windthread

 

 

 

 

what if it were sudden.  and unexpected.   ?   No explanation for why.   The ones that she had become dependent WITH,  simply did not appear.  The means of communication,  the cell phone,  no longer functioning with only her half of the financial support,  disconnected from the ether.  She is here.  The Hill is here.   Everything is here,  seemingly as it always has been since she came.  But now,  just her.   She is mute.  Her language sounds seem what?,  i don't know,  but seem well…out of place.  So she remains silent.

 

 

 

At first the Other People just watch her.  Turn their Attention toward her,  sensing her Need.  

                                                                 ~~~~~~~~~…..~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i seem to have reached some point with my ability to just eat news.   Consume the bullshit and deliberate confusions.  I'm not able to see anything in particular that tipped the balance,  but it tipped.  Any sane and kind being would not accept what's happening in this country.  Never before would this country be willing to stand by and watch.  We have reached a limit,  i think.  And anything can happen.  It's our choice.  I don't know what we can do.  I have no ready solution.  Maybe we just keep going?  the result,  the consequences will be what they will.   So, i think this is why i am wandering in to this Other Thinking.  Maybe it's a kind of Asking for HELP.  From the Hill.  The Beings of the Hill.   Asking that they give me another way of communicating.  Asking them to show me….how it is with and for Them.   

 

 

 

 

 

Jude,  without knowing,  tripped it.  A response on Spirit Cloth..  about being  a documentary….and i just tripped out with that.   I guess i am learning how to live with RAIN DAYS when that's all there is…RAIN and to not have opinions about it but just receive…as this Forest Hill receives.  Graciously,  with upheld open arms and an open HEAD to fly free with any manner of   thoughts,  and it was mid morning and i read that….documentary and eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEeeeEEEEEEEE 

and i'd just listened to NPR WEEKEND EDITION,  Sophie Mackintosh,  author of  The Water Cure,  which is said to be the latest in the Feminist Dystopia  world.  I always am attracted to them,  like magnetically,  but i don't go there.  I am impressionable and things don't serve my sense of well being,  but none the less, i am pulled.  Tho i don't go.

Dystopia:  a community, a society that is undesirable or frightening.  It translates as "not good place" and is antonym of  Utopia.

and i was given this whole MOVIE of an elder  woman.  My documentary.  not really,  cause it would be imagined.  But still…..  

She doesn't know what happend.  Were they Taken?  or,  just not coming back?

She is here.  On a Hill.  Space enough for an entire life.  What does she do?    Without them?

at first,  a sign might read:  i need laying hens.  Money in box.

People passing by might read the sign.  At first,  not knowing what to think,  but then,  stopping,  reading,  and

RESPONDING

There is a crate,  wooden,  6 laying hens.  Money gone.

it begins as curiosity but then becomes more.  The sign says EGGS.  there are eggs.  the box for whatever.  After while,  there is a sign that says:   Mending.  Mending Services.

