words are BeautyFull. Language is BeautyFull. between those who speak that same. for whom the words have shared meaning. What if you are communicating with
Those
who do not speak the same?
some Thing Else is required. Space. a kind of Whole Being Felt Sense [Eugene Gendlin] that can give Rise to
communication….sharing. Sharing. For that Well Being of the Whole.
the old rusted cast iron.
Langer: the close to irresistible urge to give Words, to contain with words, the amount of words it takes to
not
give things words……..
the Thing still of the SunFlowers. that "statement" of Theirs…NOT coming from my mind or somehow inspired by it, but truly separate from me. coming from Other. Of Them. and not in
words
words take time. a sentence takes time. Why aren't we enough? at least 4 seconds?…but how it was was immediate, the whole thing, a flash. an Impression? Is this how Goats think?, animals think? instantaneous impressions of ? How do brains experience without words?
i can not find an answer, ie: understand and "come up " with an answer…it's not possible for what this Is.
it's just living it. a Happening. and when it Happens, take it in. It comes as an experience, which Happens when things are
"aligned"? ?? HAPPENS is the Key. and again,
What if It is there all along and i missed it, KEEP missing IT…It being, the chance of a lifetime.
late. Dusk. time is tilting in. finished giving water and went up to where Bill's father Lee's old chair is, all the things that are there , to get the tall enamel pot and it…..Still Had Sludge In It….this would be from 2018….
before thinking, i poured it out………..i wish i hadn't….what kind of WHAT might have been in there???????
the other place…the stenographer's pad or a facsimile, and an average day is maybe 3 pages. the writing becomes larger and less orderly, arrows increase. and i rarely go back unless looking for a specific thing and then, ordinarily give up trying to find it.
What if it is there all along and i missed it? Keep Missing it…IT. ? i go from this.
in the Other Real, Emrie returned to school today after having missed the first full week of kindergarten because of Covid. She didn't want to go back. But….they brought ice today afterward and she said it was a GOOD day and wearing her mask, gave a full if muffled report on it all, only half i could understand but she was satisfied. Satisfied with kindergarten. Stuff was just OK. I asked if they sing , if she sings there and she said… Only in my head. I'd asked Alyssia to tell Ms Johnson that i would like to offer additional materials that she might have on a wish list. Any thing. i'd like to provide what i am able. Ms. Johnson's response was….she would really appreciate 28 paper bags. grocery bags. They are going to make books.
Jenny's man was here this morning, down at campsite A by the big Gate. His old dog Jesse has large tumors and increasingly didn't know how to get to the door to go Out. A leg stopped working last week. He is 15. The first vet we had came. The one who didn't know how to work her ultrasound to diagnose pregnancy, but did a gentle and efficient Putting Down of Cinderella and then Just Going. She has changed her vet practice to only Palliative Care. a death doula. and she is Good. I'd asked him yesterday if he would like company for this and he said no. He came and dug the grave out in that meadow that will be near where he and Jenny want to build a house. I think tonight how Jessie is there. on his first night in his different form.
Why all this on blog? not just the steno pad? Pics. Photographs are PROOF
Zinnia. finally. after Puppy napped on most.
timing: salt cedar sticks from Jan ….
"How do i know what I mean until I see what I say" Trickster's Hoard Margey Knott Aug. 19
the drawing…hands…use not known…undrawn
fig Giving all for the one last chance
Deb G. Ellen Langer almost simultaneous with Sunflowers question
that question
coyotes
Mercy at death's door and then at the bowl
Walnut tree…itself and me ….going
pines suddenly Dancing ?????????!
Crepe Myrtle Essence
Entangled Life
all the while, Covid has found us
so much lately about looking back, the Maestas…wanting to sever that, and then all the NM love and today the daughter cloth even…why?
the energetic field that functions of its own accord and always welcomes us if we
notice
the ones who asked that Question…post of 8/23….
?Why are we not enough?
the Spokespersons.
Why did i not picture them on that post?
i need to do something different here. it needs to be just journaling for a while. Random. as it comes. No explanation. Not sure how that might go. or not.
