windthread

they stayed later than Alyssia had intended.  Emrie had things she needed to do.  She needed us,  me and her,  to build a tower with her blocks.  A certain kind.   She needed to dump out the entire basket of her stuff to find all the parts she could of her little horse's  fence and gate and Stable,  but the floor pieces wasn't there…probably over at the sprinkler,  but she worked at getting it all to STAND anyway because she needed to.   Which borders on "demanding"  and legitimate Agency.   She'd worn her really great Daisy Dress which has the attached shorts…one piece,  and had to pee.   Entire thing needs to come off for that.   Refused to put it back on.  It is HOT.   strangely muggy.   and during this,  Puppy appeared outside meoooooowing in such a small voice. I told Alyssia to go see if she could get her and bring her in.  I don't know why….maybe the smallness of her voice?   She has been living pretty much down at Campsite A under the picnic table there.  She's always there when i arrive to give water.  She has stopped almost entirely eating her cat food which i put out for her every morning when i feed the Goats….she's fat.  There are voles and lizards.   There are 2 cats i see sometimes at the big gate.  They run away when i come.  Friends?  or is she guarding.

Alyssia brought her in.    Ordinarily when she has come IN,  she darts Under things,  keeps her distance except for the couple nights i let her stay because of RAIN and she slept on the bed with me.   But she's not an indoor being.   This time tho,  she jumped up on the couch bed.  Watched Emrie work and stayed still for petting.  ???????

Agency.     "in social science,  agency is defined as the capacity of individuals to act independently and to make their own free choices.  By contrast,  structure are those factors of influence (such as social class, religion, gender, ethnicity, ability, customs, etc) that determine or limit an Agent and their decisions. "   Wikipedia       I first was aware of Agency when i was hanging out with Alz B ….still in her home but beginning to act in ways that questioned the wisdom/safety of honoring her Agency.  And then on,  through her years at the "old folks home",  Good Samaritan,  when her Agency chipped  away  little by little.  And then there was the Old Cowboy's Agency as he moved toward his death and Into his death.   And then,  my Self.   Moving into merging my own Agency with  Jenny and Alyssia's.  

i watch the news.  a lot.  most often i watch people's faces.   sometimes i read the words.   sometimes i listen to them,  but not so much their words,  but the sound of their voices.  I watch how they stand.   Most of this is about the deep societal wound around Black Lives.  It has my complete attention.   I watched Biden at the community conversation in Kenosha Wisconsin.  There,  a young woman,  same age as Alyssia spoke.  Porsche Bennett .   She said to him…you need the truth and i am part of that truth.  She spoke, 5 minutes.  You can google this.   i watched her and felt her.   i could feel ….her.  So weary.   A young woman,  so soft spoken.  So so weary.    Agency.   Puppy CHOSE to come close.   To let us.  let us be close.   A cat.  

Tomorrow it's supposed to be 108 degrees.   Right now it's 9:18 pm and 99 degrees.   

SUNDAY MORNING CORRECTION:   88 degrees, not 99.