So she begins by writing signs that she leaves down at the end of the road.  Signs.  and she leaves a tin box.  

~~~~~

Jenny called.  She's coming.  i say…o….it's Raining,  and she says she is coming,  "no time like the present",  my daughter,  Jenny.  So she shows up and it IS raining and it's wet/cold but she just goes.  Maybe she is the queen of Just going.   I put on my  rain jacket she bought me last year when i'd just arrived from my desert and i find it roomy and very good over the great wool sweater i got at the new Goodwill some weeks ago  and we unload fence materials for Campsite B,  because i'd mentioned some days ago needing to go forward with the planting there,  house or no house,  and we walked.  Looking.  In the RAIN  on the East,  we drifted off into the forest there and saw AMAZING growth  of Turkey Tail…just in the last 2 days

We marveled.

and unloaded the T posts for the fencing of the small perimeter space of B.

I kept the visions of the Turkey Tail for the documentary.

 

 

 

 

Rain  all day.  HIGH Wind,  gusting.     This Cloth…about how Some Thing is always born of Everything….a cloth for a day like this.   This Hill Forest receives,  open armed.    you can feel it breathing in the seeping,   branches reaching up into Sky.

i dreaded going to do the evening Feed….Tenzen had yet to enter his new hut.   I'd tried to lure him in with peanuts for two days,  but no dice.   Would he be out in the middle of it all,  all soggy?  What would/could i DO, if so?  But..no.  There he was,  peering out,  all dry and comfy in his rice straw bed.  Maybe i'll listen to K.d.  sing Hallelujah.   

 

like i know Emrie,  now.  From Birth.  

Alyssia is like some kind of Bower Bird.  She collects and places stuff.   not for a mate,  but for her Self.  All this stuff, infant  to toddler,  bright plastic colors.  Drives me nuts.  This bed,   no where really to put it,  but it was on Craig's List.  The mattress is the one i used in the car at the Fairgrounds.   

When you know someone   A Being,  from birth.  And then somehow they are  Women.   ?    How does that happen?  And i forgot to say.  

there in the foreground is a bird.   I'd set it there,  knowing i was going to go there to take that pic.  Dead bird,  its eye,  just a circle in its skull.  I took it to the Janet Chair over at the Young Manzanita.  Set it.  Life.  it's short and well,  short.

 

Jenny had a thing about tulips.  I don't know if she still does,  but i did put this tulip on the upper left corner of the Daughter Cloth….a Tulip and a Moon.

The three of us…different.   I breathe   in.  breathe out.    Don't have the energy to go there so much this eve.  Emrie and i spent the eve together.  Making do.  We played with flashlights and her doll people.   Alyssia and Julian went to the place,  PLACE,  they will be living now, soon.   Against all odds,  they got some THING.    Since the Fire,  there has been NO PLACE to rent.  There is a housing crisis here, since the Fire.  But they got an interesting and odd Place.  She took it.    It brings her to about 10 minutes away, if we go the back way.  Julian is excited.  There are 3 cats,  feral.  Two had names,  but the grey one,  not.

He said he needed a non gender name.   It was his primary issue of the day.  I said….Shadow.  

the Doe Goat Shelter.   Particularly because of Cinderella,  it's where her final days took place.  All the bedding.  I raked and pitch forked out over the weekend.  Straw,  manure,  urine.   COMPOSTABLE BIOMAS.   Earth Food. Now it needs to get down to Campsite B and then further to the Wall Garden at A.   The chosen method is to pile it onto a large tarp.  use that tarp as a sled to pull it.  Jenny and Julian and i did one on the weekend.  Easy.  Today,  it was me and Emrie.  Not quite so easy,  but we did it.  Her little legs.   I love.  LOVE  her little legs.  Two more trips to B and then the rest down to A.

to have faith in Stuff.

to have faith that it will somehow amount to Something.  To not know what the Something exactly IS,  but to have

Faith in it.

Addendum ~ ready to give it up for the day,  coming back one more time and how the finger strays  and how it touched Sam Baker in the right column,  Mercy

that began,   the gentle motion of the sounds,  Mercy.  Old words.  Faith.  Mercy.  We go.

 

Food.   Not quite Dana's Table,  but the food on it,  well……

The crab legs came from the little market a ways  down the road.  I think it's where all the Winery people shop.  Gormet.  An exquisite deli.  I just got the crab.  Alyssia brought the artichokes.  I got Julian his lemon pound cake from Lakeside and a small carton of KitKat ice cream.  He also had a thin Flat Iron Steak that the butcher there cuts.  Good thing,  because he was not so much for the crab which was OK with his mother.   I made hollandaise sauce with Talkie's eggs,  which curdled a little,  i don't have a whisp here,  used that old egg beater,  but it was good and Emrie's favorite part.  Shells and spent artichoke leaves flew and we made a grand mess that i am leaving to tomorrow morning.  New Year.  we can go back to hamburger meat and sauteed kale now.  It's a new year.  We begin again.  