I woke at 3 something…still dark…a soft soft breeze at the windows, dark still, dark at the screen door and i lay there, barely "conscious", eyes open tho and aware that i'd woken up from sleep, and the …..thought…..words…..came, This is a great life. softly, those words, soft words, like just breath….that light… but very clear and certain. this is a great life. and i smiled. and within moments, the concerns and requirements of the day ahead appeared. But they had different weight, different meaning. very different.
this is a great life. where do these words come from?
same place as the Sun Flowers asking Why aren't we enough?
so i don't know. But something is taking place. Of its Own accord. I am to: notice I am to: Let it in
and this is enough to say here for now.
above. the Walnut trees on the road to Gridley. that first year when we evacuated and i stayed two weeks at the Fairgrounds with the Goats, but then…Rain came so i came back to town. But drove that stretch of road and saw a
walnut tree
there are more than one, i see now. Not sure how many…it's difficult…always a vehicle coming up from behind and the speed limit is not one for slowly looking at trees…
but more than one, more than THAT one tree that has remained in my heart. and they are full. laden. i will return in the next weeks to find them fallen. Yesterday, i picked some. Will put in the cast iron pot.
the little butterfly shape in hair….my friend Raina sent Emrie many things some of which were little clip Hair Prettys, all rainbow colored, i think 6 or 8 and Emrie wanted me to have one. I wear it every day. mine is a peach orangie pinkish which is kind of amber. I like it a lot. Like knowing it's there somewhere on my head. I should have taken a pic. I should have colored it in here.
this One had had its back to me all along. I saw, yesterday, that it was leaning and then forgot. This evening, had leaned over completely onto the young Manzanita. Got a bamboo stick and some ToadEgg cloth and…………………………!
that question: Why are we not enough?
and to reiterate, even more clearly,
the blossoms were still here this evening.
Cal Fire. I thought about this today. Butte County "contracted" with Cal Fire this year. There is a new "fire app" called Watch Duty. These two things. I hear the sirens going up Olive Highway….i click into Watch Duty. if it's a fire, info is there. Sometimes its vehicle accidents or small incidents of different kinds. But with Watch Duty i can track a nearby fire almost immediately and they update every 15 min or so. Cal Fire does not hesitate. They have totally consistently been On It. i thought about how it has made a real difference this season. i feel now like we have a good chance. And that's enough.
and back to the blossoms. i sat quietly there, just looking at EveryOne. How it's not a lush garden. but a garden. a garden of many plants, growing. I looked at the two Hopi Sunflowers that face me as i sit in that plastic adirondack chair, their small and complete perfect faces high atop spindly stalks and they Asked: Why are we not enough?
I realize i imagine a midwest garden….here. on granite with the minimal amendment i have supplied so far. I have made no raised beds. there is way more rock and stone than earth. I see them. those SunFlowers, see the bell pepper, crookneck squash. tomatoes, cucumbers, the one green bean and Malabar, the patty pan that can manage one at a time. They are so much, enough. If i give them more, they can give me more. WE. US. Together. They do their Best. And very clearly, the "statement "….i need to save their seeds. Their seeds will remember this summer of 2022.
fact: it's 11:22 p.m . 84 degrees. typical.
there are 4 grow bags with green beans. They all developed some kind of dry leaf something. But also, continued.
maybe a motto of mine might be ignorance is bliss?….not really bliss, but somehow…excused? i say…i don't know, and that somehow excuses me?
the vines grew. they're spindly. All the newer leaves are as one would hope leaves would be and little blossoms appear but they dry up. i was giving water yesterday, there, and also on phone with Alyssia and describing to her the little blossoms…there are 3, when i saw the BEAN.
right after i took this pic i ate it. It was meaty. crunchy. and SO Green Bean. so………………………….again. What this says to me is that i CAN. It is POSSIBLE. What else this says to me is that …………i don't know………..doesn't cut it. I don't know needs to be followed by, I'll find out. That Bean Plant did the Very Best it Could. Did I?, not really.
