were so vivid. How excited I was to meet each of the women…to just take IN them being all THERE. I could go on and on but I’m sure you’ve already done the same. What an event that might be…

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