I forgot to say…the orange handled clippers are Goat Hoof Trimming tool.  I sterilized.  Perfect for King Crab.

 

s

this is the Daughter Cloth.   the daughter brought it to me a couple days ago.  

I'd sent it with her the first time she left New Mexico.  With the Goats.   As she notes,  everything i make for her is unfinished.  This is true.  It's very unfinished,  but enough to send with her.  I said someday i'd finish it.   It's back now.  Someday has come.

it was in the midst of Jude's Online Classes.  Jude Hill.  Spirit Cloth.   the great part of it is woven scrap household cloth,  all stained and worn that i found over time at the thrift shop.  The strips are 2 and 3".   I stood on a ladder to weave them and at the same time baste them to a light weight cotton blanket,  thrifted.  Pics of this are somewhere in the archives.  I looked for them,  but gave up.  They're there.  Then the square,  what i will call a large doily thing,  i forget it's formal name…Deanna 7 trees knows.   

 

the Goat.  On it's way.  Just Going…..from work in Jude's Patchwork Beasts.

 

how many years ago, now?????  i'm not sure.  but it's up again today.  5 x 6 ft give or take.  I look at it.  I've learned a lot since then.    Looking today,  i wonder what i will add?  How will i change it?   The Goat has reached her destination ….the Hill of the top left corner.  Had followed a rainbow road.  Arrived now.  

It's the EVE.   This morning before light,  i read Peggy's post,  Woman with Wings . blogspot .  All ,  and she pointed me to Rebecca Desnos,  her publication….Plants are Magic.  and an interview therein on her blog with Liz Spencer,  Dogwood Dyer.

I am working on how to learn to live with the element of Fire as ever present.  There's a way.  I just need to find it,  Learn it.

and when i read these two women's work,  it popped.   Sudden and clear.  You plant.   that's all,  you Plant.  How great!,  because so much of the calendar   review,    so much of what will be added in this New Year… is   Planting.   I sat,  long,  on the hill above Campsite B.  Next to the Janet Chair where the Solstice flags fly.  Sat,  looking.   There's no house there.  I don't know when there might be one.  But there is Earth.  To plant in.   A language to Fire.  Planting.  ?  I think so.

An oh so Gentle and Loving Eve to all who come here,  who mean so much to me.  Love and Love,  and let us go with a joyful fierceness toward Goodness for All.

Thank YOU…ALL.  so much.  Thank YOU ALL.  love….

for my Holiday.  Three things that give me such great pleasure,  such anticipation.

Beginning a new stenographers notebook.   it's what i write in,  almost daily,  to keep track of things i've read,  want to read,  things that come to mind and can be so easily lost.   Ordinarily,  the date of entry is on the left ….  thoughts in the column on the right,  some running all across the page.  Sometimes i use a sky blue highlighter.    When i began to find them with the plain brown back and cover,  like the new one on the right,  it was all that much more better.   Close to bliss.  For the last few months i'd looked for them online…couldn't find.  Then…Alyssia gifted for christmas.  They are not quite as thick,  ie not quite so many pages,  but maybe that will help me with the ever constant desire to be neater,  write smaller,  not sprawl.  We'll see.  So here…a virgin one.  Ready.  The anticipation of January l,  2019 is high.

The Calendar.  Hopefully a butterfly calendar.  If not flowers.  There's always one or the other.  At the Dollar Store.   The Calendar is the New Year's Eve ritual.  Going through each month of the past year,  entering things on the new year's page that would be well remembered.  Entering birthdays.  Marking them with the Sky Blue Highlighter.    For whatever reason,  i just LOVE,  like LOVE doing this.  I drink wine.  Go through the months.  Become Ready.

Crab legs.   Once a year.   an Expense,  but so what!,   and enough so that i am satiated.  Dripping in melted butter.  Ordinarily in the last several years i am alone.  Last year,  my first New Year here,  it was Alyssia and I.  Julian was not here.  Emrie was but was only some months old.  So,  Alyssia and I.  This time Julian will be here.  We will do this on New Years Day.   He thinks he might like crab legs,  but in case he doesn't,  he made the choice for Lemon Cake with Chocolate Mint Icecream. As much as he can eat.    This time we will have artichokes and i'll make Hollandaise Sauce  from Talkie's eggs.   A salad.  The ultimate extravagance.  YES!!!!!!

So,  these.  

Perfect and Elegant.  Excellent.   and all manner of words to tell of their Beauty.

Today,  Jenny and i worked.  She created a new gate for Nogal's yard.  I finished cleaning out the Doe Goats shelter house,  using a rake and a pitch fork.   piling the used straw bedding in a huge heap and then loading some,  maybe a quarter of it on to a tarp that we then pulled up and over and down to Campsite B.  Two more trips of it there and then 3 down to the Wall Garden at A.   RICH matter for decomposing into fecund soil for growing.   We have January,  part of February.   Instense Satisfaction.   Alyssia and kids showed up and they went off to see if they could see the cows that Emrie heard MOOOing in the distance.  I stayed back,  finishing.  Met them down at the gate on their return.  They had walked to look for the cows across the way and then on,  down the road along the canal/creek,  all the way to the end and back….to the gate,  and then UP the Hill road.  Emrie is one and a half.  She walked.  She did not want to take anyone's hand.  She wanted to Walk.  On Her Own.  it's at least a quarter mile.  I think more.  She didn't fall.

yes.  i think we are a little Crazy.  But as Mo pointed out,  the Herd name of us,  is Crazy Wisdom.  How these Goats are registered with the American Dairy Goat Association.   Not from Pink Floyd,  but from Trogyam Trungpa…Crazy Wisdom.  But the Pink Floyd can be our Sound Track

I forget a lot,  when i think things,  that i see all this in a finite kind of way.  I see all this as some kind of last chapter.  But that's just me.  For them,  all of them,  it can be ….      A   chapter.  If it doesn't work for them,  they can change it.  All of them.  Jenny being the eldest,  in her early 40's,  she can change it.  Alyssia,  just 30,  can change it.  The kids,  just beginning,  they can change it.  But for now,  for today and the tomorrow,  we go.  We go with Goats and Earth.  We love Goats and Earth.  Who knows?  

 

Dearest old crippled TenZen.  In his own space.    Small,  the end of the corridor between he and Nogal's forest and the Doe Forest.  But he doesn't use much space.  What he will appreciate most is being able to eat without looking over his shoulder.  And then,  lately,  being run off.  No matter which pile he tries.  Nogal has CLAIMED everything.  

So.  new double fencing.  This new shelter hut.  His own water tub.   He is right next to Nogal,  so it should "count" as together.  Even tho together isn't great,  together matters to Goats.  I just came in from evening Feed and see that his head is bloody.  I guess they have been bashing heads through their shared fence.  That should be over with in a day or so.  Goats.

 

 

and Nogal got the other new hut.  His tarp tent will go down,  probably,  but i think he likes it.  We'll see which he prefers.

Back to the initial thought….Are we Crazy?   WHAT are we doing?   ????????????????????.   Is that original and initial MISSION still alive,  to have a herd of DAIRY GOATS..milk/cheese?????   is it?  

this is so one of those kaliedascope  (sp)  moments,  startlingly so,  so many things,  as we worked we talked…who can we  breed to who,  the lineage and i realize that i can't remember and part of why i can't remember is all the life confusions and and but also because i wrote it all on the Calendar,  and this is Calendar Time,  and all those old calendars are over in the storage unit and i can't get to them.  I am 99% sure of what i did,  but…..

so i email Marti because she remembers everything and she refers me to a post in the archives from 2013 and i go back to it,  become lost in 2013 till i give up….and this is why the Calendars are so critical….you flip through the months,  the Butterflies, and SEE it…then you can go to the archive and look on the blog….

Oh Jeez.

So,  maybe tomorrow.  Maybe we will put Celia in with TenZen.  Can he manage?,  with his crippled front legs?  

and put Who?  in with Nogal?

it only takes a few minutes if the doe is willing to Stand.   

Julian goes to his father's in New Jersey for the summer.     We are DONE with Goats that have to be chased.  Any kids now need to be loved/handled from birth.  Leash trained.  So they can be vetted when necessary,  so they can be evacuated if necessary.  This would be for Julian.  We will keep whatever bucklings,  Neuter them,  Wethers,  keep them to work the land here with the Does.  This is for him.  When he leaves,  i'll need to pick up the thread.  

Jenny and i stood there,  looking.   Are we Crazy?  What is this?

  When i went back to the 2013 post,  i read how i referred to her as the incommunicado daughter.  Which she was.  And here we are today.  

ADDENDUM

learn.  once and for all.  how to spell Kaliedoscope